Takeshi Ono/Ran Yu
Yu/Mach Junji v. Daisuke Ikeda/Devil asami/Kayoko
Haruyama :
Devil starts out with Pink Boy Junji. Apparently, someone slipped
grandma some spanish fly because she's all frisky. As Ikeda and Devil
give Junji a double vertical suplex, Devil starts pulling on Junji's tights
so his unit pops out. Thankfully, this is digitized by the good folks
at Battlestation. After taking some abuse from all 3 of his opponents,
Junji tags out to Yu Yu who gets in a few shots before Ono, sporting what
could best be described as the Go Go Dodo from Tiny Toons hair design puts
the boots to Haruyama. Kayoko takes a beating, but gets in abrief
flurry of offense before taking a spiked piledriver by Ono/Yu Yu and Ono
puts her away with an octopus hold. Devil gets taken down by
Mach and the bando del rudos get in some triple teams and do a few poses,
the circle flex following 3 elbow drops and the "I'm flying" dance following
another move. Mach gets crotched on the top rope and Devil kicks
the buckle to add more damage. Devil puts Junji away with a spiked
powerbomb. Ono works over Devil a bit with knees. He tries
for a suplex, but can't hit it. They do some reversals which ends
with Ono kicking Devil low from behind. Devil starts selling it and
Ono gets this goofy look on his face. All of a sudden, Devil turns
around and realizes, she doesn't have the equipment to be selling that
so she splits the uprights on Ono. Yu Yu gets the tag and runs into
a Ikeda boot. Ikeda takes mercy on her, well, sort of by putting
her in the Neblina, complete with pose. Yu Yu escapes a Ikeda german
suplex with a low
blow and tags in Ono. Ono
and Ikeda are both eliminated when Ikeda goes for a samoan drop on Ono
and Yu Yu drop kicks them both over the top, leaving it down to Devil and
Yu Yu. Devil eliminates Yu Yu pretty quickly with what looks like
a belly to back suplex lift into a Fire Thunder piledriver.
Alexander Otsuka/Hikari Fukuoka/Azumi Hyuga v. Yuki Ishikawa/Kana Mizaki/Tsubasa Kuragaki : Early on Hikari works over Tsubasa with a chin lock, all 4 of the women run in to break up the hold or save their partner. This continues until Yuki, looking like a drunken frat boy looking for love in all the wrong places comes in and all the girls scatter out of the ring. Otsuka and Ishikawa work back and forth on the mat exchanging holds until Yuki dumps him with a suplex. Tsubasa enters with a top rope drop kick. Alexander looks like he's going to german suplex her, but Kana runs in and kicks him low and the two women start double teaming him. They tease a spot where Alexander almost goes out following a missed body press. Alexander saves himself, holds Yuki in his corner so the women can slap him and tags out. Hikari works against Tsubasa and eliminates her with a moonsault. The story continues to be Yuki's willingness to make the save for his partner particularly when the person assaulting them is a woman. Ishikawa requests that Alexander tag out to Hikari. THey do and Ishikawa takes Hikari down and has a big grin on his face. Hikari's partner's make the save for her and Azumi tags in. Azumi tries for a giant swing and it's even worse than the one Jericho used. Yuki comes up with something to counter it (again, another big grin) but Alexander puts the boot to him and saves his partner and tags back in. Yuki controls Alexander with a sleeper hold. Alexander fights back and hits a rana, takes to Hikari. Hikari hits a rana that gets a two, but after the kick out, the look on Ishikawa's face lets us all know that this is without a doubt, his favorite match of all time. So much so that I think he tags out to Mizaki just so he can try to wipe the smile off his face. Azumi works over Kana's back for the next few minutes. Kana gets beat up for a few, including an assisted lift by Hikari on Azumi over her head so she could land a double stomp on Kana. Otsuka hits a splash on Mizaki. Ishikawa runs in for the save and the gals double drop toe hold him so he lands on Mizaki. It should be noted that Ishikawa didn't look too upset about this misqueue. He does take the opportunity to trap Azumi and pick her up for a body slam. Well, he picked her up and acted like he was going to slam her, but I don't think he wanted to move where his hand was so instead he puts her down easy and then slaps a keylock wristlock on her. Yuki works the arm repeatedly and then the leg with Azumi's parnters making the save. Azumi goes low with a headbutt and tags to Alexander who hits the german suplex and a giant swing. The women double drop kick Yuki over the top but he hangs on for dear life. After not being able to knock him off himself, Alexander pleads with the women to do something. They tease a double headbutt, but instead deliever a double smooch. Yuki gets weak in the knees and then is eliminated. Kana gets triple teamed, her partner saves her from a boston crab/double wakigatame combo. Mizaki fights back, but it's a little too late as she takes an enzu-knee from the top by Azumi for the final elimination.
