-Hey! Yuji Nagata has a new coat! SWANK~! And even Jerry Flynn isn't
putting him over totally clean. Not nearly stiff enough, but a nice
Explo(i)der. To quote Lynard Skynard, "I know a little about
love........ and, baby, I can guess the rest."
- Hey! Chris Benoit vs Booker T VI was really great for live TV. I
figured when I joined everybody in Smart Wrestledom Assembled in saying
that Booker T would be a champion-caliber actual singles worker if he
had ever gotten away from his larger, less-than-good brother, I assumed
he would actually never end up a singles wrestler and would actually
just Scott Steiner himself into his brother's level of mediocrity and
become an eternal growth-stunted tag-team wrestler. Luckily, Bischoff
hates tag-teams, so Booker T was forced to put our money where our
mouths are (or something) and live up to the speculation. Which he
has. This year, he's been in some really good feuds with assorted
Canadians- starting with the amazingly better than it EVER should have
been Rick Martel feud. Unfortunately, Martel totally blew his knee out
just as he was really getting back to great worker form and Booker T
was left without the guidance of a good singles wrestler to wrestle. The
Eddy Guerrerro feud didn't get anywhere as Eddy was hurt and the
youngest Guerrerro isn't really as great at making big guys have great
matches as much as he is custom built for pulling truly spectacular
matches out of guys more his own size, so I had almost forgotten that
they feuded. Fate is SO on Booker T's side though, as he got the best
thing he could ever have- which is Chris Benoit getting fed up with the
DDP- Raven feud (HEY! Like the rest of America!)- and backing into this
Benoit-Booker T- Finlay feud. Benoit is totally KING-SIZED at doing
what WCW needs to do to get Booker T at the level he can could have
gotten to if he hadn't been feuding against Dirty Dick Slater and
Bunkhouse Buck and their ilk for all these years; Benoit is beating him
into Actual Wrestler In The International Sense shape and we get to
watch it in this Best of Seven series. This match was pretty
beautiful. Benoit looked like the best wrestler in the world, which he
is 40% of the time anyway, and Booker T was doing his damnedest to keep
up with him and that is the recipe for this being a great wad of
stiffness and powermoves. This match was what the future of US
wrestling should be- a continuation of the Powermove fixation that grips
US audiences (and- HELL!- me for that matter) but infinitely stiffer and
with actual selling. Matches like these correct a lot of damage that
the Road Warriors and the Powers of Pain did to US wrestling in the
80's. And ratings-wise, people stayed and watched as this segment beat
out all the Hogan crap that permeated my screen in super-fast forward.
Even marks wanna see actual wrestling every now and then. This how you
get it done IN THE RING. No "great mic-work" or "charisma" bullshit.
Two guys, one story- who's the better wrestler. Dig the simplicity. To
quote the Molly Hatchet, "Buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh, Hell
yeah."
-Hey! Yuji Nagata has a new coat! SWANK~! And even Jerry Flynn isn't
putting him over totally clean. Not nearly stiff enough, but a nice
Explo(i)der. To quote Lynard Skynard, "I know a little about
love........ and, baby, I can guess the rest."
-I loved Our Role Model's letter from Uncle Ted but he should have
included a part about immediate ritual castration if he EVER interupts a
mother f*cking Dean Malenko vs Silver f'n King EVER again to get over a
stupid angle. To quote Lynard Skynard, "Gimme Back, gimme back my
bullets. Puttem back where they belong."
-I'm woozy or something. VAN HAMMER(!?!) and Juventud Guerrera wrestle
Reese and Horace Boulder and I my head doesn't explode with insane
fury. What could be going on?!? Well, my friend Frank says that Horace
Boulder is the worst worker that he's ever seen live (he saw him in
Japan, the lucky stiff!) and I'm guessing that Frank never went to a WCW
houseshow with Jim Duggan or Bryan Adams on the card and watched them
embarrass the sweet science like the total choades that they are.
