Subject: SHINJIRO OHTANI! and KENDO KA SHIN! beat the holy hell out of each other. BRIAN ADIAS! sucks!!! KAWADA ! and AKIRA TAUE! whomp ass in an old school way. STEVE SIMPSON! can sort of wrestle. LIGHNING KID! is the shiznit. EMI MOTOKAWA, DADDY! and other stuff.
ALOHA~!
Welcome to DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW #64!
It's been a week of GIGANTIC tape-watching proportions for both me and
the youngster up North- the fabulous Phil Schneider. I got the THREE
Glenn tapes from the swellest guy to ever drew breath (that would be
Glenn) which were all chock-full of grapplin goodness, and Phil swung
the deal that landed him all the Puerto Rican TV he could ever want and
then some, so our collective dance cards are pretty full,
tape-gazing-wise. I'd like to send out a totally gratutious and petty
bit of info to maestros of Lucha Libre, Pete and Rev. Ray- GLENN SENT ME
THE POSTER FOR CMLL IN JAPAN and GOD is it BOSS! Next time I see you
I'll definately bring it so I can actually WATCH you turn green with
envy.:) Shocker is TOTALLY VERTICAL on it. On a less gloating note.:)
Phil and Phil the Ripper (owner of the WORLD'S WORST CAR- a Chrysler
Celebrity that would send Ralph Nader into seizures) and the cute,
cuddly and GAEA-esque Jennifer- the misguided (or perhaps visually
impaired) girlfriend of the former of the Phils joined Hangman Tim and
twenty other non-wrestling-addled pals of mine for the New Years' Day
brunch where Angie got to get all Northern Italian on your ass and cook
like a woman who created this fatboy. A fantabulous time was had by
all. It was pot-stickers till ya drop. WHOMP ASS!
!@!@!@!@!@!@!@ GAEA- G-PANIC 12/13
This was kinda hit or miss as they spotlighted their next crop of
youngsters now that they have the proven commodities of Uematsu,
Satomura, Kato, the divine Sugar, and Nagashima. The biggest push seems
to be behind Sakura Hirota and she is kinda like a Chigusa protege like
Meiko Satomura was last year. The problem is that Hirota isn't nearly
as developed as Satomura so these are kinda burly in sections. Let's Go
Match By Match!!
Maiko Matsumoto vs Hirota:
For hardcore GAEA freaks only (which I think includes me and Ollie
Postlethwaite.:)) Matsumoto and Hirota are deeply into the
developmental phase and Chigusa likes for the young punkins to have
dozens of matches amongst themselves until they develop their own styles
and can figure out what works and what doesn't work in front of a paying
audience. Of course why she would stick it on TV is beyond me. Hirota
IS cute as all hell though and if she becomes any kind of a worker, she
could get way over.. She wins with an inexplicable submission.
Mita/ Shimoda vs Chigusa/ Hirota:
This was a whole lot of fun. Mima Shimoda. Little Pants. WOO-HOO!
This was about as wacky as Mita and Shimoda get, keeping with their
current hot trend, with Mita being...Oh I dunno... SUPERNAUGHTY, maybe.
She really puts the boots to Hirota- pile-driving her through a table
and giving her a Death Valley Driver that Louie Spiccolli could only
dream of. Chigusa makes the saves at appropriate times and works really
well with the two ULTRAVIXENS, as one would expect. Hirota looks pretty
credible in an up-and-coming kind of way, though she DEEPLY needs a less
anemic offense to hang with the HOT MINKY HELLCATS, though she had a few
nifty moments. She does go crazy at the end, hitting everybody
(including Chigusa) with the pink Shimoda chair. Shimoda makes me glad
to be a heterosexual man. Mita is quite the GODDESS OF PURE EVIL also,
but Shimoda...she....she....oh......I'll stop right now.:)
Akira Hokuto/ Sonoko Kato vs Chigusa/ Hirota:
This is a wreck. Kato is a Hokuto follower and Satomura is the Yamada
protege so these kinda matches are gonna happen, but Akira and Chigusa
are just goofing off in this one. Kato didn't get much in, but Hirota
gets in a plancha off the ringpost. I was figuring on Hokuto killing
Hirota. Dead. Since Hirota was busting on the Dangerous Queen from the
get-go, but no such luck.