Dynamite Kansai/Mohammed
Yone/Maya Hashimoto v. Daisuke Ikeda/Devil Masami/Kayoko Haruyama : Each
team has a nickname/gimmick for the tournament. For some reason,
Dynamite's team is doing something with what looks like spatulas.
Yone and Kansai act goofy and accasionally bop Maya with one. Yone
calls out Devil at the start of the match and then backs down when he realizes
that she's not afraid of him. Maya tags in and his killed with one
clothesline. They do a spot with Yone and Haruyama where she lures
him into a kiss and gets in a few stomps and a splash before running into
an abdominal stretch and getting stretch bombed. Devil tags in and
starts beating Yone. Yone hits Devil with an inverted atomic drop,
repeat kick spot from match one. There's a weird spot where Yone
and
Dynamite team up on Devil.
After Yone runs into her boot, Devil says something to Kansai who lets
Devil go. Devil runs to her corner and starts choking Ikeda for some
reason. Dynamite sneaks in behind her and sets her up for Splash
Mountain. But as she's got her up, Ikeda runs in and well... cops
a feel. Devil gets dropped on the apron and Ikeda picks up Dynamite
and tosses her out leading to a double elimination. Ikeda and Yone
mix it up and it ends pretty quick when Yone clotheslines Ikeda over the
top. Post match, Devil yells at Ikeda but then says "come here and
give grandma a hug" as everyone gets a chuckle at the post match antics.
This was a real quick match, 7 minutes long.
Carlos Amano/Commando
Bolshoi/Katsumi Usuda v. Alexander Otsuka/Hikari Fukaoka/Azumi Hyugi :
This is clipped. They do a spot where everyone puts everone
in an ankle lock so there end up in a circle. The women double
team on Usuda. Azumi hits some german suplexes on Usuda, but he catches
her in a wrist lock for the tap out. Bolshoi does her
rope walk on Hikari and then
does it backwards when she realizes
she's heading into Otsuka in the corner. Hikari gets in a rope walk.
Otsuka teases doing it but instead just does the Jinsei walk on the mat
and stomps her. They do a reversal spot which ends in Alexander giving
Bolshoi a pretty evil german suplex which takes her out of the match.
Alexander and Usuda mix it up. Usuda and Amano hit a doomsday device
on Alexander and Carlos tries to get the submission on Alexander, but Hikari
makes the save. Amano tries to unsuccessfully head butt Otsuka who
drops her with one of his own. Carlos blocks a bodyslam with a kneebar
and tags out. Usuda misses an uraken attempt and both he and Alexander
go over the top. Amano and Hikari banter with Otsuka who stays at
ringside. Amano works on Hikari's arm with a number of cross armbreaker
variations. The partners at ringside liberally interfere causing
a few near over the top rope eliminations. Amano kicks out of a tiger
driver for a near fall and Hikari rope saves out of a cross armbreaker.
Finish comes with Hikari reversing a reverse roll up to score the pin.
