STAN HANSEN! BRUISER BRODIE! and THE FUNKS! double our fun! CHICAGO EXPRESS!
Try's hisFirst and Last Tope! RIPPA watches LLPW so you don't have to!
GOKAR!GOKAR!GOKAR! SOLOMON GRUNDY is ever fatter then DEAN!
and more things....
DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW #92!
If you are looking for another 45 pages of dull as sawdust, GAEA reviews or
LOTS OF CAPITAL LETTERS FOR NO REASON wait till next week. This is FOGHAT
patna and were the straw the broke the camels back. The Man who's index
finger smells like Mrs. Duffy, Phil Schneider, takes on some Empress Mundial
Lucha Libre and some Jumborific All Japan. The Man who Gorilla Pimped you 85
year old Grandma, Phil Rippa, is taking on the Ladies Legend Pro Wrestling
and the days of blood and roses in All Japan. The Man Who Shot Liberty
Valance, Mike Naimark, takes on some Judo Gene LeBell shoot crappyness. So
sit back and enjoy the ride.
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EMLL TV (2/6/99)
(SCHEINDER)
Astro Rey Jr. + La Pantera + Brazo De Oro vs. Archangel De La Muerte + Karloff
Lagarde Jr. + Ultimo Guerrero
These are a bunch of the midcarders in EMLL, all of whom rule (well Oro
doesn't rule, but he is married to the super hot Lady Apache, and thus is an
inspiration to fat guys everywhere). The main focus of this match was the hate
between Archangel and Astro Rey, but it had some Funky Fresh moments from the
other participants. Ultimo took the big Psicosis ringpost bump, except he hit
the top of the ringpost before flying to the floor. Plus Brazo was moving
around pretty good for such a fat ass. However it was La Pantera that stole
the show on this night. Pantera has always been one of the smoothest
luchadores in the world, a tendency which actual detracts from some of his
matches, as his moves looked so effortless that they just look like
interpretive dance or something. The truly great luchadores combine this
effortlessness with real force and intensity. This match had the
normal Pantera awesomeness, but he seemed to have that little extra, as he hit
a spectacular Super Frankensteiner to win the first fall, and hit the bossiest
highspot of the show with the running somersault senton to Karloff Largarde
who is lying face first on the floor. Pretty neat although a little deficient
in mat wrestling.
Super Kendo + Olympus + Kid Guzman vs. Chicago Express + Rencor Latino + Mogur
Latino and Guzman are the jewels in this match, as they both are flashy
Luchadores with a future, who are currently in the dregs of the undercard. I
am unsure whether Super Kendo is the same as original irritating Kendo of
Hamada's UWF and Michinoku fame, but he wrestles the same loose comedy
intensive style, Olympus is so not Olympico. Mogur is about as underwhelming
as it gets and Chicago Express is almost lazy and suckass enough to be
headlining. Guzman is about 15, with a 1992 Shawn Michaels mullet and really
bad salmon pants. He does hit a nice tope and a sweet backflip headscissors
thingy to the floor. Rencor Latino bumps like a true young rudo, and hits a
beautiful tope-con-hilo with his body fully extended, although he needs a
cooler mask to truly contend with Violencia and Black Warrior. This match was
very hit and miss until the end. Latino hits the aformentioned tope-con-hilo,
then Chicago, who has never done anything in his whole crappy career,
decides, in a fit of dementia, to try a tope suicida, the suicida part fits
as his big fat gut catches on the top rope and he falls to the floor landing
back first on the concrete. They go quickly to the finish, as EMLL Theismanns
the replay a good half a dozen times. Quite an unnecessary match, but the
death of Chicago Express is worth seeing.
Universo 2000 + Mascara Ano 2000 + Bestia Salvaje vs. Brazo De Plata + Solomon
Grundy + Mr Niebla
Mr. Niebla is one of the most impressive luchadores in the world, but El Hijo
Del Jesus Christ couldn't save the bacon of this match. Speaking of bacon this
was my first chance to see the legendary Solomon Grundy, who looked a lot like
Jerry Blackwell and Uncle Elmer's hellspawn. Grundy and Plata are really fat.
Their fatness befuddles the comically inept rudos, those rudos mail it in.
Fatties win, Phil is unamused.
Shocker + Lizmark + Ringo Medoza vs. Violencia + Rey Buccanaro + Apollo Dantes
Kind of short match with the highlight being the SUPER CHOICE Canary Yellow
Violencia mask. Dantes hit a nice Black Tiger Bomb. Rey and Vio killed
themselves. Lizmark was graceful for an oldster. Ringo looked a little less
embalmed then usual. Way too short to be really good though.