Numao/ Matsumoto/ Hirota vs Uematsu/ Rina Ishii/ Hikari Kato:
Rina Ishii and Hikari Kato are the most promising of the non-Toshie
aspects of this match and they aren't in with each other. Rina gets her
nose broken by the hideously mediocre Numao. Matsumoto and Numao make
this match unwatchable, with Hirota doing a couple of nice things with
Kato and Uematsu. Uematsu is slumming it in this baby because she's
already had some actually great matches and she doesn't really add
anything to this other than the finisher. Ugh!
Rina Ishii vs Hikari Kato:
This was quite watchable as these two could be the next two to break out
from the pack with Hirota. Kato is a big girl who can stretch an
opponent. Ishii is real inconsistent thus-far, but she is proving to be
exciting in spots because she is agile enough and can fly pretty well so
far. Journeyman at best, but the sparks of promise show through at
spots.
Mayumi Ozaki/ Sugar Sato vs KAORU/ Yamada:
Oh baby! This was a batch of fun. Sugar, the queen of heroin chic in
GAEA, is dressed exactly like her role-model, her partner Mayumi Ozaki,
and there are points when you can't tell them apart. Ozaki cheeses off
Yamada early and all Yamada can think of is beating the crap out of the
PURE WILD one. This cheeses off KAORU because- while Yamada is fighting
to get at Ozaki- Ozaki and Sugar beat the crap out of KAORU. Sugar
hangs with the big girls in this one and it's pretty great. I await the
KAORU vs Yamada ass-stompathon with baited breath. GET SOME OF ALLLL
THIS!
%^%^%^%^%^ NEW JAPAN TV aired 12/20
Ohtani vs Ka Shin is FREAKIN GREAT- possibly the best Ohtani match since
the Liger match last year. Kendo Ka Shin has really come into his own
as of late and he was freakin awesome in this, flying into submission
moves like lightning, like Cobra, like...a....a....really fast thing.
Ohtani is in FULL DICK MODE, playing the conceited little prick that
Kanemoto lives 24-7. Liger has really got this division in a good way,
because by giving KaShin all the big wins over Kanemoto and Takaiwa,
there is a big pop for every cross armbreaker because, HELL! who knows?-
Ishizawa could pull off the upset and who would be totally shocked?
Liger has built it up by putting all these guys in the ring together and
having everybody have truly bone-crushing wins over bigname opponents on
the opposing team. Liger is a smarter version of Pete Rozelle. Kinda.
Ohtani just thoroughly WHIPS ASS in this- going to the mat with the
young mat master, suplexing the holy FUDGE out of the masked man and
scraping his boot across the other punks face. I pretty much adored
this match.
Hashimoto/ Nakanishi vs Mutoh/ Chono:
This was pretty good. Nakanishi has new little white pants that are
quite disturbing. Chono and Mutoh are now officially a funtabulous
tagteam as Chono is wrestling Within Himself and kicking people in the
face and is the basic Japanese King-sized HeatMachine and Mutoh grew a
beard and remembered how to actually work again. They go over big with
the double submission over, which is weird since Nakanishi putting over
either of these guys would be conventional wisdom.
!@!@!@!@!@! ALL JAPAN TV 11/30/97
Taue/ Kawada vs Kobashi/ Ace kicked a whole lot of ass while it lasted
in its highly truncated version on AJTV. Johnny Ace hits his American
Trifecta of Moves stolen at length- Ace Crusher, FaceCrusher, and OOPS!
No time for the next big move to be stolen in the USA- the Cobra Clutch
Suplex. Kawada and Dynamic T pummel the crap out of Kobashi as you
would expect. Ace makes goofy faces between SWANK moves in an
unsettling developement.