Finals :
Dynamite Kansai/Mohammed
Yone/Maya Hashimoto v. Alexander Otsuka/Hikari Fukuoka/Azumi Hyuga :
this starts with Alexander teasing Kansai about something, probably about
her chest which has Kansai teasing that she's going to open her top
and flash him or something. Maya starts out of Azumi and gets in
some offense. Including a series of russian leg sweeps before tagging
in Dynamite. Dynamite hits a suplex and the scorpion deathlock. Alexander
makes the save with some headbutts. He tags in and Dynamite pulls
down the singlet off his chest. As he covers up, she kicks him.
You can tell everyone's having a good time as Dynamite cracks a smile as
she whips Alexander into the ropes. Yone tags in and Alexander
tries to call a time out so he can pull up his top, but Yone will have
none of it. Otsuka works over Yone's arm. They do the triple
team move into the boston crab/double wakigatame on Yone. Otsuka
busts out the tope suicida on Yone. Hikari runs in and knocks the
women off the apron. She hits a moonsault off the post to the floor
on all three of the opposing team and in the process eliminates
herself. Maya works over Azumi
with a top rope ipponzei and a diving elbow drop for two. Azumi its
a german for two but Dynamite saves as Hikari does something to Yone to
stop him from running in. Hashimoto gets eliminated following a top
rope drop kick by Azumi. Yone gets one in the gnads from Azumi.
Otsuka moves in for the kill, but Dynamite runs him off by threaten to
open her top again. The battle of the Love Warriors goes on as Yone
gets the advantage on Alexander. Kansai and Yone hit sandwich laraits
on Alexander. Yone hits the stretch bomb for two. Yone telegraphs
a lariat attempt and runs into an uranage for two. Alexander hits
an evil german suplex for two. Alexander holds up Yone and Azumi
drop kicks him in the butt to send Yone out. As Alexander gloats,
Dynamite runs in and tosses him out leaving Dynamite and Azumi. Azumi
knocks Dynamite out to the apron and then gets over anxious and almost
eliminates herself. They tease Azumi going out, but when she ducks
a Kansi high roundhouse kick, Kansai gets pulled out over the top and despite
fighting real hard, gets sent to the floor. Otsuka, Hikari and Azumi
win the tournament.
The show ends with the winners in towels at some sort of spa. Ishikawa crashes the party by joining them in at the spa.
Overall, it was goofy, but it was fun too.
Lioness Asuka vs. Kyoko Inoue: Remember the time that these two had that really good match. And remember the time when Asuka hung Inoue from the balcony. Well none of that is contained in this match. The match doesn't last very long after Inoue rolls out to the ring. Asuka manages to haul Inoue's fat ass up for the world's shortest powerbomb. Inoue wins with a roll up that comes out of nowhere. That was horribly disappointing.
Aja Kong vs. Takako Inoue: Aja's our wrestler of the week. Whoo-Hoo!!!! Two Birds! Two Birds! Two Birds! One Stone! It should be fairly obvious to everyone who is going over in this match. That fact takes away from the match as you know none of Inoue's offense is deadly enough to take out Aja so the only suspense left is whether or not Aja is going to make a little girl cry. Inoue gets some credit by immediately going after Aja's leg. ATTACKING A POINT OF BALANCE. YES! That will be pretty much the end of Inoue's contribution to this match. Aja dominates almost the entire match with the story being that Aja goes through about 65% of her MOVE SET without getting the win which is really frustrating for her because she feels that she should be able to win easier. Inoue does her spots and takes her beating like she should. Aja takes it easy until she crushes Inoue's orbital bone to finally end things.
