Subject: EL SAMURAI! killed right there by SHINJIRO OHTANI! YOMIKO HOTTA! doesn't kick KYOKO INOUE!'s ass nearly enough. MIMA SHIMODA! wears her little ... pants... and DICK TOGO! unleashes the DICKMANIA!
ALOHA~!
WELCOME TO DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW #51!
It's gonna be a special week. I'm on a working vacation this week, in
that my wife will be writing a paper and studying for a midterm as she
works for her second masters degree, and I got a week off from the
office and will be watching the lil punkin until Thursday, when vacation
in the Griswold sense of the word kicks in and we head to the fabulous
mountains. Thus, I'm basically being paid to watch wrestling videos and
lay around with the youngster as she menaces the dogs. So I'm a do one a
day until Thursday at least. WHOMP ASS!
I've been watching half hour wads off the GARGANTUAN tape that man among
men, Glenn, sent me (nCo Lucha should be at your door any minute. Don't
miss the amazingly weird quote from Vampiro in 1993. WOO-HOO!) and I
finally sat down and started watching it in it's entirity (hey! Spelling
Shmelling) and Golly! There is some KICK ASS grappling a goin on on that
baby.
!!!!!!ALL JAPAN WOMEN 8/20/97 Budokan
Manami Toyota vs Aja Kong was good- in that Manami ain't afraid to take
a man-sized beating and still look semi-convincing coming out of it.
This was a little less than the one's I've seen from the last couple of
years, but it still a pretty classic match-up, as Aja can sell any spot
that Manami can come up with and Manami can hang tough when the
spinning-back roundhouses start kicking in, and- by the end- they are
kicking in aplenty. This had the classic Puroresu Time Limit Draw
psychology going for it to keep one from thinking that one was cheated-
in that Aja is kicking the paste outta Toyota so much at the end, you're
glad the bell saves her. Manami hits her usual beautiful array of
gorgeous suplexes and doesn't botch any highspots (maybe a sign of
healthiness, for once, in two years). This was spunky and Manami was
all sassy, so I got to give it a thumbs up even if it isn't the
technical masterpiece that their other matches have been. Ah, what the
hell.
Yumiko Hotta vs Kyoko Inoue was very good, I guess. The phat and
overrated Inoue just doesn't take a beating like a real built-for-Hotta
opponent like Kansai, Yamada or even Toyota, would and she also doesn't
look like real threat to the ultimate Alpha Female Hotta so this is
only gonna get so good. Toyota can pull it off because she can use
decent psychological ploys to make it look credible, using her speed
like in that hh match I've seen where Toyota uses a lucky super highrisk
highspot to the floor to set up an opening to use her suplexes to make
the win look credible. Inoue is a little too pudged out (or
cheesecake-enhanced) to make that look credible, because I remember the
ThunderQueen match where Inoue took it like a champ. Inoue is too big
to look crafty and not physical enough to come close to looking
legitimate against the machine that is Hotta. Kansai could do it,
because she is a sister-machine and Yamada isn't a machine but kicks
real fu8king hard, so it looked good. This match is basically Inoue
trying to slow down the inevitable, using her rather weak looking ground
game (but in an attempt to be a semblance of fair, Hotta would look just
as weak if she had to wrestle Inoue's highflying style). The problem is
that if you are gonna try to make this work as a Hotta-style match and
not a Kyoko-style match, Kyoko would have to take a truly phat-ass
beating which wasn't forthcoming. Instead, we get kind of a Masa Chono
vs Scott Norton match, which isn't good for anyone watching or
participating. I dunno. Inoue doesn't even get kicked in the face. In
a Hotta match! How can I like this?
Mita/ Mima Shimoda vs Maekawa/ Tomoko Watanabe was number one and the
best! on this show. The phat and underrated Watanabe has become the
1997 Woman's version of El Samurai- a previously real good all-around
wrestler who has suddenly felt the heat and has stepped up to the plate
to deliver big-time this year. She has definately shed the cutesy image
and has lost the cretin fringe and has become a very interesting
wrestler to watch. Maekawa looked almost big time in this match, which
is a first for the young punk. She gets the luxury of having the
hottest tag-team in women's wrestling to actually sell for her and that
goes a long way in changing her image as Hotta-wannabe undersized
youngster to woman who belongs in the ring with the gals with the
little... pants. WOO-HOO! Mita and Shimoda are GREAT as HotPants
Wearing Ultra-Vixens. Shimoda is SO Russ Meyers-esque when she's
pummeling Maekawa with all the furniture in the building. Watanabe
takes Mita's Death Valley Bomb like a QUEEN and delivers one of the more
fabulous Thunder Fire PowerBombs that you will see. Watanabe makes this
TOTALLY King-Size. Get all this.