Misawa/ Akiyama vs Hayabusa/ Shinzaki:
Now this REALLY cheesed me off. Shinzaki has stunk up the ring more
often this year than even Jeff Jarrett, but put him in the ring with
freakin Mitsuhara Fuckin Misawa in a match where Shinzaki HAS to get off
his fat lazy ass and wrestle, and he looks GREAT. He sells, he hits
spots, he takes hellish bumps, his offense is offbeat and neato-
especially the Dick TOGO front somersault heel kick which was totally
Togo-esque. Hayabusa continued to make 97 the YEAR THAT HAYABUSA NO
LONGER SUCKED even if his basic duty in the match is to be Exploder
Suplex Fodder. Misawa, being WAY too much of a pro, allows Shitzaki to
do that ridiculous rope walking crap, but also beat the piss out of the
erstwhile Hakushi so I guess it's okay. The fabulous Tope Con
Hilo/Flying Space Tiger Drop combo by Haya and Shinz was pretty
ultra-fabulous, but the Exploders and
Stiffer-Than-RSPW-When-Chyna-Got-Her-Boobies Elbows were cooler. The
ending is great and totally All-Japan with everybody killing each other
and everybody kicking out at 2 and 9/10ths. GET ALLLLLL THIS!
#$#$#$#$#$# GLOBAL LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT TOURNAMENT
I remember- back in the summer of 1991- Global Wrestling Federation, for
a
quick moment, being the best wrestling in America. I mean in the
NWA/WCW, at the Great American Bash, El Gigante was wrestling One
Man Gang and Rick Steiner and Missy Hyatt were wrestling Arn Anderson
and Paul E. Dangerously in a cage; and, in the WWF, at Summerslam Hulk
Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior were fighting Sgt. Slaughter, Gen Adnan
and Col. Mustafa in the "Match made in Hell" (Truer words have never
been
spoken.) Meanwhile, Global had Eddie Gilbert, Cactus Jack, Terry Gordy,
Jerry Lynn and the Lightning Kid. California never really had any
televised indy wrestling (except CCW which had four episodes run over
and over again; Ripper Savage rocked though) so Global was the indy of
my youth; so in many ways, watching this whole damn tournament again
was the death of my innocence, cause I sure as hell didn't remember so
much
suck.
Butch Blackhart v. Handsome Stranger:
Handsome Strange is Marcus Bagwell, and he is as gassed as a Steiner and
greener then broccoli. His gimmick is that he is a masked lothorio who
passes out roses to the toothless, meth-snorting, either emaciated or
obese Stucky's waitresses who populate the front rows of the
Sportatorium (or the Global Dome as they hyperbolically dubbed it).
Butch Blackhart looks exactly like one of these ladies boyfriends. The
incubatory Buff with a fisherman's suplex.
Rip Rogers v. Ray Evans:
Rip was IMO the lost great worker of the eighties, I have some JTTS
matches with him against Brian Pillman from the Main Event that kick
anything they ever had on that shows scrawny ass. The Hustler was in
the
Cartel, which was the big Global heel group (led by the mysterious Boss)
and was getting a push. Ray Evens was some guy they dragged off the
street so they could make this a 24 man tourney. Rip with the DDT.
Nothing special, nothing horrible, pretty much....nothing.
Ed Robinson v. Chaz:
Ed Robinson looks like the guy who sold my parents their aluminum
siding. Chaz is a highflying guy in hideously small pants, I mean he
was
wearing bikini briefs; it was so raunchy you could see his package and
everything. The match itself was pretty good, with Chaz trying some
stuff, and not fucking up too much of it and hitting a nice top rope
karate kick, however I have to give it a negative million billion stars
for the
tiny pants.
Bubba Fangman v. Lightning Kid:
Bubba Fangman has the coolest name in the tournament, Lightning Kid
looked real, real young, had lightning bolts in his hair and wrestled
like a kingpin. The Kid with a spin kick.
John Tatum v. Khris Germany:
John Tatum is about 15 cases of Shlitz away from being a
lightheavyweight, but I guess, because of his agility and grace, they
let
the weight limit slide a tad. Khris Geremany looks like he moonlights
at
a Stereo store. Tatum with the Middle Of The Road Superkick.