Sakie Hasegawa/Kaoru Ito vs. Manami Toyota/Mariko Yoshida: Toyota and Yoshida hit the never-ending elbow drop to start of the match which is a nice touch. Nothing concrete takes place during the first half of the match as the girls aggravate me by randomly slapping on restholds. Oh, we're going to work on your leg. No wait, we're going to work on your back. No, no, we'll focus on your stomach. That last one happens because Ito loves the foot stomp. Her motto "When in doubt, crush some ribs." Of course, when one does the foot stomp off the ring apron, I will cut you some slack. Cool Moment - Despite being in the single leg Boston Crab, Toyota talks some shit to Ito. Yoshida takes three suplexes straight on her head. Someone needs to teach her to stop over-rotating. Aah, the ignorance of youth. The second half picks up the match as all the big moves arrive. Yoshida hits a double jump plancha while Toyota hits a no-hand plancha that the camera almost misses. Hasegawa tries to get her team back in it with a wicked powerbomb but it is too late as Toyota and Yoshida have already kicked into another gear. Toyota shows everyone how to do a moonsault by rotating over in about two-tenths of a second. She tries another but gets greeted with a set of knees. Hasegawa goes to the top herself, gets caught and gets rolled up by Toyota. The second half was enjoyable but it was lacking in a couple of areas. The number one thing was that the match was completely heatless. Oh well, can't save them all, Hasseloff.
Akira Hokuto/Mima Shimoda vs. Bull Nakano/Tomoko Watanabe: This bad boy is two out of three falls for the WWWA World Tag Titles. On a personal note, I forgot how freakin' HOT Akira Hokuto is. Okay, sorry. Hokuto comes out wearing both titles around her waist which Shimoda doesn't mind at all. I guess she is just happy to be there. She is taking it one day at a time and trying to make a contribution to the team. Blink and you miss the first fall. I will give you a play by play. Bell rings. Nakano chokes Hokuto. Watanabe hits the Backdrop Driver on Shimoda for the pin. Sneeze and you miss the second fall. Shimoda rallies and hits a top rope Tiger Suplex to take the second fall about 30 seconds after the first fall ended. Watanabe does these neat follow-through armdrags that I am sure she stole from someone. Nakano dominates Shimoda for awhile while Hokuto gets antsy on the sidelines. Eventually, everyone gets involved which leads to the requisite high spots as Shimoda does a stutter step tope and Hokuto trumps her with a tope con hilo. Back in the ring and Hokuto uses a horrible victory roll take down on Nakano to set up an armbar submission for the win.
Post match interview sees Hokuto
bitch about how Aja ate all of the wedding
cake.
Julio Sanchez v. Christian Cage: Julio has a big rep on the Indy scene, but he has never really impressed me much. This is one of his better matches, as he takes on Sports Entertainer Christian. The match it self was pretty good with some nice BACK AND FORTH ACTION!, and Christian doing a nice job on selling the arm. Move highlight was the rolling veritical suplexes into a facebuster by the erstwhile member of the even Newer Brood. The ending was kind of screwy and schoolboy-intensive, but it gets the full Jakked point.
Dirty Don Montoya
/ Peligro v. Mike Quakenbush / Inferno Kid:
Mike Quakenbush is a fun little
wrestler, he has watched tons of Michinoku Pro six-man matches, and fearlessly
steals from them. He did a bunch of neat spots in this tag match including
the slide through into a boston crab, a tope which was AAA'ed by the camera
crew, a multiple shotay spot and a Psicosis springboard into a top rope
rana. Don Montoya sold the flying stuff well and bumped good for such a
chunkster, Inferno Kid stayed out of the way and Peligro was quite the
suplex machine- including a swank captured arm fishermans suplex. Mike
gets the clean win with a double jump twisting senton which was all elaborate
and In-a-good-way-goofy. Hundred Thousand Stars
Sexton Hardcastle
v. 2 Cold Scorpio: Sexton Hardcastle is Sports Entertainer / Action
Adventure Star Edge while 2 Cold Scorpio is well known to us all and is
seconded by a superfluous Terri Runnels. This match was darn good as they
spent most of it on the mat, doing some reasonable tricked out mat work
for an Indy match. My favorite part, was Scorpio slapping on a crevat,
like Tony St. Clair or somebody. Not much flying although Scorpio hits
his beautiful moonsault. The ending was crappy and chair intensive and
took away from the goodness of the match. PCW has the horses to challenge
APW as the best Indy in the U.S. (Now that OMEGA is basically defunct)
but they need to cut their screwjob intensive booking
out.