Blue Panther + Black Warrior + Dr. Wagner Jr. vs. Atlantis + Felino + Emilio
Charles Jr.
This match was for the rudos six-man titles and was the best match on the
show. The first two falls were real good but didn't have the extended Panther
matwork or insane Warrior bumps to push it to the next level. The third fall
was all that and the proverbial bag of chips however. They had a bunch of
broken lucha submission holds for near falls, then it really kicks in with
Black Warrior hitting his awesome out of control tope. The ending is great as
Atlantis makes Blue Panther submit to the lucha torture rack, and as he is
celebrating Wagner hits him with the Wagner Driver for the pin and the win
(Atlantis was the captain and it Lucha Libre you have to tap out or pin
either the captain or the two other wrestlers, IT'S LUCHA, IT AIN'T WHAT YOU
ARE USED TO!) Really cool match, the ending was a lot more heated then most
Lucha matches which belied the importance of the titles.Warrior, Wagner and
Panther are the best rudo trio in wrestling and I want to see lots more title
matches.
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All Japan Classics (4/18-4/22/???)
(The Other Phil)
Terry & Dory Funk vs. Bruiser Brodie/Stan Hansen
Take a moment to bask in the goodness that these four names bring. Everyone
is young and spunky, well except Dory, who is still old but at least he has
some hair in this match. A really choice thing is that everyone decides to
have a straight up wrestling match just because they can. Stiffness rules the
day as no body part is safe. Dory absolutely mauls Brodie with some European
uppercuts. A little training manual should be made with clips of Brodie and
Hansen delivering kneedrops, legdrops, elbows and boots the proper way. Right
across the throat and right in the face, respectively. Hansen and Brodie play
the roles of the heels even though all four are wildly over with the crowd.
Dory Morton Jr gets worked over as Hansen and Brodie trade off applying a
bear hug. Quote from match: "SQUEEZE!" Bruiser Brodie. Terry is fairly sane
on this day. Only once does the bizarre Funk overselling rear its head as
Funk punches the air a couple of times after Hansen knocks him woozy. The
Funks gain control by attacking Brodie with his own boot. Cheap ending as
Brodie and Hansen double team Terry as Dory gets distracted by the ref. A
spike piledriver is all Dory can bear witness too as he gets fired up (well
as fired up as Dory ever gets), and shoves the ref across the ring earning
himself a DQ. The two teams brawl for a little and then Hansen and Brodie
hightail it back to the dressing room. Terry rants in the ring for at least
five minutes just yelling "HAN-SEN! BRO-DIE! SONNAVABITCH!" The ending was
weird but what was even weirder was that there was: no double kneedrop, no
lariat, no spinning toehold and no blood. It was like going to a Bad Company
concert and were they don't play "Bad Company" or going to a Gladys Knight
concert and not hearing "Midnight Train to Georgia" (which actually happened
to me.)
Terry & Dory Funk vs. Bruiser Brodie/Stan Hansen
The rematch from four days later. It's good to see that everyone is still
surly and wanting to beat the hell out of each other. The whole first half of
the match is like some bizzaro street fight as everyone stops brawling so
they can switch and beat on the other guy. There were moments where you could
see Hansen thinking, "Terry, I'm tired off beating your carcass. I want Dory.
Out of my way little man." I really dug it since it played up the hatred
between the four, as no one cared about winning, they just wanted to waffle
each other. Of course, the best moment was when Ultimo Hansen stands Dory up
and starts plastering the back of the elder Funks' knee. The second part of
the match begins as Terry gets his back introduced to the ring post three
times. Brodie and Hansen smell blood and start crushing Terry's back and
yelling at him to give. Terry refuses and eventually gets off a backdrop
driver to allow the tag. Dory and Hansen go at it the ring while Terry and
Brodie pair off on the outside. That led to Brodie getting posted a minimum
of six times which in turns led to Brodie carving himself up. Terry keeps
selling the back which slows his progress back into the ring which is key.
Bruiser grabs his chain and hits the ring. The ref tries to stop him which
earns him a boot in the stomach. It also earns Brodie a DQ but he doesn't
care as he has Dory in his crosshairs. Unfortunately, Brodie has to fight
through a swarm of ring attendants who want to stop the carnage. That allows
Dory to defend himself but soon it is a two-on-one. Dory gets set up for the
lariat but Terry makes the save at the last minute by tackling Hansen. So
more brawling takes place before everyone is separated. I am little
disappointed in the fact that neither match had a clean ending but the
matches were still enjoyable.