Terry Garvin v. Kenny the Stinger:
Terry Garvin is the famed WWF ringboy molester and Pal of Pat Patterson,
Kenny the Stinger is another guy who is way too big too be in this
tournament. Kenny had real bad hair- kind of a blond flatop with really
long hair in the back, and he wasn't good at wrestling. Terry Garvin
actually had some good matches in Global with Eddie Gilbert, but Kenny
the Stinger ain't Eddie Gilbert, so this stunk. Garvin with a DDT that
wasn't as good as Rip Rogers
"Quick" Rick Garren v. Terry Daniels:
Terry Daniels was a Marine Corp wrestling champion, Garren is anonymous.
This match was pretty darn good, with a lot of fast mat wrestling and
good counters, nothing fancy but everything was well applied and the
transitions were crisp. I don't know what happened to either of these
guys, but they looked like they had some sort of future. Daniels with a
roll up
Jerry Lynn v. Randy Rhodes:
Jerry Lynn is of course the second best wrestler in this tournament, so
they stick him in this match. Rhodes , who bares a frighteningly
striking resemblance to Dusty Rhodes- I mean everything but the splotch-
claims that he is 232 which is a pound under the limit, and him and his
manager ? (that guy who has more then a fraternal love for the Colorado
Kid) argue with the ref, and Jerry Lynn rolls him up. An utter waste of
a good wrestler, here is an angle that is just screaming have Brian
Adias advance with and they waste Lynn. Bleech.
Iceman King Parsons v. Adrian Street:
Boy! the Iceman was flamboyant! Boy! Adrian was colorful! Boy! neither
could wrestle. Bunch of comedy crap; Iceman dumps Adrian over the top
rope and gets DQ'ed. Real poor but it was frickin Ric Flair v. Ricky
Steamboat compared to ...
Brian Adias v. El Bandelaro:
Brian Adias looks like my dad's old bridge partner, Roger Baliss, and
wrestles just like Roger Baliss would if he was snatched off the street
and put in a match. He is the worst wrestler I have ever seen, he is
slow, sloppy, can't mat wrestle, is boring, has no charisma, works
loose, has no move set, and isn't over, he is absolutely nothing. El
Bandalero is probably Ray Evens in a mask or something cause he sure
wasn't a luchadore. The repellent Brian Adias with the shittiest
Russian
leg sweep ever. It was amazingly bad, worse than the greenest of indy
rookie matches, worse than Big Slam Vader v. King Kong Bundy, worse than
that Sid Vicious v. Nightstalker. The absolute Nadir of all wrestling.
Maniac Mike Davis v. Victor Gonzales:
Rey ain't a luchadore either (how hard would it have been for Global to
go across to Monterey Mexcio and grab a half dozen luchadores for this
tourney, it's not like they would have had to pay them anything, they
could have had El Hijo Del Santo for 50 bucks and a couple of hotdogs,
instead the fill out the brackets with poop like these two) Davis with a
bunch of lame heel tactics i.e. punches and chokes and crap, and he gets
the win with a leg across the head of a crouching Gonzazles.
Steve Simpson v. Mike Stetson:
Stetson is real fat. Steve Simpson is one half of the famous Simpson
brothers from South Africa, who some how got Texas redneck wrestling
fans to cheer for them for years despite the fact they looked like the
biggest puss boys in the history of pussdom. Steve looks exactly like
the bass-player from Trixster. Lots of mat wrestling from Simpson, lot
of
cellulite on Stetson. Simpson with the top rope splash.
Chaz v. Lightning Kid:
Chaz has a different shade of horrifically tiny pants. The Lightning
Kid
is the bomb, this is real good match. They start with some mat
exchanges
and move into some quick armdrags and dropkicks. The Kid pastes Chaz
with some kicks, he whips Chaz to the ropes and dropkicks him in the
corner. He tries it again and does the Psicosis bump in the ring (dive
into the corner and land on your head). Chaz hits a nice power plant
cross body block. The Kid puts on a cross armbraker and Scott Hudson
(of
WCW PRO FAME!!!) talks about how the kid learned his style wrestling in
the UWF in Japan where they wrestle a submission style (I laugh the
cruel laugh of the wrestling nerd as I realize that that ignorant fool
Hudson has mistaken the shootsyle UWF where Nobhioro Takada and Akira
Meadea fought , with the Lucha UWF, a precusror to Michinoku Pro, run by
Gran Hamade in which the Lightning Kid actually wrestled). The Kid
hits
a choice tope-con-hilo which rocked cause it wasn't crisp and it looked
all out of control and dangerous. The Kid hits the spinning kick, and
then a tombstone for the win.
