The Monday Nitro Workrate Report
A weekly look at what did and didn't work on Monday Nitro by Dean Rasmussen
Monday, May 11th, 1998
Sorry this is so late! Anyway, when last we spoke the New Breed had beamed
back to the present day to stalk the elusive LaserTron....
What Worked
Disco Inferno and Barry Horowitz had a match that would have ruled it on
WorldWide- since they would have been able to stretch it to the
post-two-minute mark. Horowitz does lots of wrestling moves which I like in
my wrestling and the total creeping Benoitism of Disco continues as he is
now REALLY starting to sell moves like the Crippler. HEY! DI is most
improved of 1998 so far. There you go.
Juventud Guerrera vs Kidman was pretty great until the angle at the end
that busted up a possibility of a cool match. Maybe Kidman is most improved
of 1998 because he has developed an offense this year that has projected an
image of actually being a threat to win. What the crap am I saying?
Juventud is the most improved of the year. Juventud has gone from mat-based
Rudo suplex-machine to undersized, over-as-hell, dynamic high-flying and
high impact technico wonderboy, all in one year. Juventud is NUMBER ONE AND
THE BEST and the MP Driver #2 he did FRICKIN RULED. It was as close to an
Excaliber as you're gonna get on these august shores. (IDIOT SIDENOTE:
It's gonna take a lot for me to REALLY hate Reese. He spent a lot of time
in the NJ dojo- you see him at ringside on tapes of NJ from 96- so even if
he is a clumsy goof, he definately didn't use the excuse of having size to
allow him to become lazy and ride that to the end of his career. Plus, he's
about to put over a guy who weighs 1/4th of what he does. Ther you go.)
It's official. Johnny Swinger really sucks. First he fucks up a match
against Magnum Tokyo and doesn't catch MT when Magnum hits a PHAT ASS top
rope Asai Moonsault
and now he can't keep from fucking everything up against ULTIMO DRAGON!?!?!
IT's FREAKIN ULTIMO DRAGON! Just stand there, he'll get you home. This
match worked though because it advances an angle by the true heat-machine of
WCW- Eddy Guerrerro vs the best wrestler in WCW this week- ULTIMO DRAGON.
Having seen these two in a SPECTACULAR match in Fairfax earlier this year, I
am sufficiently stoked.
Our TV Champion, the best wrestler in WCW this week, Fit Finlay, beats the
shit out of Rage a little and I'm hoping it's the first of a lengthy title
run. Finlay didn't beat him nearly close enough to an inch of his life like
he needed to.
KICK ASS! It's Dean Malenko's better-wrestling brother, JOE! GOD! I hope
he wrestles some! I was hoping that he and Jericho were gonna mix it up. I
love Joe's mic skills. They are so very Nelson Royalesque. Benoit vs Joe
Malenko ALREADY! SWANK!
Benoit vs Booker T was really good as Benoit works as stiff as living hell
and Booker T does his large as hell flying power spots. I'm glad they've
got Benoit in the actual wrestling match slot these days because this had
psycholgy and a build and cool nearfalls and everything. Benoit goes over
as clean as frickin sheet. And for that, Booker T gets even larger props
from me.
What Didn't Work
The Bischoff challenge didn't really bug me except that there is an outside
chance that they could actually fight and the down side of that is that if
they do fight, the two biggest sleazy dirtbags on earth WON'T be having an
Exploding Barbed-wire, Rusty Tin Can, Double-hell Deathmatch so I could
actually get some retribution for the Red Rooster gimmick, the continued
employment of Bryan Adams, the Ultimate Warrior, and the travesty of Silver
MotherFucking King jobbing to frickin Saturn in one minute. Hell, givem
real baseball bats and lets see what kinda damage these two limp needle
dicks can really do, since they are both so hot and bothered to hop in the
ring these days.
Hey! I like Scott Norton MOUNTAINS more than anyone with half of a
brainstem should ever like him, but the Fifteenth-level of New Japan
Heavyweight No-selling that he achieved in this match- with the pinnacle
being the basic no-selling of a fucking Exploder Suplex- was such a
collossal pile of shit that even I couldn't stomach it. And I've seen
Kensuke Sasaki AND Manabu Nakanishi a thousand times this year already, so
this was an accomplishment in that it raised my jaded NJ Heavy-weight
veiwing ire.
HEY! HENNIG JOINS THE WOLFPAC!!! I could not possible bring myself to give
a holy flying fudge. The dream is over, fatboy- go back to Minnesota already.
Hugh Morris would be REALLY great at unloading trucks. He's got the build,
seems semi-intelligent and is nimble enough not to drop the boxes or trip
over a pallet or something. Jim Powers seems like a really nice guy; he
should become a personal trainer to the stars maybe or maybe a nutritionist
or something. Or maybe they could both unload trucks.
HEY! It's Len Denton! It's Goldberg! Yeah, what the hell. Why not. Sure.
During the Jerry Flynn-Saturn extravaganza, I was like almost stoked
because I thought that WCW had TOTALLY lost it's collective ill-fitting mind
and was actually PUSHING Jerry Flynn as an ally of Hammer and was wreaking
his terrible retribution against those who would bust up the former Van
Hammer!!! But he was actually just jobbing to the newly uninteresting Saturn
in one minute. Well. There you go.
HEY! It's DDP vs Lenny Lane! DDP is becoming very Luger-like in his total
boringness in these types of match-ups. P. U.
Sickboy and Glacier! Sickboy and GLACIER! SICKBOY and Glacier! SICKBOY
and GLACIER!
Hogan vs Savage has this run-in at the end and Piper came out so it just
really sucked. Didja know that the Giant turned nWo! Isn't that great! Yep!
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
Answers to last weeks wrestling jumble!! 1.STEROIDS- 2.WRESTLING MOVE-
3.HEARTPUNCH- 4.GIANT BREASTS- 5.CIEN CARAS- 6.OLE ANDERSON- 7.BUCK ZHUMOFF.
Super Wrestling Jumble ANSWER: ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER!
@#@#@# MAD PHAT PROPS to Jeff Have Clue Will Travel for nailing all of these
answers and e-mailing them in- thus earning the Cyber-Stud of the New
Millenium distinction! Way to rule it so hard, Studbolt. Big Jim Sullivan
of the Irish World Order gets a big cyber-smooch for getting all of them BUT
Abdullah the Butcher somehow (ONLY Big Jim...:)). And the rest of you that
e-mailed to weasel answers out of me also rule the goddam earth and you are
all just sexy motherfukahs in your own right. I shall weep loves easy tears
now....
DEAN RASMUSSEN!