Mike Naimark's World o Shootin'
(Naimark)
Why hello dere shootofightin fans! Today's episode of professional
beatings originates from the heart of the good ol' US-of-A, but before
we hop on that bus to Birmingham Alabama (and remember, you
DVD-Hollandaise fans have to sit in the back), I need to mention that
the ÔMelissa' email virus has capsized the University of Tennessee's
mail server, and ambushed my account. As of today, I do not know if I
will be able to recover my undeleted email, which includes all of the
submissions from the last DVD-Foghat MMA Trivia contest. The answer to,
"Who was the largest man to ever compete in MMA" was, of course, the
bulbous Emmanuel Yarborough, the 660 lb sumo from UFC3. Until such time
as I can resolve this mishap, the trivia contest is suspended, because
unlike some OTHER DVD pretenders out there, we here at DVD- Foghat
believe that "Taking Care of Business" means more than just tipping the
pizza delivery boy.
WORLD FIGHTING FEDERATION
If you go around some Ôold school' circles in pro-wrestling, you might
hear the codgers mention the name ÔGene LeBell' in hushed tones, with
the quiet reverence one usually associates with the way they discuss
Elvis in Memphis, or George Michael in the men's room of the Rusty
Nail. HEY! I'm JUST KIDDING! Nobody cares about Elvis in Memphis
anymore!
Gene LeBell, or ÔJudo Gene', carried the banner of submissions grappling
in America back when Ôreal tough guys' duked it out like Ômen', rather
than roll on the ground like a bunch of sissies. Judo Gene taught
American armed forced, palled around with Bruce Lee, and even had time
to write ÔThe Professional Wrestling Submissions Bible', a book of
actually shoot-style pro- wrestling submissions holds, including the
Boston Crab, chicken-wing crossface, and notorious figure-four leglock!
[Note - Go to the library NOW and see if they have it! The Memphis
Public Library has a dog-eared soft-cover copy from 1975; its hilarious,
totally serious, and will inspire me to soaring plateaus of brilliance
when I devise a scheme to defeat the library security and own this
precious literary gem!] ÔJudo Gene' occupies the Ôresident legend'
position in American groundfighting pantheon today, and runs a school
which has attracted some of the best-known students in fighting. The
World Fighting Federation was an ill-fated attempt by LeBell to market
mixed-martial-arts (MMA) competition after the financial successes of
the early UFCs. The event took place in a boxing ring and featured an
enormous amount of in-ring talent, but sadly, at no time do TWO talented
fighters occupy the SAME ring. The event flopped as a PPV when several
cable companies pulled out in the final weeks. Even the crowd in
Birmingham, Alabama stayed home in record droves, resulting in a eerie
televised effect which reminded me of the house shows in the dying days
of the USWA. Still, the show has this certain enchanting quality to it,
due in no small part to the Goldberg-esque appeal of watching fighters
with enormous international reputation steamroll over hapless jobrones.
Every match features a fighter who is either a student of LeBell's, an
instructor in LeBell's dojo, or one of LeBell's "private baby-oil
wrestling" buddies.
WARNING - This event features what I believe to be the first and only
MMA event officiated by a man named David Hales. Described by the
announcers as a Tae-Kwon-Do black belt, Hales is easily the WORST MMA
REFEREE that I've ever seen captured on videotape. Even Andy ÔTry the
Tittyburgers' Anderson puts this stooge to shame.
KARO DAUTYAN (5'10 180lb, Sambo, judo) v MATT GLAVINE (5'9 175)
I may have gotten Glavine's name wrong here, as my copy of the tape has
no sound until midway through this match, and the tattooed tough guy
(who looks suspiciously like the DJ from House of Pain) doesn't get an
onscreen statistics graphic. Karo hails from Armenia and wears these
skimpy stripey bicycle shorts. Glavine shoots and eats a right hook,
shoots and eats a right uppercut, and then shoots and grabs a single-leg
to take Karo to the ground. Karo works from the guard to reverse his
position and grabs an arm for a straight armlock, but Matt wiggles
free. Karo regroups and makes another play for the arm, but is again
rebuked. Glavine uses a burst of energy to work his way high into
Karo's guard and pepper his face with reasonably good punches, then
manages to leave the guard and gain the side-mount as Karo tries to
cover up. A few knees to the ribs (and you can imagine how much THAT
hurts from a side-mount), and Glavine starts wailing away with winging
punches, most of which whiz harmlessly past Karo's head or off his
shooto gloves. BUT WAIT! Here's our referee David Hales! He steps in
and stops the fight! Did Karo tap? No? Is he hurt? No? The
announcers hastily try and devise an explanation; corner threw in the
towel? Tapped with his foot? Tapped with an ear? After some
off-camera bitchslapping from Gene LeBell, Hales re-starts the match.