#$#$#$#$#$#$# TORYUMON- Dragon Caravan pt. 2!- JULY 1999 (DEAN RASMUSSEN)- Hey, I stole this matchlist from the WILDLY fabulous review by SCOOPSBOY Steve- King Of Men~!-so I could review this show- which arrived on the eleventh hour from the Amazing GLENN~! (who actually has a Richmond, VA Posse on the Public Access Show- WRESTLING POWER '99. ORDER A SUPER GLENN~! POSSE T-SHIRT TODAY!) and I could not concentrate on ANYTHING when I saw the name CHOCOBALL KOBE. I wept.
Masaaki Mochizuki / Gran Naniwa vs. Gran Hamada / Yasushi Kanda: I was geared up to take a couple a cheap swings at the Orihara Of His Generation- El Gran Naniwa- but other than a few no-selling sequences with Gran Hamada- he was perfectly fine (if quite a bit Michinoku Pro 1998 Boring As Dirt). He hit a nice Enzuiguiri and stuff. Kanda gets beaten into paste and it's kinda cool when Mochizuki is beating the hell out of him. Kanda gets his shots in at the end and- as with anyone who Ultimo has taught a headlock to- shows big signs of promise. this match runs WAAAAAY long. The point is that they are beating the hell out Kanda and that get that point in after about two minutes. Then it kinda keeps goin....
Genki Horiguchi vs. Yasushi Kanda: HEY! It's Genki Horiguchi. He's on my personal losing streak of ONE after sucking ass in that IRWG tape from last week (Adam, your tape will be here any moment. REALLY!) So here ya go- TORYUMON Phase TWO! Who's gonna Rule? AND Who's gonna be the New Millenium Hanzo Nakajima? LET'S FIND OUT NOW! Well, Genki Horiguchi has developed a suitably goofy Surfer Gimmick- as he wears a bodyglove, sports a dual-fin wave tool and unfortunately comes out to the obvious "Surfing USA" by the Beach Boys. I think to myself what Madder Phatter Props I would have offered up if our man Genki would have come out to "In My Room" or something off of PET SOUNDS. Hell, think of how hip he would have looked if he had made an entrance to the crappy lyrics of Van Dyke Parks while sauntering in to something off the lost SMILEY SMILE Brian Wilson epic. Either way, this match was really good for a couple a greenhorns. Genki busts out his GENKIBREAKER which is a preposterously elaborate variation of the Reverse Gory Bomb- which is actually an already preposterously elaboratev move when you think about it. Kanda needs to work on his elbow drops because his are SO on the direct opposite of the spectrum of Stan Hansen's AWA Elbow Drop Scale, but he is already the good little worker while Genki is also a good little worker who shows flashes of a 1993 Super Delfin Goofball-To-Overness characteristic- as he parties and freaks out in conjunction with his Tripendicular gimmick catching a wave on the ludicrously prone Kanda. The match itself quite a bit like Hidaka vs Fujita in that you could tell they worked with each other extensively while training and can take a rookie match to a higher level of moves, so this was good.
Chocoball KOBE vs. SAITO: Chocoball is a mixed blessing. He is AMAZINGLY seedy looking- which will get you a LONG way here in the Japan Indie Sleazeworld-Loving DEN OF THE DEATH VALLEY PLAYBOYS. The problem is that with a name as amazing as CHOCOBALL KOBE, you have GOT to have a horrendously crappy mask for a little while at least. Instead you get this green rookie with a snake tattoo. The match is crappy other than the fact that Judo SUWAI sneaks in and Falcon Arrows Saito through a table off the apron and then blades Saito with the care and loving of Wally Yamaguchi at DreamSlam One. SUWAI is fucking great and storming up the charts as the psycho Fratboy from hell Persona that rocks ever so righteously. Saito is usually fun, but here he is quite the victim. Ah, Chocoball. What shall we do with you....