Handsome Stranger v. Rip Rogers:
They totally wasted Rogers in this tourney, a match with Chaz or the Kid
or Lynn would have been real good, instead they saddled him with a
satchel of turds. Here they put him in with the Lugeresque Stranger,.
Clothesline, powerslam, crap (Bagwell was as bad then as he is good
now.). Rasta the Voodo Man (the gimmick precursor to Papa Shango) comes
out as an ominous portent of screwjobs to come. Roidwell with the
fishermans suplex.
Brian Adias v. Mike Davis:
Hide the women and children, Davis with the rope assisted pin after a
Adias sunset flip.
Jerry Lynn vs Terry Daniels:
Not as good as it should have been. Jerry was deeply into being a guy
who GONNA be good at some point as opposed to actually being a guy who
is good. Terry Daniels isn't to blame. Lynn with a sub-Ricky Steamboat
Body Press.
Hollywood John Tatum v. Terry Garvin:
Tatum doing all his comedy crap, making those funny faces which
originated when he . Tatum with the chain.
Steve Simpson v. Adrian Street:
Way better then it had any right to be. Lots of cool mat wrestling by
both, Adrian Street does a somesault drop toe-hold which was pretty
improbable, but neat. Really weird ending as Street bulldogs Simpson
and, holds his side like he hurt his ribs and the ref stops the bout.
Handsome Stranger v. Lightning Kid:
The two actual workers in the angled behemoth that is the NWO, square
off
before they were stars. This was way worse then it had any right to be.
Lots of stalling by the Kid and, when they finally get going, Rasta the
Voodo Man comes out and puts a spell on the Handsome Stranger causing
him to fall off the top rope and get spin kicked. Voodo + Wrestling =
Thundering Herd of Suck.
Steve Simpson v. Mike Davis:
Davis bites, punches, chokes, sucks. The King of Sissified Girlyboys
wins with a top rope splash.
Jerry Lynn v. John Tatum:
Tatum does what Tatum does, as I wonder how Rip Rogers got eliminated
and Tatum is still in this tourney. Tatum accedently superkicks the ref
and Lynn advances.
There was a coin toss and Lynn gets a bye to the final.
Lighning Kid v. Steve Simpson:
Fun. Simpson hits a couple of floatover vertical suplexes and a real
neat floatover chicken wing suplex, as he continues to impress me
despite myself. Kind of short with the Kid winning by reversing a cross
body block.
Lightning Kid v. Jerry Lynn - Global Light heavyweight Final:
Great, great, great, great match. Really neat mat wrestling opening.
They both used Lucha and Japanese influences so you could tell these
boys watched some tapes. Highlights include, the Kid pasting Lynn in
the
corner with some kicks and Lynn turning the last one into a dragon
screw. The sequence right before the end rocked The Lightning Kid
misses
a somersault leg drop and gets dropkicked out of the ring; he then goes
to the ring apron and gets dropkicked to the floor and takes a nice
bump. Jerry Lynn then hits a running plancha. The Kid gets up and
places
Lynn in a firemans carry and drops his face on the ring apron. The Kid
then throws Lynn on the stage and does a crazy dive from the top rope 15
feet to the stage. The end is the only thing that keeps this from being
a classic. LK hits a top rope spin kick and knocks down both Lynn and
referee James Beard; he then pulls a chain out of his trunks and smacks
Lynn. Hey! It's Dallas not Osaka so I guess I can forgive that. Maybe
the
best match in the history of the Sportatorium.
Get the Lightning Kid v. Chaz, and Lightning Kid v. Lynn matches but you
could easily live a happy life without ever seeing the rest.
- Phil!