@@@@@@ Jd' SPECIAL taped on 6/22
Abe/ Kosugi vs La Infernal/Nefataly is the second match on this special
from the august upstart women's organization that is the stomping ground
for Lioness Aska and Bison Kimura. The first match was AMAZINGLY bad so
I guess Glenn spared them embarrassment of including them on the
matchlist.:) This match was no walk in the park either, but La Infernal
has a Gigantic Butt and it's neat to see how she will disguise it each
tape. She's actually not a horrible worker, but she ain't good enough
to carry what she given to work with in Jd' so her matches aren't very
good usually and this is no exception.
Cooga vs Sogabe was actually REALLY good by Jd' standards- which means
it wasn't overly, horribly sloppy and they worked faster than 3/4
speed. Cooga isn't good but there are worse wrestlers. Sogabe is
spunky and didn't mess anything up which is quite a feat for one so
green. Cooga wins somehow. Please don't make me watch it again.
Jaguar Yokota vs Sakai: HEY! Sakai Queen of the Judo Girls has a good
little match as venerable Jaguar takes her by the hand and leads her
through this match. Sakai is really green but has grown by leaps and
bounds since her last match, as she sells pretty well as Jaguar
basically Verne Gagne-izes her and stretches her every which a way.
Sakai gets in offense here and there, as Jaguar is careful not to get
the rookie into any suituation that would make the spunky little
judo-fireball look bad. Sakai hits a neato climbing cross-armbreaker
and Jaguar counters her next attempt with a fall away slam. Jaguar is
great in this match, taking it to me mat old-style and getting the
youngster a good actual match under her belt before polishing her off.
I was digging it the most.
Yuki Lee/ the Goddess Shiratori/ Bison Kimura vs The Bloody Phoenix/
Ryura/ Lioness Aska was actually really good until Bison Kimura goes
and breaks her arm. Shiratori is so dang good-lookin' and she sells for
the less-aesthetically gifted members of the opposition for much of the
beginning of the match. She has a little comeback- as much as her
cuddly but limited arsenal will allow- and tags in Bison who gets some
offense in before Phoenix blows a Moonsault Press and lands real badly
on Bisons awkwardly positioned arm. After that, they kinda wrestle
around for a while directionlessly until Lioness hits her powerbombs and
they wrap it up.
This was real close to being good, but the unfortunate circumstances of
the final match keeps this from being of interest to anyone with a
simple passing interest and not really into the developement of some
rookies that look to be good in a little while. Still, this is better
than most Jd' efforts.
##### NEW JAPAN TV 9/6/97 G1 Climax
Tenzan vs Hashimoto was better than the IWGP match they had, but HELL! a
New Blackjacks vs DOA match would be better than that. Tenzan uses a
very flying-headbutt based offense on the fabulous Hashimoto and Hash
shows lots of fighting spirit and what-not. Hash never really pummels
Tensan and Tensan never really gets off any hot-moves at all, but this
is a decent a match as was in this tournament. Chono is neat as the
cool looking distraction that gives Tenzan the upperhand. Tenzan hits a
whole lot of headbutts to put Hash away cleanly (which I was actually
wondering if a screwy ending was on our hands.) Eh. I've seen worse.
Sasaki vs Norton was actually kinda good in a power wrestling that
doesn't take up a lot of time kinda way. Sasaki and Norton trade some
pretty stiff shots- with Norton hitting a monster powerbomb and Sasaki
hitting two fat-ass Northern Lights bombs. Neither sold well, but you
try to get what you can out of the NJ Heavyweight division of stiffs and
roid monsters, so how can I complain?
Tenzan vs Sasaki was the final of the tourney and I thought it was the
best match they've had on Nitro all year. Tenzan does the crappiest
Northern Lights Bomb these eyes have ever seen, but other than that, he
was fine in this match as the far more over upstart and defender of the
nWo namesake. Sasaki was actually kind of interesting in this as he
punched the crap out of Tenzan a whole lot and did his little power
arsenal. Tenzan bleeds hardway (which ya gotta love) and the whole
thing is over in eight minutes as Sasaki hits another top shelf Northern
Lights Bomb.