Glavine shoots and drives Karo into the ropes, where they exchange
dueling front facelocks until Karo gets pushed out of the ring, forcing
a restart. Boxing rings are a bad choice for MMA - the cage is the
proper environment. On the restart, Glavine eats a right uppercut/left
cross combo on his way to a single-leg takedown, but as Karo goes to the
ground, he seems to scoot his ass across the mat to tumble out of the
ring again! What the heck? Another restart! Glavine takes a weak
shoot, Karo counters with a weak punch, and we're seeing some weak
fighting. Another takedown by Glavine, another butt-scootin' boogie
from Karo. UGH. ANOTHER restart, with Karo missing some arm-weary
punches before falling prey to a waistlock takedown. He takes Glavine
into the guard and absorbs a handful of headbutts before Glavine floats
over into the side mount, and then....THE BELL RINGS? WHAT THE FUDGE?
Referee Dave ÔMy eyes atrophied from growing up in a cave' Hales stops
the fight and awards it to Matt Glavine! Did Karo tap? No? Did
he....ah hell, who cares, this fight sucked.
Winner by default, Matt Glavine.
JOE ÔGhetto Man' CHARLES (6'1 255 Judo/JJ) v DAN BOBISH (6'1 290
shootfighting)
You GOTTA love Joe Charles! In the early days of the UFC, Charles
delivered some of the most surreal moments in the history of American
MMA! He gave his first UFC interview wearing a gold turban, flowing
robes, and curly-toed Iron Sheik-style boots, and then demonstrated a
mystical technique that apparently involved juggling ONE cannon ball. I
CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP! Then Dan Severn kicked his heiney and he went
on to lose a pathetic grappling farce against Vitor Belfort in Japan. I
think he sweeps up at LeBell's dojo. Bobish could pass for Goldberg's
younger brother, and is a 3-time All-American freestyle wrestler.
During the in-ring introductions, Charles inexplicably starts doing
splits in his corner; perhaps to demonstrate the resiliency of his
testicles, or looseness of his blue gi pants. Bobish opens the fight
with a ponderous jab, which Charles ducks in the single greatest burst
of speed in his torpid life! He actually takes Bobish down and ends up
in the FULL MOUNT! Charles just about shits himself - he's seen other
guys in this position before, quick, think! Uh, armlo- no, um, er I
could pun...no...uh.....Too late, Ghetto Man! Bobish rolls on his
stomach and literally walks himself to his feet, where they stand and
grapple, Greco-Roman style. Bobish rolls over Charles and ends up in
the half-guard. He plants a beefy forearm into Charles' throat,
wrestling-style, and grinds him down for a while. A few headbutts and
Charles is bleeding from the nose and mouth. Gene LeBell, who is
commentating for the matches, says that "headbutts and referees should
be outlawed". Then he goes back to drinking lukewarm ÔMister Beer' and
the fight continues. More headbutts from Bobish, the finally a facing
neck crank/sleeper that causes The Ghetto Man to tap out. And tap out.
AND TAP OUT! AND TAP OUT! AND THE REFEREE IS JUST SITTING THERE!!!!!
I'm amazed that LeBell didn't jump straight into full-blown ÔJoe Pesci
Mode' and start smacking the fuck out of this bozo right then and
there! FINALLY this TKD dipshit stops the fight. Better late then
never, right, you moron?
Winner, DAN BOBISH!
STEVE SEDDON (5'10 220 Muay-Thai) v HUGO DURATE (6'2 240 Luta Livre)
Hugo Duarte is a freakin' stud of a fighter from Brazil. He's fought
the best in the biz, and is fearless and confident to the extreme.
ÔLuta Livre' means Ôfree fighting' in Portuguese; the Spanish equivalent
would be ÔLucha Libre', but unless you can call Durate caving in a
chump's face with his forehead a Ôtope' the two styles have little in
common. Seddon looks suspiciously similar to Rob Van Dam, but sports an
absolutely bizarre tattoo that covers his entire back with some
outlandish futuresque image. And incredibly enough, I recognize the
image, though I can't place from where. I think it was the cover of a
VoiVod album or something; perhaps that egg- sucking
Hollandaise-drenched muffin Rassmussen can enlighten us with his
extensive knowledge of crappy headbanging bands and their artistic
whims. LeBell says the Las Vegas odds on this match are 17-1 for
Durate. LeBell probably thinks he's IN Vegas right now, from the way
he's yammering. Duarte shoots immediately and grabs Seddon with a
waistlock, quickly dragging him to the mat. Side mount, easily into the
full-mount, and the muay-thai fighter is in a world of shit and Duarte
unloads a couple of strikes. Seddon flips over like a flapjack and gets
choked out in a mere 28 seconds. The referee actually saw the tap-out
the FIRST TIME.
Winner - HUGO DUARTE!