MAKOTO vs. Susumu Mochizuki: WAIT! WAIT ! WAIT a minute! How did MAKOTA exist this long without me having his every match on tape. (While stealing ideas from Steve's review, he mentioned that MAKOTO was from Yume Factory and wrestled in THE VISUAL GROUP. Holy SHIT! THE VISUAL GROUP! HEY! YOU! Go start a pop band RIGHT NOW! You have a NAME!) Anyway, MAKOTO is quite the flashy little Vampire guy as he hits midgrade in-ring highspots and gets to biting folks- a sort of Blitzkreig Morbius the living Vampire- without the Tope Con Hilo, though he did hit a swanky toprope reverse Rana. The great thing is that MAKOTO looks like the bass player for Krokus or something- with the perm, the tight pants, the goofy make-up and pudgy face. I was STOKED. The match is never actually good, but the ending was kinda neat as Mochizuki hits a coupla Kanyon 1998 Facebusters and then MAKOTO hits a truly super grade Brainbuster that was all kinds of nasty and- HELL!- there is Mochizuki- DEAD!.
Shiima Nobunaga / TARU / Sumo Fuji vs. Magnum Tokyo / TAKA Michinoku / Ken Arai: TORYUMON is starting to get to the Michinoku Pro 1997/ EMLL 1996-1999 level of greatness with these mainevent six and eightman matches- in that most of these matches are pretty inchangable movewise, but there is enough of a cool story to each match to keep them from becoming repetitive- thus the basic amazingly State-Of-The Art greatness of the matches themselves just deliver the goods at length. The two tres cool stories in this is that SHIIMA and TAKA hate each other's stinking guts and want to kill each other. The other story is that if Magnum Tokyo and Taru work REALLY REALLLY stiff, it will be REALLY REALLY fricking good. Taru is quite the least of all these guys- including Ken Arai, because Taru has one cool finisher and beats it into the ground when he finally gets the pin. The structure of the match was pretty cool with SHIIMA and TAKA killing each other for a while and then CRAZY MAX just fulking MAULS Ken Arai- including the ugliest triple dropkick to the face in the corner on record. My other fave part is where Sumo Fuji has KEN~! in a nerve pinch and SHIIMA stands in front of him making faces and wringing an imaginary towel. WHAT A DICK! WOO-HOO! Arai makes a comeback and hits his truly coolish No-Look Toprope Headbutt and is all young and fired up and stuff. The beginning of the finish is touched on early as Taru and Magnum beat the holy bejeebers out of each other- with Magnum hitting a Diasuke Ikeda-level Lariat at one point. This moves into the superlengthy section of TAKA and SHIIMA fucking each other up with all kinds of sundry necky breaky moves. TAKA goes for Springboard Moonsault but sidelined-but-still-active SUWAI shakes the ropes and TAKA DIES LIKE A MAN. It then goes into the realy great Finishers sequence where everybody hits a big finisher and the one making the save hits a big finisher on the last guy to hit a finisher. Taru and Magnum are finally isolated enough for Taru to get his ninetieth chokeslam powerbomb and/or Falcon Arrow for the win. Postmatch, SHIIMA calls everybody in Michinoku Pro a big batch of pussies and then asks Ken Arai if he's the same Ken from all those Gamera movies- the little bastard.
Overall, this was all good or at least neat. It's not the greatest TORYUMON tape around but the Main Event was all kindsa good. I await TAKA vs SHIIMA with eyes open and mouth agape.