Boulder is REALLY no walk in the park but he did sell a Hurricanrana
correctly by Juventud and I'd like to see any other stiff in WCW pull
that off. He also bumped enough to get his way into my heart in this
match. Van Hammer really sucks it like a man but he also bumped and got
out of the way. Reese is gonna put over a guy one-fourth his size on
PPV so I don't have the heart to give him any guff about going over
clean as a sheet against a guy who is a zillion times more talented than
he is. And Hell, Reese's a thousand times better than the Giant and
Goldberg combined. Juventud goes hogwild and tries to make the best of
a stupid situation. To quote 38 Special, "We-were rock-ing in-to
the-night, rockingintothenight."
-Y'know, I would usually hate ANYTHING that would interrupt an Eddy
Guerrerro match- since Eddy is the best wrestler in the world the other
sixty percent of the time- and I have been quite irrate with Chavo
ruining the perfectly fine Wright/ Eddy match. This here match, Eddy
was ACTUALLY DRAGGING A DECENT MATCH OUT OF SCOTT FRICKIN PUTSKI! SCOTT
PUTSKI! EDDY IS [[[[[~~~~~GOD~~~~~~~]]]]]. Putski doesn't deserve all
this magnificent carrying and Chavo cheap shotted him, so thank you,
Chavo, for letting us laugh about Scott Putski... again. To quote
Bocephus, "I get whiskey-bent and Hellbound..."
-Fit MuthaFrickin Finlay and Norman Black Magic Smiley go all British on
our fat, American lucky asses and the yahoos in Detroit are too stupid
to dig it. I love this stuff- the euro-mat wrestlers in WCW should have
their own belt and their own division and their own show that comes on
between WorldWide and the Pro. Think about it- Brookside vs Finlay,
Finlay vs DBS, Doc Dean vs Smiley, Alex Wright vs DBS, let Malenko and
Benoit come in join the stretchfest. Sign Franz Shumann, Steve Wright
and Tony St Clair and make it five hours long every week. Hell I'd
watch. To quote Lynard Skynard, "Women, Whiskey and Miles of Traveling
is all I understand..."
-Hi. I am Dean. Let me tell you something about ME. My Fast Forward
BECOMES a part of my OWN HAND on Mondays. 30 minutes of talking by guys
who truly stink in the ring before the first wrestling match. Every
couple of matches there is hours of endless yammering and yammering. No
wonder this cavalcade of shit lost to a [[taped]]] RAW. If you're gonna
have shitheads talking about nothing on Nitro you might as well watch
folks on RAW who do the same thing since they do it better. I watched
El Hijo Del Santo vs Negro Casas mask vs mask while this was taking
place in real time and ff through this shit later so maybe it was really
great. Who gives a shit? WCW has better wrestlers than the WWF, not
that anybody would be able to tell a lot of the time. This is wrestling
not the freakin McNeil-Lehrer report- I WANT SOME ACTION, BABY!
Actually, they've given this Benoit- Booker T feud WAYYY too much air
time for me to realy whine too much. To quote the Allman Brothers,
"Sometimes I feel- sometimes I feel- like I've been tied to the whipping
post. Good Lord, I feel like I'm dying."
-Hey! They try to pacify my growing insane hatred of the sloppy,
useless, sack of shit called Goldberg who is going to squash Chavo a
week before a PPV with his shitty, horrible offense. WCW says, "If we
act like it's an angle about Chavo going crazy and challenging Goldberg,
then it really ISN'T stupid! RIGHT!?!" Now, now, fellas. To quote my
friend Porkchop, "You can't polish a turd." Goldberg in the ring is
quite the quintessential example of a batch of feculence, so there you
go. To quote Willie Nelson, "Forgiving you is easy, but forgetting
seems to take the longest time."
As Charlie Daniels once sang, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY I'M LIVING, JUST
LEAVE THIS LONG HAIRED COUNTRY BOY ALONE.
DEAN!
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