OLEG TAKTAROV (6' 220 Sambo) v CHUCK KIM (5'8 180 wrestling, karate)
You all remember Oleg, of course, from his storied history in the UFC.
Oleg won UFC 6 by outlasting Tank Abbott in Abbott's MMA debut, and went
on to have a lengthy draw with Ken Shamrock at UFC7. Oleg's historical
problem has been that he loves to stand and box (a fact he re-enforces
during his prefight interview where he claims to work almost exclusively
on striking in his current training, as John Snowden correctly said in a
response to an earlier DVDVR review of mine), leading to spectacular
knockouts at the hands of stronger fighters like Gary Goodridge in
Japan. But on the ground, Oleg is elite. He's got sambo moves I've
never seen before, and pulled off an absolutely picture-perfect
Tartarkin roll (Goldberg's rolling kneelock thingy) into a kneebar to
defeat Dave Bennetau in the UFC. Chuck Kim is, uh, Chuck Kim, so there
you go. Chuck shoots for a double-leg, Oleg neatly sprawls, grabs a
guillotine choke, and obstructs Kim's breathing until he taps. Yep,
thats it. The announcers amazingly claim that the match lasted an
entire 22 seconds, which I find hard to believe. This match is so short
is should be used as a measuring stick for premature ejaculation. Hey
Chuck Kim! That ain't egg on your face!
Winner by submission, OLEG TAKTAROV!
Gene LeBell claims that he threatened to cut off Oleg's vodka supply if
he didn't dispense of Kim quickly. He's so tickled by that remark that
he runs over to ringside where Oleg is being interviewed, and barges in
to repeat the Ôjoke' again on-camera! Oleg stands next to Frank
Shamrock (with his old nose) and Gene LeBell, and talks about his movie
career.
TOM ERIKSON (6'4 290 Freestyle wrestling) v DAVIN WRIGHT (6' 340
ÔAmerican Freeform')
Tom Erikson is one of the top superheavyweight freestyle wrestlers on
the planet. He's also a well-seasoned veteran of MMA competition,
having clubbed down suckers on three continents, including Japan and
Brazil. As an alternate in the 1996 Olympics, Erikson is truly worthy
of respect as a fighter and an athlete. So that's why the putz doing the
prefight interviewing asks the former World Games freestyle wrestling
Gold-medalist to explain the differences between freestyle, college, and
pro-wrestling. I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP! Erikson, to his credit, doesn't
twist the clueless nimrod into a knot, and I notice that he actually
does look sort of like ÔBruiser' Bob Swetan. Davin Wright is a big fat
butterball with a bogus martial art. The announcers mention that his
job is "collecting money"; so you've got one of the most feared fighters
in the world on your card, and you match him up with some local-yokel
thug? Some amateur legbreaker goon? Have another shot of Schnapps,
Judo Gene, I'm buying. Wright has the balls to say that he doesn't
think Erikson will be able to take him down. So Erikson shoots after 5
seconds and easily takes Wright down with a single-leg before clubbing
his skull with some thunderous punches. Rather than go for a choke as
Wright turns, Erikson just keeps hammering away with thudding blows
until the referee finds his contact lens and stops the fight at the 42
scond mark. WINNER BY TKO - TOM ERIKSON!
After the fight Erikson is joined in the post-match interview by Mark
Coleman; at the time, Coleman was the defending 2-time UFC champ, and so
he quickly went into his usual spiel about the greatness of wrestlers
and how freestyle wrestlers have proven to be the best fighters in the
world, yadda yadda yadda. Soon after, Coleman would lose to a
*kickboxer* with no groundfighting experience, Maurice Smith, and then
get knocked out by Shamrock rookie Pete Williams. Having seen these
fights makes Coleman's boasting much more tolerable.
The MAAAAAAIN EVENT! Folks, we got a LEGEND in the ring tonight!
GOKAR CHIVICHYAN (5'10 185, Sambo, submissions) v Mr. Maeda (6'2 240
Judo, Muay- Thai)
Mr. Maeda is announced as being a Japanese judo champion and an
international Muay-Thai champion, claiming a MMA record of 200-0. Yeah
right. The REAL boss of the ring here is Gokar, the closest thing
America has to its own Gracie. Besides, how can you NOT like a guy with
a name like ÔGokar'? "Beware, puny mortal! You cannot resist the power
of GOKAR!" Gokar is an Armenian fighter who gained an enormous
reputation in both grappling/judo/sambo tournaments and in the
underground fighting world as a submissions grappler without peer.