#$#$#$#$#$ NEW JAPAN TV aired on 12/6, taped 11/30 from Aichi
Chono/ Mutoh vs NWO Sting/ Tenzan:
HEY! A couple of reasons why NWO JAPAN is better than NWO USA: NWO
Sting rules the fucking world. Vincent sucks a golf golfball through a
garden hose. NWO USA is a united front that screws up perfectly
dreadful matches. NWO JAPAN waits till the match is pretty much over
before doing a real stompdown. Outsiders wrestle the useless Steiners.
Buff Bagwell wrestles Yamazaki. Hall turning on Savage is a big deal.
Chono, Mutoh, NWO Sting and Tenzan beat the piss out each other and its
back to business as usual.
El Samurai vs Takaiwa:
Truncated and hacked up way too much to be able to make the call, this
version does have some cool stuff in it's few minutes. This is the tape
that Juventud Guerrera must have seen when he nicked the DDT out of a
Powerbomb spot because El Saurai does it in this one. Takaiwa kills the
hell out of El with the endless Powerbomb into the Death Valley Driver
and REALLY KILLS the living Hell out of El with second rope Death Valley
Driver, so there you go.
Kanemoto/ Ohtani vs Liger/ Ka Shin:
Liger is HOGWILD in this one- making Kanemoto and Ohtani look even MORE
godlike before subjecting them to his hideous wrath. Ka Shin continues
his massive hotstreak by being the fired up face foil to the surly
dickishness to Kanemoto. Ohtani tagging with Koji really brings out the
dick in him and this no exception. The ending is heartbreaking.:)
Postmatch only needs Lance Russell as they set up this year's Concession
Stand Brawl. Liger is being fitted for a crown I'm guessing. I love
this stuff.
Sasaki/ Yamazaki vs Nakanishi/ Hashimoto:
Hey NOW. This was a big bunch fun. Nakanishi, the former Kurasawa, is
becoming quite the Big Texan as he does his Barry Windham
impersonation. Yamazaki and Hash beating the crud out of each other is
always fun and this was the funnest. Sasaki is wrestling...within...
himself.....and is only slightly bland and luglike in this momma.
#$#$#$#$#$#$ ALL JAPAN TV aired on 12/7, taped 12/5 from Budokan
Taue/ Kawada vs Misawa/ Akiyama for the Real World Tag Final.
Hmmmm...
where have I seen this before. Luckily this is a lot different from
last years extravaganza. Misawa gets ALL FIRED UP and tries to tear
both Loser-In-Yellow-Boots and the amazing Dynamic T new ones since he's
basically gotten ass mightily kicked by these two the last two years
running. Akiyama is Taue's whipping boy in this as Taue reaches back
into the past to a deeper level of psychology as he remembers that he
put Akiyama's punk ass over in nine minutes last year. Paybacks are
hell, so welcome to hell, Exploder boy. Misawa, AMAZINGLY, steals the
show by doing about every move but the heartpunch- AH FUKKIT! Misawa
could do a Heartpunch and it would look so cool that you'd go,
GOLLDURN! He punched him right in the heart! I thought he KILLED
him. He got all lucha and shit and then went right into the horror of
Misawa deciding to work superstiff. It still ain't saving Akiyama from
the lumpy, lumbering force that is the exquisite Akira Taue. GET
ALLLLLLL THIS!
$%$%$%$% SINGLES GOING STEADY $%$%$%$%$
NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLETT, DADDY! Dynamite Kansai/ Mayumi Ozaki vs
Takako Inoue/ Yomika Hotta- JWP CHAMP FORUM 1/93:
Hangman Tim brought
this tape for we wrestling fans to watch after all the civilians had
left the brunch. Phil, Phil, and even the diminutive Jennifer were in
awe of the ferocity of this match. Hotta and Kansai can't have a bad
match and this one is so great, it's like Ozaki and Takako are wrestling
ring girls for the main event: Kansai and Hotta beating the fuck out of
each. Kansai's face swells up a WHOLE BUNCH. Jiminy Crickets! You
want all of this.
Whomping Ass at Number Two- the super raw sounds of Milwaukee Mossman/
Kenta Kobashi vs Hayabusa/ Shinzaki from the 9/28/97 FMW Kawasaki
Stadium extravaganza.-The hh quality is nosebleed but it still whips
large wads of ass. Kobashi is super dynamic and Milwaukee gets in more
offense than was originally reported as he kicks the homeboys five ways
to Tuesday. Hayabusa is electric and shit in this baby. But Kobashi
kills the hell out of him anyway.