Overall, the highlights of the tourney were, of course, BUFF, while
Kojima had some good moments as he continues his climb to becoming the
shit. The weird thing is that if you add it up, Tensan was the Most
Valuable Player, having a decent match against Hash and delivering as
much as could be expected against Sasaki, which adds to the really good
bizarro intriguing match against Yasuda (Pete Stein is digging it the
most!)to make Tensan G-1 97 All-Star Material. Sasaki wasn't horrible
either in this , which surprised a Sasaki detractor like myself.
$$$$$$$ ALL JAPAN TV 9/7/97
Misawa vs Akiyama takes up the whole half hour and this wasn't great but
it wasn't horrible by any stretch of the imagination. Akiyama is going
through a hippy phase it looks like- as his hair is growing to his ears
and you can't see his scalp anymore. Anyway, this is basically Kobashi
vs Misawa by numbers, with the added detraction of flowerchild Akiyama
not being close to being as high up the pole as Kobashi. Akiyama hits a
few awesome Exploder (renamed Terrapin Station) Suplexes that put the
Man on his head. He gets the former Tiger Mask II in a Northern Lights
Suplex without the floatover this time (which would have been the
Wake-and-Bake FloatOver suplex, I'm to understand) Misawa elbows him for
a while and hits a Released and unreleased German Suplex to get Captain
Trips Akiyama to the point where he can show his fighting spirit and
what-not, but without the uncool Kobashi crying and whining, Thank God.
He does this by starting off with an Apron To The Floor Jumbo Tsuruta
High Knee (which he calls the Lucifer Sam Siam Cat Knee Lift, I believe)
and goes into some R$EALLy nasty armbar DDT's (His famous
Inna-Godda-Da-DDT). Misawa puts the One Who Freaks Freely away with
consecutive Pearl River Plunges (Jesus! That was fun!), thus showing how
low on the food-chain the surly Akiyama actually is. Misawa leaves the
ring by telling the young punk to get a haircut and real job. Akiyama
tells the man to blow it out his ass. I think. It was late.:) Misawa
should have given Akiyama more and both could have been a little less
listless. People can rate this with stars!
&&&&&&&MICHINOKU PRO CHAMP FORUM 9/6/97
Gran Hamada vs Funaki was good if unspectacular. Hamada refuses to act
his age and continues to be entertaining and great role model for we old
folks who have to deal with surly, foule-ing punks not unlike the really
good Funaki. They take it to the mat and Hamada gets all old-school to
counteract the shoot-style leaning of the former BattlARTS boy that is
Funaki. Funaki cheats a whole lot, which is cool- finding new ways to
choke the old guy. Hamada hits his beautiful spinning DDT and I always
will love it, even if he wrestles until he is Baron Von Raschke-esque.
Funaki wins by cheating like a little punk son of a bitch. Which is a
beautiful effect to achieve.
Hoshikawa/ Yakushiji vs Men's Teioh/ Dick Togo made me cry in the wake
of its TRUE GREATNESS. Dick Togo has a new shirt he's wearing to the
ring with the image of his temporary mask Skull underneath the words
DICK MANIA! Abe Fukkin Vagoda, who the hell do I have to kill to get
one of those? JEEZEUS! Men's Teioh has become the Fuerza Guerrera of
Michinoku Pro as Dick Togo relinquishes the role to assume the role of
DEAN'S PERSONAL ROLE MODEL of MP. This match is a perfect Rudo Caida
with the added extra of the very UnMexican doubleteam maneuver of Togo's
Released German Suplex directly into a Tieoh Dangerous Backdrop. BOY!
I never saw Appollo Dantes and Gran Markus pull that off in tandem. Both
youngsters get a dose of that baby and they are not digging it the most.
Togo tries to get the hot, sexy, fresh-faced Hoshikawa to crawl through
his legs, which pisses off both of these young saving graces of the
incredibly injured and turmoiled (huh?) promotion. Hoshikawa hits the
CHOICE apron to the floor spin kick onto Tieoh. Togo beats the holy
shit out of Yakushiji and then they concentrate on the charred remains
of Hoshikawa. Togo pins him with a PHAT ASS senton and they slap him
around and cut his hair and taunt him, which hopefully sets up Tieoh vs
Hoshikawa Hair-vs-Hair (which would kick my ass with its rugged
stiffness and make the wait for the return of Delfin and Naniwa less
painful.) WHIP ASS! You want all this just for the T-Shirt alone.