Although I've only seen him fight twice, he's been brilliant both times,
and I've yet to hear anybody disparage his reputation or knock his claim
of being undefeated over 15 years. Gokar fights so rarely these days,
preferring to devote most of him time to training and teaching grappling
at Gene LeBell's dojo, that this is a unique opportunity for fight
fans. Maeda, er, ÔMister' Maeda, is 240lbs of totally ripped-to-shreds
muscle, and claims before the fight to be too quick for a grappler to
defeat. This seems to be a trend in these fights tonight. Gokar rushes
in and clinches, quickly gets hand control over the larger Maeda, and
skillfully drags the rube over his hip and to the ground. After a
moment of silent laughter, Gokar whirls from the side mount into the
full mount, and around into a cross-armbreaker. Maeda locks his mighty
muscled arms together to prevent Goakr from locking out his arm, but
Gokar's wirely 5'9 180lb frame has too much power for Maeda to resist.
In a flash, his arm is being wrenched hideously against the elbow and
Gene LeBell is engaging in some sort of primal autoerotic howling in
full public view. This match took all of 40 seconds.
WINNER BY SUBMISSION, GOKAR CHIVICYAN!
And there ya go! 6 fights, total in-ring time of under 10 minutes, and
more than half of that was in the first fight. Gene LeBell staggered
back to his dojo, and the various fighters continued their careers with
varying degrees of success. The WFF folded before it even got off the
ground, Gokar went back to teaching (this was, I believe, his last
public match), and the referee David Hales faded into well-deserved
obscurity until today, when we kind souls at Death Valley Driver- Foghat
finally gave him a single relevant hit on a search engine somewhere.
So ya'll come on back next time for another heapin' helpin' of homestyle
shootostyle ass- whoopin' goodness! Remember at DVD-Foghat, "Takin Care
of Business" ain't just the chorus from the greatest song ever to be
written in 4/4 time, its our way of life!
LLPW LIVE BATTLE '97 Commercial Tape (3/6 & 3/8/97)
(The Other Phil)
Shinobu Kandori vs. Eagle Sawai
Coming from Tokyo's Kitazawa Town Hall, it's a battle for the LLPW World
Singles Title. And Eagle Sawai still is fat. All the stuff I have watched
recently is from 1997, so I can just imagine how fucking huge Sawai is now. Oh
well. Kandori grabs the STICK but has no time to shit talk as Sawai attacks
right away. The run-ins come early and often in this match and become quite
annoying. Neither lady provides anything outstanding in the way of offense.
Kandori works over the arm quite a bit while Sawai's offensive contribution is
a chinlock. Kandori has numerous opportunities to get the win but Sawai's
cronies prevent it. It gets pretty chaotic on the outside as each faction of
girls brawls a whole lot. Meanwhile, Sawai must have been smoking some of that
good stuff as she suddenly thinks she can fly. First she tries a splash off
the ring apron. That didn't work out so well. Then she splashes Kandori
through a table. I miss how Kandori gets handcuffed but she does which allows
Sawai to work her over. Eventually, Kandori gets cut free but she can't fight
free from a triple team powerbomb. She barely kicks out at two. So when Sawai
drops another powerbomb on her, she can't kick out. Afterwards, Sawai talks
about needing to find someplace to eat while Kandori says something along the
lines of that she would have challenged the play but was out of timeouts.
The rest of the matches all take place on 3/8/97 from Korakuen Hall
Sayori Okino vs. Miho Watabe
Hey, big girl beats up little girl. What a surprise. Okino dominated most of
the match on the little, little, little youngster but Watabe kept kicking out
which enabled her to get a couple of spurts of offense in. Nothing to write
home about though. Okino wins with a modified Texas Cloverleaf.
Miss Mongol vs. Keiko Aono
Mongol was trying to carry the walking head of lettuce to something watchable
and when Mongol is doing the carrying that is not a good sign. Mongol really
frightens me by channeling BOTH Kimala (using double chops) and Road Warrior
Hawk (top rope shoulder block). There were just do many factors to prevent me
from wanting to have an interest in this match.
Emi Motokawa vs. Mikiko Futagami
This match was a lot better than I thought it would be. That doesn't mean it
was great or anything but it surely was more entertaining than I thought.
Motokawa got a decent amount of offense in and Futagami was willing to sell so
it made Motokawa look even better. My favorite moment was the first thing that
happened as Motokawa tries to jump Futagami before the bell but Futagami turns
around and greets the pumpkin prom queen with a boot smack damn in the middle
of her face. Motokawa keeps herself in the match by using her quickness to
stave off Futagami's power advantage. There was a big pop for a Motokawa
surfboard. I was happier with her top rope plancha to the floor which took out
all sorts of things. There was a big whopping number of two counts to keep me
interested. Finally, Futagami stops playing around and just runs over Motokawa
with a clothesline. It was textbook. Caught her right under the chin. Oh, poor
Emi. All dressed up and no one to dance with.