|
And then it occured to me - after exhaustive research into the 'fights you gotta see' for the historic DVDVR#100, I ran across a surplus of "Fights that ain't quite at that level but have really hot Latina ring girls in thongs so skimpy I can see the man in the canoe and he's paddling left-handed", and I needed an excuse to watch 'em again without raising the ire of my Mrs Mike the Mack. "But honey, its for the Playboyz~! video review! Now put on something skimpy and peel me another grape!" Such is the pampered lifestyle we so richly deserve. But enough about my luxurious standard of living! Without further ado, lets jump right in to a bevy of bodacious butt-beatins' that even Paul Varelans could enjoy! World Vale Tudo Championships (WVC) 1 - "Brazil v The World" (8/4/96) Tough night for 'The World', but the sun always shines in Brazil (or maybe that was Iceland?). Boxing fans call 'em "tomato cans", wrestling fans call 'em "jobrones", Hulk Hogan calls 'em "really tough guys unlike me", but a turd by any other name smells just as putrid. Oh sure, the Brazilians got to bring real fighters, but 'The World' must've stayed home to watch the newly-launched Cartoon Network. But you'll see some familiar names here on both side of the fence, some kicking ass and others removing bits of shoe leather from their cellulite-pocked buttocks. A brief moment of drooling appreciation for the raven-haired foxy mama at ringside, and we're ready to go. Singles matches followed by a tournament and not one but *two* 'Superfights'! Smell the excitment! I think its excitement.... Carlos Danilo v Hiroshi Oyaizu - Hiroshi shoots, he scores! He's going to the land of the closed guard; next thing he knows, he's going to the land of facial reconstruction, as Danilo cinches on a triangle choke from his back and peppers Oyaizu's face with short strikes before the inevitable tapout. Total time, one minute. My egg is ready! Eugenio Tadeu v Nigel Scantelbury - Hey, its Eugenio, who you'll remember for his riotous performance against Renzo Gracie in Brazil which was reviewed in issue #100. Nigel Dingadairy made his first MMA splash in the defunct Extreme Fighting Championships, where he had a nicely competative match with Jason Canals that went to a time-limit draw. Nigel has height, Tadeau has weight, but these are both smaller men. Some brief flurries are exchanged standing, with Eugenio using his usual hyperactive head-and-hands feints before grabbing the waistlock and dragging things to the ground. After some jockeying for position, Tadeau sidemounts, lands a few strikes, and locks out the arm for the tap. Total time, around 2 minutes. Hugo Duarte v Harold
Howard - Hey lookie here! Its Harold Howard, who can claim
for the rest of his life that Royce Gracie was so afraid of him that he
withdrew from UFC3 rather than face this Canadian karateka! Of course,
his first-round fight with a guy named Kimo probably had more to do with
Royce's withdrawl, but don't burst Harold's bubble quite yet! He's
actually something of an amusing MMA buffoon, with his first UFC video
showing him beating the sand out of a punching pad before launching into
a Tank Abbott-esque tough guy interview just before losing to Steve Jennum,
giving Howard the dubious distinction of being the guy who lost in the
finals against the worst UFC tournament champion ever. Howard returned
at UFC7 with a new look and fresh excuses, prior to getting his ass kicked
again by a little speck of a dude named Mark Hall, who beat Howard so badly
he forgot how to tap out. Before you can say, "Yo Bum Rush the Show",
Hugo has Howard on the ground and is beating him like he stole his suntan
lotion. 30
Tournament time! Lets check
in with a mix of Japan Vale Tudo rejects and International Fighting
Championship rejects! What the hell happened to all
Fred Floyd v Dennis Crowell - Fat Fred Floyd has earned a place in DVD history for his hillarious whipping of WCW undercarder and First Family member Jerry Flynn at the World Combat Championships. 340lbs of jiggling flesh, Floyd rushes his opponent with all the fury of a hippo in heat, slapping and wacking with both hands like Crowell's ass was on fire and he was trying to help. Crowell offers a few feeble strikes in response, but the law of inertia says that a fat hyperactive load cannot be slowed by a talentless wuss in short pants with a bad haircut! You could look it up! Floyd finally beats Crowell to the ground forcing a ref stoppage, but I remained mesmerized by his gently rocking bulk; its like watching the ocean, strangely calming. Micheal Paholic v Denilson Maia - Oh, here's a Brazilian. Maia represents Capoiera, that nifty Lambada-esque dance-fu style that is as fun to watch as 'The Big Wiggle', as they'll even let the camera show it on TV. No truth to the rumor that Michael has a brother named Al Paholic. But call the local bar and ask for him anyways. Tell 'em Bart sent ya. Oh yeah, the fight. Some tepid feeling out early until the fight take to the ground, where both guys seem clumsy and unskilled. Paholic manages the better strikes on the ground, and soon mounts and flurries. Maia takes some punishment like a pro, but can't solve his dilema before his corner throws in the big hankie. About 4 mins of utterly average fighting. Richard Heard v Scott Groff - Hey, its big dumb Richard Heard from IFC in Russia! And some guy I never heard of! Big dummy overwhelms his smaller foe and actually gets his clumsy, bloated, water-retaining ass in the mounted position where he rains down cumbersome strikes until Groff taps in about a minute. Yeesh. Fred Floyd v Micheal Paholic - Doesn't happen, as Paholic withdraws with a hand injury. Gee, what a pity. David Hood v Richard
Heard - Hey waita sec, who the hell did David Hood fight?