Sasuke vs Super Boy - quasi impromptu ladder match (TM-GLENN!). This
should have never seen the light of day. This is not good. I can't
figure it out. It has nothing spectacular with the ladder except
SuperBoy killing himself attempting a moonsault that he doesn't time
well and lands directly on his shoulder. The rest is a clinic in blown
spots and weak ladder shots. UG!
^^^^^^GRUPO REVOLUCION 9/13/97 Champ Forum
Olympico/ Astro Rey Jr./Solare/ Fantasy/ Dr. Cereburo vs Judo Suwa/ Sumo
Fuji/ Shima Nobunaga/ Magnum Tokyo/ TAKA Michinoku: You don't want to
watch a tape with Dr. Cerebero on it without some kind of warning. It's
Amazing. I mean AMAZING. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. He wears an outfit that is
identical to the plain white outfit and mask that Dr. Wagner wears
BUT.... with a mask with an EXPOSED BRAIN on top. I think me and Tim
Noel actually laughed till we cried when it dawned on us it what exactly
we were looking at. It was a magic moment which makes up for ANY
shortcomings in the wrestling in this match. TAKA doesn't do much and I
can't tell the Grupo rookies apart. I hope Magnum Tokyo was the good
one with the purple mask because I would really hate for such a cool
name to be wasted on one of the lesser shlubs in this match. GET ALL
THIS!
^%^%^%^%^NEW JAPAN TV 9/13/97
Shinjiro Ohtani vs El Samurai is freaking great. There are minor flaws
that keep it from being higher than number three on the El Samurai
Monster Matches of 1997 cavalcade but Kanemoto and Takaiwa had such
transcendently fabulous matches that anything less than perfect would
make the comparison less than favorable. Ohtani starts off making a go
of it, as NJ Camera Crews catch the perfect moment of impact as Shinjiro
drops kicks El's face as he is in the Tree of Woe, which tops Kanemoto
simply kicking the hell out of El's face as he was in the same
situation. He proceeds to lose points for doing a Road Warrior Hawk
level no-selling of two neck-breakers. He gets back in the race by
trading face scapes in the corner with El and then hits the choice drop
kick in the face of El's to drive Matsuda's face into the ringpost.
Ohtani hits a fabulous on-the-apron German suplex, into a powerbomb
where he starts losing on points- as he is getting a two count, he
starts in with the Kobashi-style crying. He then hits a choice
springboard missile dropkick into a German suplex for a two count
without the whining. El hits an ASS STOMPING released German Suplex
which Ohtani makes look godlike. He then gets in a springboard
leg-lariat for a two count where he makes the whiniest face ever in a
wrestling ring. I'd hate to watch OLD YELLER with Ohtani. I can imagine
what a blubbering wreck he would be by the traumatic ending. He then
does that multiple times trying the corner move that he's been doing
since the UD match at J-Crown Tourney which he turns into a hurricanrana
which he follows up with THE MOST HELLISH SPRINGBOARD DDT EVER! OF ALL
TIME! For some reason, Ohtani feels the need to Dragon- suplex the
corpse of El Samurai and get the J-Crown. This was freakin Choice.
Ohtani is the king and El Samurai is the KING. The more I see El
Samurai sell these TRULY HELLISH Finishers (Reverse Hurricanrana, Top
Rope Death Valley Driver, this Springboard DDT) the more I'm thinking
that El is developing a Foleylike addiction to insanely dangerous
highspots. This division is so white hot right now and the highflying
is basically gone. Now it's just stiff and hellish and beautiful- the
way wrestling should be.
Don Frye vs Cal Wortham was neat but not as insanely hot as the Frye
debut. Frye is still the ugly American and this was actually better in
the ring than the debut. Frye is SO custom made for New Japan right
now. No Ogawa or threats to Inoki this time around.
Kojima/ Nakanishi vs Yamazaki/ Sasaki was GREAT! Sasaki got all
inspired by the big kicks that Yamazaki was doling out and actually
looked okay getting all intense on Kojima and Nakanishi. Kojima is
halfway to great; Nakanishi is halfway to good. I want the ending.:)
TOMORROW! More Hot WRESTLING Reviewing Action! Lance Storm vs Danny
Collins Jr in Germany! LUCHA LUCHA LUCHA! ECW! ECW! ECW!
USWA!USWA!USWA!USWA!
NANIWA~!
Dean Rasmussen, Who digs it when Benoit drags Hennig to a good match and breaks his nose.
