One-sixth of this weeks Nitro was AWESOME. The other five-sixths sucked it like a lamprey. BLITZKREIG~!!
That Blitzkrieg vs Rey Misterio Jr was REALLY frickin GOOD. The KEY
was the fact that Misterio looked DEEPLY into his soul and said, "I...
am a LUCHADORE. I.... am a COMPLETE Luchadore. IIIIII... can WRESTLE
RUDO!!" and he DOES like a MUTHA. He does exactly what Mr Condor and
Mirabunta did for him when he was a overcaffiennated spot-machine that
had the world in front of him- he made the technico look GREAT by
selling his offense PERFECTLY and he laid down the psychology of the
match. Rey was GREAT at keeping Blitzkreig under control and kept this
from going all indie-15-highspots-a-minute on us. The highspots made
sense and they pop out like they should- the best point of psychology
being when Blitzkreig hits all those spots leading up to the SUPERSWANK
transition to offense by Misterio when he hits the dropkick on the young
California punk while he is doing the BEAUTIFUL Ringpost Plancha.
Misterio then grinds him down and kills him. SEEEEEE, the GREAT thing
about this match is that Rey wrestles it EXACTLY like Juventud would
have wrestled it and he also wrestled it a lot like Juventud did against
Rey in those classics from 1995. Rey needs to turn rudo or assume a
Liger In New Japan role as the Older Experienced Patriarch Of The
Cruiserweight Division- because they REALLY got the makings of a Great
Wrestler-producing Machine with their Cruiserweight division if the keep
building on what they have- using Juventud, Rey Misterio and Psicosis
(plus- SHIT!- Eddy will be back before too long) to do with Lash LaRue
and Blitzkreig what they did with Kidman and Chavo Jr- which was to beat
them into World-Class shape. Blitzkreig looked great in this match and
he looks to be a good addition of the Cruiserweight Third Wave with Lash
LaRue and- goddammit!- KAZ HAYASHI if WCW had half a fucking brain. The
downside of the likely push of LaRue and Blitzkreig and the looming
Chavo and Kidman feud (if that happens) is that once again Psicosis- who
was in the FIRST wave with Malenko and Misterio and Ultimo Dragon and
who was instrumental in getting Juventud and Kidman over in the Second
Wave- will be passed over again for a push, which is RIDICULOUS.
Psicosis is as good of a rudo as Juventud. Psicosis is a MUCH better
rudo than Rey will ever be. WCW NEEDS to get Psicosis STRONG to carry
LaRue, Blitzkreig, Chavo, and whoever else they want to push into
meaningful matches. HEY! WCW! LOOK AT THE REY MISTERIO vs BLITZKREIG
MATCH. THAT is how you carry a youngster and get him ready for the Big
Time. Psicosis supplies what Rey supplied in that match EVERYTIME he
wrestles. With Rey, Juventud and Psicosis as the brains behind the
flashiness, the WCW Cruiserweight Division could be EVERY BIT as
compelling as the New Japan Juniors and could be a great way to develop
young talent by acclimating them with guys who are TOTALLY WORLD CLASS.
WCW could be creating three Kidmans a year if they wanted to with THIS
training machine. This match was quite enlightening as to how deep the
WCW Cruiserweight division is and how cool it could be.
FIT motherfucking FINLAY and Booker T have another in the series, and
it was basically as really good as it usually is- with Fit taking a
Booker T flying forearm so much LIKE A MAN that it makes... well,
actually Luger's Flying Forearm is so shitty that Finlay can't really
diminish it any by doing ANYTHING and I'm now totally lost... Anyway,
FIT works all stiff as shit and Booker T reciprocates and it's really
good. FIT should win one of these at some point.
DDP vs KAOS and the tag tourney match were long- which is a good sign
and I wish they would use more of their actually TALENTED or NON-WASHED
UP wrestlers in some of those.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's all you get, WCW Booking Morons.