Rumi Kazama/Mizuki Endo vs. Yasha Kurenai/Carol Midori
I really dig the team of Kurenai and Midori. Midori is one of the best
wrestlers of the LLPW crop while Kurenai gives me that wonderful warm feeling
inside so I am all for her. Endo still looks like she lost a bet with God
because NO ONE can have hair that bad by their own free will. This is pretty
much a condensed match as the teams have to work in a bunch of stuff before
the goofy run-in soils the match (I'll get back to that.) The tempo was fast
which has it good and bad points. It made for more entertainment but the
number of blown spots went up proportionally. They try a cool spot where
Kurenai tries to slingshot Midori over the ref and into Endo but the ref
didn't move in time so Midori had to correct which turned it into some weird
double jump axehandle. The match is so condensed that Kurenai doesn't have
time to grab her ever present stick. About four minutes in or so, Eagle
Sawai's posse hits the ring and attacks all four combatants. Hey! I don't like
it when the NWO does it on Nitro so I am not going to like it now. After
laying out everyone, the match starts back up with just enough time for Endo
to block a Midori top rope Frankensteiner and turn it into a powerbomb for the
win. Afterwards, Endo cries to Kazama that she needs a curfew later than 10
pm. (or something like that. My Japanese is a little rusty.)
Eagle Sawai/Lioness Asuka/Shark Tsuchiya/Michiko Nagashima vs. Shinobu
Kandori/Noriyo Tateno/Harley Saito/Michiko Omukai
This a three out of five falls match and it is a TRAIN WRECK! I want to know
who has Paul Heyman whispering in their ear. From the word go, it is an out of
control brawl with about 27 girls involved. It was all about typically ECW
overbooking. It took me a couple of minutes to make sure that everyone on my
match list was actually wrestling in the match. So as per usual every time
Sawai et al takes on Kandori et al, everyone and their mother gets involved
which is really disappointing since their is enough talent in the ring to make
for a really good match. That obviously does not count Sawai or Tsuchiya
because you they still stink. I will do my best to hit on the highpoints of
the match. After the big brawl to start, Omukai gets singled out by the heels
and gets completely destroyed. Asuka brings all the pain with assorted kicks
while Nagashima introduces Omukai's face to her kendo stick. Numerous times
mind you. Omukai get crushed with a powerbomb and with all of her friends
distracted on the outside, the heels get the first fall. Tateno comes in and
does nothing and gets pinned in under minute, so just like that Kandori's crew
is down two falls to none. Saito is the next to start getting worked over
including being put through a table but she rallies for her team. I will admit
that I have a soft spot for Saito as she has grown on me every time I have
seen her. So I got a little more pumped up as she started firing back to get
her team back into the match. Anyhoo, Saito catches Nagashima with something
and gets the pin. My favorite sequence comes towards the end of the match.
Kandori and Sawai have finally gotten their hands on each other. Kandori
manages to stun Sawai and get the pin. Kandori starts to celebrate and gets
dropped right on top of her head by Asuka with a backdrop driver. A little while later Sawai
rolls on top of Omukai and that is all she wrote. The match wasn't horrible. There was a lot of
action - it wasn't necessarily good - but it was a lot of heated action. Still there was nothing on
this tape that was a must see.
@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!
Jumbo's Weekend of Wrestling (8/31/90-9/1/90)
(SCHNEIDER)
Two days, two ****+ matches, welcome to the world of the great Jumbo Tsuruta.
This is from the LOTS O' JUMBO tape which the mysterious benefactor of the
FOGHAT revolution BostonIdol sent me, along with the amazing Japanese
federations book that gave me a rundown of all the wrestlers for Social
Progress (and If you haven't seen The Murderer's mask, you haven't lived the
life of 21st Century wrestling fan)
Jumbo Tsuruta v. Kenta Kobashi 8/31/90
Jumbo gives a little shrug during the ring intros as if to say "Why am I
wrestling this goofy punk". Kobashi has a Sha-Na-Na pompadour at this point in
his career. Jumbo opens up with some cringe inducing forearms straight to the
face, knocking the then svelte Kobashi loopy. Kobashi, after a failed attempt
to stand toe to toe with Jumbo, does a really neat Ricky Steamboat headlock
spot, with Jumbo trying to break the headlock with a kneebreaker (which Kenta
sells while keeping on the headlock) and a back suplex which Kenta blocks with
a leg grapevine. Jumbo gets free and gets knocked to the floor were Kobashi
hits a monster plancha. Kenta then goes through a leg submissions medley using
a Texas Cloverleaf, Figure Four and Indian Deathlock. Misawa is in the ring entrance scouting
big Jumbo for his match tomorrow. Tsuruta gets the advantage by decapitating Kenta with a
lariat, Kobashi picks his head out from the sashimi box of some guy in the third row and after
jamming it back on his severed spinal cord hits his graceful moonsault. In 1990, Kobashi had
maybe the best moonsault I have ever seen, it is still cool, but now it is cool in a fat guy out of
control kind of way, like when Timber the Lumberjack does one. Jumbo got sick of playing
with funboy Kobashi and decided to take this baby home, he hits the flying knee from the top
rope and a big powerbomb both of which shithead Kobashi kicks out of, before hitting a back
suplex for the pin. Pretty darn good match, Kobashi had not yet developed his random sell.
