Well, that whole first hour was a lifesaver. I got to go get my
throat checked out (NOT STREPT! I get to miss work anyway! WHIP ASS!),
I got to watch a lot of EMLL that the blessed Pogo Pete winged my way,
and when I got around to actually watching all this shit this morning I
got to see how fast my Fast Forward could Fast Forward (so VERY VERY not
fast enough). I actually broke down and watched a couple of minutes
here and there. The replay of the Hulk Hogan speech from Thurday makes
sense in the wake of the double turn scenario that leaked out. Crazy
Flair will be fun even if it fucks Benoit and Malenko again. The use of
Goldberg to start the turn was a good move if they are gonna turn him.
It's all adding up to shit I'm never gonna wanna see- so why is it up
here? I guess it got across what Nash wanted to get across. So there.
Actually, Flair is right. He is better in the ring when he wrestles
heel, because his match against Goldberg was getting pretty great-
because Flair wrestling heel made his offense effective as he cheated
like a KING, and the fact that when Goldberg sells, he's really not bad
at all. On the other hand, the No-selling of the Vertical Suplex by
Goldberg was the spot that turned me against Sting WAAAAY back before I
knew what the term "selling" meant- but he makes it up by tenaciously
selling the leg long after Booker T would have. Did I fast forward over
a major Sports Entertainment Plotpoint where they actually explained why
the nWo ran in to save Flair?
Bret Hart carries Van Hammer to quite watchable wrestling. The fact
that I and everyone else gave not a single dang about this match can't
take away the fact that it was quite acceptable professional wrestling.
WCW is booked by chimps, in case you forgot.
Rey vs Norton worked in a technical sense, I suppose- until the end
which made no fucking sense. Norton beat the hell out of the little man
and Rey sold it like he was getting beaten to death. Well, whaddyaknow.
Rey gets a lucky win and I wonder why Lizmark Jr couldn't wrestle Rey
and we see like, uh, a GOOD wrestling match. The reason this works is
because I'm assuming that "FORMER IWGP CHAMPION BEATEN TWICE IN ONE WEEK
BY 145 POUND LUCHADORE" will be a headline in GONG next week as all of
Japan has a big belly laugh at the expense of New Japan. I know that
Norton is mad at Chosyu and all, but this is a weird way to get
revenge.
Scott Steiner continues to work his way out of my doghouse as he and
Booker T have a fine, fine quality match for free TV. Steiner fumbled a
bit on the mat, but got it together enough get in the swanky
cross-faces. I'm not sure if it's such a smart move to have the
mid-push Booker T to get his ass kicked this extensively on TV
eventhough the (shit for) braintrust at WCW haven't actual given Booker
T anyone to feud with. Hey, wait. Was this all part of a feud? Is
Booker T feuding with Steiner and Buff? I know he lost to BUFF
Thursday. BOY! WCW! What a star-making MACHINE!
HEY! It's a day in the life of Hogan and Nash! HEY! This was the worst
batch of shit I've ever seen. OOOOOOooooo MORE seductive women to sway
the Flair clan! Ooooooooo... unless it turns out to be Ronnie Garvin in
a dress, it's gonna be more Sports Entertainment Ass Sucking for YOU to
watch. IIIIII ain't watching it. If I wanted wrestling-free wrestling,
I'd watch WWF. This ain't cutting it, hoss. Hogan is raw sewage
spewing out of my TV screen and I don't care about these old farts and
their half-assed approximations of Vince McMahon's shitty product.
Ricky Raktman and Billy Kidman are hanging out. Ricky can't get lucky
with the Cruiserweight belt even though (shudder) Mean Gene has been
getting lucky with it. Gee, Ricky, maybe you shouldn't use the pick-up
line "I got some Udo Derkschneider solo videos at my crib. How 'bout
it?" When Van Hammer is wrestling on TV and Kidman is hanging out with
forth tier late-eighties VJ. Now THAT'S smart BOOKING. Big Leslie kicks
ass.
Hmmmm... Lizmark is a better worker than Saturn. Lizmark is in a
dog-collar match with Jericho that bites the big one in spades. Let's
do the math.
DOG COLLAR(LM>PS+CJ)=POOP,
thus DOG COLLAR(PS+CJ)which would conclude THAT: DOG COLLAR(PS+CJ)=HOLY MAMA- THAT AIN'T GONNA BE GOOD.
Big Two "hardcore" sucks dick. Hey! Sandman, Raven, and BamBam try to
prove who's most hardcore by making attempt number 4,537 at trying to
duplicate a Memphis Concession Stand Brawl and once again, as the big
two is wont to do- they fail miserably. The last match that actually
approached true HARDCORE in the limited sense of being a fat ass brawl
that killed both participants but worked as a match (as opposed to
glorified stuntwork or excessive nebulous blood-letting) was Raven vs
Benoit at Souled Out. This ain't it. This ain't much. Sandman has
been so absolutely unhatable in the ring since he got here, but I see
that changing real soon. Brawls need FOCUS, people, FOCUS! This
meandering crap doesn't work in REAL Garbage Leagues, what makes these
guys think aimless wandering is gonna work without an EVEN REMOTE
POSSIBILITY of something truly horrible and blood-summoning happening at
some point? Don't these guys watch those old W*ING tapes?
Steiner and Buff become "policemen for a day". I am now so WHITE HOT
for the PPV that I can't even dial my phone straight. BUFF AND BIG BAD
BOOTY DADDY ARE POLICEMEN!!! I had NO idea! JESUS CHRIST, I GOTTA see
them WRESTLE on PPV NOW!! They're POLICEMEN! Don't that just beat
all...
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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