I loved the Paras Incrediblelees match between Misterio/Regal and
Eddy/Malenko though it should have been five minutes longer. Right off the
bat, Rey hits the coolest Dandino this side of Black Warrior, while Malenko
continues to live out his secret fantasy of being a real live luchadore.
Regal and Eddy dole out the coolness as Regal responds to Eddy's lucha lead
like a freakin KING. Eddy and Malenko do the cool ending, but they
DEFINATELY need to have another one of these- just so Dean and Eddy can slap
each other in the face en lieu of tagging, like they do in these matches in
Japan. Matches like this are SO great for a lot of reasons- Malenko goes
over, sets up a feud with Eddy, and gets a clean pin on the Cruiserweight
Champ. Regal shows he can hang with three of the best workers on planet
earth. Rey gets to wrestle and I get to watch. And Eddy is so over as a
heel that it is beautiful. This would have been great if it was just a few
minutes longer.
Fit Finlay vs Dave Taylor was good, but really pales in comparison to the
Benoit matches (Well... what the fark doesn't?) but it was short,
well-executed, solid and semi-stiff. I'm guessing that Taylor doesn't have
the ass-stomper in him, that he's more of the Malenko of the Euro3, so this
wasn't all that, but I'll take it. Hell!
Yuji Nagata vs Psicosis was pretty good, even if the ending was too goofy
to be described. Yuji kicks the crap out of him and Psicosis does a little
flying, including an insane guillotine off the apron. If Yuji gets his
intensity up to a decent level, this could be a good feud.
Perry Saturn gets the now slightly less-worthless belt from the Scotty
Riggs With A Gimmick- Disco Inferno. I got no beef with this, even though
Saturn is still obviously too injured to be in the ring. Hell, at least he
can wrestle and God knows he can take a Hellish bump. DI needs to be rebuilt
and taught some hotter moves yesterday.
Scott Hall continues to keep himself out of total loathesomeness by jobbing
clean to Jericho. Jericho got all stiff with him, which was good. The
postmatch AMAZING EXCITEMENT WITH LARRY "LARRYLAND" Zbysko CHALLENGING THE
STUPENDOUSLY INCREDIBLE SCOTT Hall was the AWESOMELY EXCITING, they would
have us believe.
Hennig/Luger worked because I knew immediately that I could check up on the
weather patterns that are emerging around the nation. HEY! There's a big
low pressure front moving through the midwest keeping temperatures really
nice and it's also driving the rain out of the southeast.
The Big Balloon of Piss that is the Giant chokeslams all the luchadores-
who are all 500,000 times more talented than his fat, lousy, useless ass.
HEY! Let's castrate Bischoff with Weed Eater, the stupid son of a bitch.
Meanwhile, on RAW, Mr Aguila tears up the scenery with a modicum of dignity-
the first Bischoff lucha escapee.
Mongo vs Ray Traylor [Hey, it's only Ray Traylor.(tm-GP)] sucked a whole
bunch. It reminded Phil of the WWF Saturday Main Event from 1988- maybe an
Akeem the African Dream vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan level match. BOY! It won't
good. Mongo Sucks. Traylor is washed up. Welcome to Hell.
The Philly Streetfight was possibly the worst match ever in the history of
streetfights. Loose, listless, sloppy, and bloodless is no way to through
life if all you can do is brawl. Welcome to the Nothingness that is the
Heyman Creation called The Public Enemy. At least, Rick Steiner got his
no-selling, sloppy, lazy head busted open at the end, even if it was only
accidentally. This match was too incredibly shitty to waste a perfectly
good "the Steiners suck if Hase ain't in the ring" joke on. All four of
these guys need to go and Wrestle No More Forever.
Same old midnight choking yammering by everybody old enough to need a
facelift, and it was funny that Bischoff admitted that Hogan was past his
prime, though I'm sure he didn't realize it. Who gives a shit about Hogan vs
Sting?
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN!
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