Clocking in at number three: Masato Tanaka vs The Gladiator- 9/28/97
Kawasaki Stadium- Phil doesn't dig this match but I can't figure out
why. Sure the table spots were too long setting up, but they killed
each other enough before each spot to justify it- ALMOST. Plus they
looked real cool.:) Tanaka hit all his cool spots and the Gladiator is
still the best lummox in wrestling- hitting the world's lumpiest plancha
on earth. Masato is great, but this match was just really good. To me.
HOLDING STEADY AT NUMBER FOUR-Yamamiya vs Ito- Pancrase on 12/6, taped
11/16 from Kobe- Ito is the red haired guy with PUNK on his boots. He
gets his ass kicked by Yamamiya, but he has those....boots. He misses
with the JFA Rolling Crumbsuckers Kneebar.
The Double-sided single with a bullett: Dick Togo/ Men's Teioh/ Funaki
vs Great Sasuke/ Super Delfin/ Gran Hamada AJWTV 12/6 taped from
Korakuen Hall: Delfin does a SHOTAY?!? This is what all these matches
have become these days- Togo, Teioh, whoever, finding new and exciting
ways to complicate Sasuke's knee-surgery. Still pretty beautiful
though.
Takahashi/ Nakanishi vs Toyota/ EMI GODDANG MOTOKAWA, DADDY! AJWTV 12/6
taped from Korakuen Hall: This was better than it should have EVER
been. Toyota and Emi get all whimsical and shit but it doesn't get
annoying. Momoe Nakanishi turns in another big league performance as
she is becoming quite the highflyer. Emi gets REAL weird at one point,
doing these psycho/COPS-worthy redneck screams. Toyota is graceful and
beautiful as ever. EMI~! goddamit!
@#@#@#@# THE INFERNAL CUT-OUT BIN #$#$#$#$#$
(The first is first, the rest in no-particular order.)
--Battle Royal FMW 9/28/97 Kawasaki Stadium- BOY! Did this suck.
Alexander Otsuka was in this and he did nothing. Yep. The most
pathetic thing I ever Seed: an overweight Japanese guy in Zubas doing a
Sandman gimmick. He couldn't even chug convincingly. So DEEPLY not
good. Nope.
--Miss Mongol/ Crusher vs Miwa Sato/ Kaori Nakayama- 9/28/97 Kawasaki
Stadium- BOY! The Maddog Military is starting to close in on the Dungeon
of Doom as stable to produce the largest amount of Collossal Suck-Ass
matches. Nakayama is cute as hell and Miwa Sato doesn't suck but they
are in with a force of shittiness that WILL NOT BE DENIED.
--Hokuto vs Wakizawa AJW 12/6/97- Why bring the youngsters from IWA in
if your just gonna have Hokuto kill them in two minutes. Hell, put
Akira in a real match and put Wakizawa against an AJW rookie. Either
way, don't televise THIS match.
--Ultimo Dragon vs Tsubasa- EMLL International Gran Prix 1997- Ya know,
ya trade for a tape for a match in particular, and I saw stoked about
this match especially and then it turns out to be shorter than the
Tsubasa/Konan squash. Welcome to Lucha Hell.
--Aja Kong vs Shark Tsuchiya 9/28/97 Kawasaki Stadium- Everything you
could POSSIBLY hate about Shark Tsuchiya is unfurled in all its glory in
this Runaway Barge of Shit. Aja does no wrestling because they start
the run-ins right when the bell rings. Tsuchiya does nothing in this
match and Aja is kept from doing anything because it would expose what a
no-working load of feces Tsuchiya is. More horrible than you could
possibly imagine.
NEXT WEEK: BRUISER BRODIE. ABDULLAH the BUTCHER. PUERTO RICO. Figure
it out.
CHRIS JERICHO HAD ME EATING OUT OF HIS HAND~!
Dean Rasmussen, Juventudiac!
I got my head above the water. Now the sky is falling on me.
-TRANSLATOR. World's Greatest Band.
