The Monday Nitro Workrate Report
A weekly look at what did and didn't work on Monday Nitro by Dean Rasmussen
Monday, May 24th, 1999
I guess I'll tell you what I think about the Owen Hart tragedy and why
this hit me harder than the other recent deaths. I mean, I don't know
Owen Hart so I don't know why it hit me so much harder than Brian
Pillman or Rick Rude or any of the other dozens of wrestlers that have
died in the recent past. I guess it was because Owen was my age and he
had two kids and I'm gonna have my second next month- I don't know, I
was playing with my daughter yesterday and it crossed my mind that Owen
Hart's kids won't have a daddy around and I think of that bond that was
broken and I can feel for his family- especially his kids. That's where
the real tragedy is. I guess from a wrestling fan standpoint, Owen Hart
held a special place in my heart because he was a wrestler I knew of
before I got into watching wrestling tapes, but he was the first
familiar wrestler that I discovered as a different wrestler on the tapes
I first got- a wrestler that was just motherfucking GREAT when you saw
his matches that weren't in the big two. I remember the first time I
saw Hart vs Keichi Yamada from New Japan or Hart vs Iizuka from TWA in
Philadelphia and you saw how fucking WORLD CLASS he was and how
head-and-shoulders he was above everybody else in North America at one
time- it was a thrilling realization and he made me happy to know that I
had discovered something in pro wrestling that fans who don't get tapes
will never know. Plus, he was a major cog in the whole Calgary Stampede
mystique of these guys up in Canada who trained in this prairie
wasteland who went out into the world and could compete at the highest
level internationally. Owen was the Vanguard that opened up the world
to Benoit and that's when the legend of Stampede was cast and it created
a compelling chapter in history of wrestling. After his knees were
totally shot and he was milling around in WWF the last couple of years,
I didn't really pay much attention to him, but when I got the news I
realized quickly what the world had lost- A great motherfucking
wrestler. I didn't know him to mourn him personally, but I have seen
his greatness in the ring and every TRUE wrestling fan should mourn
because when he was healthy and his knees were sound, he was one of the
absolute best wrestlers in the world.
On to the WCW crap...
I took last week off because WCW took the week off the week before and
their show was so wretched that I spared myself a second viewing. No
such luck this week as it sucked massive cock even worse but I can't
ignore it like last week- so welcome to my SuperHell. Nitro got mauled
by RAW in the WRESTLING department which tells you how much WCW
performed oral sex on whatever it performs oral sex upon until said
entity climaxed onto onto WCW's metaphorical tonsils. GOD, big two
wrestling sucks right now. I was talking to my wife- as we used the
settlement money from the crushed beloved Crown Vic to buy another
fabulous VCR from the Price Club- and I was telling her how I was really
having trouble getting excited at all about wrestling in the US on any
consistent basis and she said, "Well wasn't there a point you didn't
watch wrestling (circa 91-93, part of 94, partly because of total lack
interest and partly because I used to be too poor to get cable)?" I
told her that it's worse now because BACK THEN it was just boring and
stupid and David Sullivan was getting a push and the Brother Bruti was
maineventing. That was just shitty wrestling that made me feel no urge
whatsoever to watch it. I'm glad that anything good during my dormant
fandom period was well-documented and I caught up, but there is no way I
have any regrets about missing ANY of the shit WCW or WWF was shoveling
out back then. They problem now is that it's retarded and boring and
horrible BUT NOW it's also irritating as living hell because now they
have all these wrestlers in WCW that I actually give a shit about and
who I will watch in spite of the amazingly superior Japanese and Mexican
tapes I have at my disposal that are slow to be watched and these said
wrestlers are being used to put over HUGH MORRIS and- what the heck!- a
NEW, Tougher VAN HAMMER! ALLRIGHT! This is the COOL NEW GIMMICK that
will REALLY get your favorite talentless shithead friend over, DDP!
WHIP ASS! Eat my Fuck, WCW. You can get on your knees and blow me.