I'm going to keep each of these short or I'll end up having to use one
of those zip file things to fit in all the Manly Piles of Total Shit
that this particular episode dished out. I usually just fast-forward
through the moronic SKITS on this and any other US wrestling show
because they all suck and they are all horrible unless it ends up with
Dusty Rhodes getting his leg broken in the parking lot- which has
happened all of ONCE. But I was talking to Schneider (we call each
other on Monday, Thursday and Saturday whenever something awesome is
happening on our goddam T.V. Sets). Schneider made an observation that
the main reason all these SKITS suck so much COCK is that it seems to
imply that wrestlers NEVER watch wrestling on TV. It seems that SOMEONE
would tell Bryan Adams in a bar somewhere that they saw Hulk Hogan doing
his evil scheme on the same show that he was blowing sunshine up the ass
of all of the rest of nWo BnW. It's like when the Ultimate Warrior
appeared in that mirror and Hogan could see him and WE could see him,
but BISCHOFF who was also in the dressing room COULDN'T SEE HIM. So we
are IN HOGAN'S HEAD!!! NOW THAT'S ACTION ADVENTURE ENTERTAINMENT! LIKE
WILEY COYOTE! Phil and I were trying to figure out which shitty US
wrestling promotion is going to take the next step and actually have us
listen to the sports entertainer's thoughts while they are in the ring.
BENOIT IN A HEADLOCK: (voice over) "What can I do? He's SO strong!
This reminds me of something that Stu Hart told me in the dungeon..."
(flashback to a young Chris Benoit sitting at the foot of Stu hart) "So
you see, little Cripplehopper, the strength of a man is ONLY as strong
as his smallest joint." (Quick cut to Benoit back in the ring. Voice
over continues.) "Of course! I'll pull his pinky finger back and
that'll get me back on the right track!" WHAT GREAT GRAPHICS! THAT'S
GROUNDBREAKING SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT! WHAT A GREAT VIDEO PACKAGE! I'm
giving it two months. Fuck the world and give me my goddamn Japanese
tapes where I don't want to ever throw up directly the ground where I
stand. This shit sucks. US wrestling has always been behind the curve
in the ring, but at least we USED to try to keep up. Now US wrestling
promotions don't give a shit. They don't want to get it done in the
ring, so they want to pass off The Sport Of Kings as a half-assed
version of the New Adventures Of Sinbad. It's a disgrace to bad
American television, not just what made wrestling great back when people
who could work a match were the focal point. Fuck the WCW and the WWF.
Most of the time anyway.
Actually, the fact that they put the US belt on Ric Flair's dad is
kind of interesting. The match went from the "will get the fucking PPV
no matter whatever kind of useless shit they pack around this match"
match of Benoit vs Bret motherfucking Hart, to "I don't like it but if
Psicosis is wrestling Kidman I still might get it" Bret vs the shitty
Scott Hall, to the "Wouldn't order this lousy PPV even if Benoit and
Malenko are getting the World Tag Title because this pisses me off so
much" match of the horrible, horrible old useless, homophobic, shitty,
lousy Piper vs the shitty Scott Hall. That's pretty interesting.
Scott Steiner throws that same dummy that portrayed the Disciple up in
the rafters (when the Disciple became Warriors sweet bitch inone of the
GREAT latently homosexual moments of the nineties) out of the car and
onto the concrete. POST PRODUCTION AND A GREAT VIDEO PACKAGE LATER AND
IT'S KKIIMMBBEERRLLYY!!!! To echo Schiavonne's sentiments, our prayers
are with Kimberly. May the surgery make her Forever Young. May they
implant a chip in the back of her head that allows her to actually
slowly develop somekind of rhythm. I thought the Turner brass was
rightfully coming down on victimization of women by men on Nitro. I
guess ratings are ratings so fuck any moral compass. This whole angle
has become a NINETEENTH-rate 1997 ECW angle. Go away and darken my TV
no more forever.
The SHAT rambles on for ten minutes while they have somekind of ACTION
ADVENTURE in the back to figure out who is going to wrestle THE SHAT!
HEY! It's VINCENT! He went to Virginia Union here in Richmond so that
adds to the Year Of Vincent here in Ollieland, but he DIDN'T beat the
living shit out the SHAT like he should have so this was worthless.
Send Benoit in there and have him beat his head into the muthfuggin
ground. That would be in the worked column for six weeks afterwards.
The main event was perfectly fine wrestling until the useless wornout
ending. BLEACH! This is the second time that the nwo wolfpack has used
whatever menial job Bischoff was forced to do to become the conduit to
the elaborate Main Event screwjob (remember Bischoff selling the foam
fingers in the Benoit Wrestles For SIX match?). One can only hope that
Flair wises up. "WOOO! BISCHOFF! THIS WEEK! YOUR GONNA BE SELLING!
WOO! BY GOD! HARLEY RACE COMMEMORATIVE ROCKET LAUNCHERS! WOOO!" That
would be some bad judgement. And where were the other Horsemen. THEY
AHD THREE FRICKING HOURS TO RECOVER! And Goldberg is wrestling Nash and
Hall? WHAT!?!
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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