Jumbo laid in a pretty great beating, although you can never pummel the Orange Crush enough
for me. I do think that Kobashi shouldn't have kicked out of the powerbomb at the end, but
that is a minor quibble with a darn good match.
Jumbo Tsuruta v. Mitsuharu Misawa 9/1/90
This is the rematch of Misawa's first win over Tsuruta on 6-8-90 which Pogo
Pete reviewed in DVDR #91 (I got no personal problem with Pete, he is a pretty
good writer and seems like a nice guy if you can get past the smell). Jumbo
starts out pissed off as he wallops Misawa, with Misawa doing some highflying
stuff to counter Jumbo's fury, including a second rope headbutt. They then
settle into a wrestling sequence as they fight over a bow and arrow, which
Misawa does a nice backflip kick out of. Jumbo then does a running forearm
which kills Misawa deader then Tammy Stych's arm veins. They do some more
wrestling, including Jumbo countering a second headbutt attempt by driver
Misawa's pretty face into the mat. Then Misawa hits Jumbo with some forearms,
Jumbo flips out and starts pummeling Misawa down to the ground. The end was
resplendent with near falls, as Misawa gets 2 and 7/9ths with a German suplex,
and Jumbo gets a nearfall with a backdrop driver. The end was choice with Misawa hitting a
nasty elbowsmash which Jumbo sells like he was hit with a bag of nickels. Misawa goes for the
coup de grace and Jumbo blasts him with a lariat for the pin. Sweet match which was better
then the Kobashi one the day before. It wasn't as good as the 6/8/90 match as Misawa's first
win had the crowd insanely hot, and Misawa blew a couple of things near the end. Jumbo was
tons of fun to watch in the late 80's and early 90's as he was about the stiffest worker in the
world, and truly great at telling a compelling story in a match. I like this era of All Japan better
then the current stuff, as the moves mean more and there are well built matches, rather then
headdropping contests. Trust me you want every second of this.
@!@!@!@!@!@! Dean Rasmussen Braying Jackass @!@!@!@!@!@!@!
Everyone thinks that just because Sir Eats a Lot Dean Rasmussen spends hours
of his pathetic life watching professional wrestling (FYI, Angie is the name
of his Gila Monster, Haley is his cat), he must actually know something about
Professional Wrestling. We here at DVDR FOGHAT wish to put an end to that
rumor. We will let the man's words speak for themselves.
Death Valley Driver Video Review #10
"Jeff Jarrett rules the f*cking earth. His match on Nitro this week was
beautiful. I don't know who is the best in WCW now at getting opponents over -
Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho or Jeff Jarrett. The Argument for Jericho would
be his recent match against Mike Enos, the houseshow reports of him pulling very good
matches out of Disco Inferno, and the >hell!< miracle match against Steve Armstrong Saturday
on WCWSN, which I was amazed at seeing. I actually forgot for a minute that Armstrong was
jobbed into oblivion prior to this match and was just being carried by Jericho with such
absolute perfection. Jarrett might have it over Eddie because Eddie couldn't drag a decent
match out of Bubba like Jarrett did Monday and Jericho may have it over Eddie because Chris
pulled a good match out of Enos, unlike Eddie. Of course, the true proof is when they are in
with real, honest to God workers. I'm guessing sooner or later we're gonna get the
ass-stomping Benoit/Jarrett feud and then we'll see Double J's true workrate colors.
Benoit/Jericho was great, the elevenish Guerrero/Benoit matches RULED, and I'm guessing
that the heat in a Benoit/Jarrett match may be enough to take to that same level- though Jarrett
isn't quite in the other two's league, physical talent-wise- though he does have a flawless grasp
of old-school American selling and psychology, and GOD! can anybody work a match better
in the US?"
Can anybody work a match better in the US Huh? I bet you never knew Dean was
such a strut mark.
NEXT TIME!! Fatty should be doing some of the Glenn tape. Boring should be doing some
more women's wrestling. And Pogo Pete should really take a bath. Until we meet again.
SLOW RIDE TAKE IT EASY!!