Anyway! Here's a rundown of what worked and didn't worked in the wacky
braindead, retarded cesspool called WCW-
What Worked
Hey! Benoit vs Flair looks to give Flair an extended window of
opportunity to actually participate in a decent wrestling match as the
millenium winds down. Benoit is hovering as close to the top as ever
and in the cynical atmosphere that pervades WCW, one can only wonder who
he's gonna be called upon to put over to get them over by getting them
in a their last gasp actual decent match before the Picadilly Cafeteria
Dilly Dish special era of their God-forsaken lives kick in. I mean
jiminy, what's Benoit gonna have to do next to prop up all the
heavyweight semblances of actual wrestling at the top of WCW? Is he be
donating a hip to Piper and a liver to Hall? Anyway, Benoit putting
over Flair will be fine, fine irritating as hell wrestling just like
Benoit putting over DDP. Well, you see, the REAL problem is that while
it looked good for Benoit to turn on Flair and join Piper in a sort of
dangerous, rube-friendly face stable, who the fuck knows how they will
fuck it up by next week? I mean, WCW had a cool TV title scene for
about three months and fucked that up, had a WAY cool cruiserweight
division that they are in the midst of destroying and it looks like they
are about to undo anything good they set down with the weeks of actual
good wrestling that created actual interest in their
before-then-horrendously-shitty tagteam situation. I got no faith in
WCW booking and I'm tired of thinking that Benoit is gonna get anywhere
in this company anymore. Y'see, the problem is that WCW works under a
Zero Sum mentality. It's the economic idea that if someone has money
and property, then there is a direct correlation to someone else being
deprived of said money and property. Though insane economic growth from
the Dark Ages to 1999 tends to blow gargantuan holes in that argument,
it's still a pretty common held belief. WCW booking works under the
same idea: HYPOTHETICAL EXAMPLE: If Norman Smiley is over then THAT'S
why Rick Steiner ISN'T over, so we should put Rick Steiner over Norman
Smiley and that precious finite Overness will be transferred to
Steiner. Thus, since Benoit is over no matter how they try to kill him
because he is SO GREAT that any situation he is thrown into becomes
AWESOME to the viewer at home, it would seem that the WCW would deeply
feel the urge to try de-Over Benoit by putting such deprived
Overness-depleted victims like Nash, Hennig and the destroyed Flair over
the Over Benoit. Other US promotions, like the WWF and ECW understand
that you can have your ENTIRE ROSTER over at one time and you can, like,
(in the example of ECW) develop amazing fan loyalty because your product
seems to be chock-full of superstars who are over and motivated and (in
the case of the WWF) make gigantic wads of money and beat everybody on
TV's collective ass in the ratings. WCW doesn't understand that
Overness is an endless commodity but it needs to be nurtured. You can
tell they don't understand because they never nurture overness or
Goldberg would still draw massive ratings and Sting would draw ANY
ratings. WCW doesn't understand that UnOverness is just as endless of a
commodity and UnOverness is harder to overcome than simply maintaining
Overness so when these shitheads bury
Once-and-could-have-possibly-been-future-Over Chavo Guerrerro Jr by
having him be squashed by the Never-To-Be-Over-Ever VAN HAMMER, Chavo
becomes UnOver and Van Hammer stays UnOver so what you've done is
created two UnOver wrestlers. Congratulations, WCW! You're gonna get
your ass kicked forever! AWRIGHT!
Benoit wrestled Buddy Lee Parker and put a brave actual-wrestling face
on one of the shittiest segments of Sports Entertainment ever. HEY!
Somehow the cameras got ALL the footage of Flair fixing wrestling
matches! These camera crews are GREAT! They should work for CNN! How
did David not find out? Does WCW really think that the fans would be
too amazingly stupid to notice guys throwing matches to David Flair
without having the Hidden Camera explaining the whole set-up with these
mind-numbingly retarded vignettes? I mean, I know they are trying to
weed us smart-in-ANY-sense-of-the-word fans out- and they are doing an
ass-stompingly good job of shaving my Monday Night wrestling buzz to the
point where I'm gearing up to say, "fuck you, shitheads, I've got an
LLPW tape or something laying around here somewhere that I can watch
instead" -, but do they really want an audience of just total idiots?
Do said idiots actually drink Surge and use Castroil? What the fuck is
Nash and co thinking? DO they actually think people give a shit? The
match itself was a good exercise in Benoit making Parker look good and
then making himself look good- like real wrestlers do in real wrestling
organizations as opposed to WCW or the WWF.
Dean Malenko, WCW's only legit heel with legit heel heat, states the
obvious.
Psicosis is still alive. Thank you God.
What Didn't Work
Disco vs The Cat vs Scott Norton. My mind reels at how amazingly
horrible this is. Disco- The Serious Shoot-Interviewing Serious
Wrestler is as cretinous as Super Nova- the Serious Serious Wrestler. A
three-way feud between three guys who suck in the ring! Shove this back
up your ass, WCW.
Van Hammer finally realizes a lifelong dream when he surpasses Ed
Leslie in useless, heatless gimmick changes and really clobbers that
stupid luchadore Chavo Junior BUT GOOD! Eat shit and die, WCW. You
suck balls.
They have a Cruiserweight Battle Royal with all those stupid Mexicans
and that Chinese guy who bought the Glacier junk from that other Chinese
guy and luckily Hugh Morris came out and beat'em all up before I had to
turn off the TV. Rey is the GIANT KILLER! Cruiserweights suck. Hugh
Morris is big and rules. WCW sucks green donkey lungs all motherfucking
day.
It just kinda goes on like this for a while. How many ways do you
want to here me say "go fuck yourself, WCW"?
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN RASMUSSEN.
http://mh106.infi.net/~dhracr/death.htm