What a gyp! Who the hell traded me this tape? David 'Clitoral'
Hood appeared in a dark match for UFC7, and when thats your career highlight,
its time to consider a career in porn. Hey it ain't so bad!
'Cept for all the chaffing. But enough about me! Anyways, we're
continuing a proud tradition of lousy fights on this tape, with some early
clubbering which leads to Heard locking in the absolute ugliest ankle lock
every recorded on video. He looked like he was trying to practice
some fetishist form of reflexology or something. Boy, can't ya just
smellllll the
Tournament Finals - Richard Heard (of cows) v Fred 'Boobs' Floyd - Absolutely attrocious display of zero skill here, as the two lummoxes flail away so badly that it makes one yearn for Abbott v Ferrozo at UFC11. No really! Floyd's gelatinous ass hits the mat with Lurch right on top of him flailing away until Fat Freddy flips on to his heaving gut and blissfully accepts the choke. Possibly the lamest tournament finals ever! Feel the historic value! But hey, you know they'll redeem the card with the SUPERFIGHTS, right? Right? Superfight #1 - Oleg
Taktaov v Joe Charles - Wow, 'Ghetto Man' Charles! All the
great jobbers of MMA are out in force tonight! Too bad Jon Hess's
rickshaw was stuck in traffic! Joe Charles, as astute DVDVR reader
may remember, earned my respect for doing his UFC5 interview in a full
turban and flowing robes, while juggling a cannon ball and claiming, "I
was raised on the streets". I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP! Oleg, of
course, was UFC6 champion after
his brilliant match with Tank Abbott , a match which narrowly missed
making the DVDVR100 'Fights Ya Gotta See' list and probably deserved to
make the cut. Fight goes to the ground quickly, wjere Oleg immediately
asserts his superior skill; in fact, this fight looks suspiciously similar
to Charles' match with Vitor Belfort in Japan, a match where no punches
where thrown and which is almost universally viewed as being 'fixed'.
Oleg works calmly on the ground, at one point having Charles on his back
while he
Superfight #2 - Marco Ruas v Steve Jennum - Your purported main event, featuring one of the most respected all-around fighters in the world against some donut-sucking traffic cop who fluked into a UFC title. You decide who is who. Ruas throws one of his famous Muay-Thai whip kicks, then takes Jennum to the mat, mounts him, and smack the living shit out of the poor piggy. The crowd chants 'Rodney King' as Ruas rains down a series of tooth-jarring punches, stopping only to wink at the foxy mamas at ringside with his handsome Brazilian visage! Ruas is notorious for lying about his age, claiming to be up to 7 years younger than he really is. By the time you read that sentence, the fight was over. Steve Jennum, you suck! Begone from MMA, and take Harold Howard with ya! Well didn't that just suck! One of the lamest events in memory, featuring some good fighters but never two fighters against each other. Interesting to note that some of these men (Taktarov, Charles, Duarte) also appeared in the World Fighting Federation PPV, which had a similarly dismal string of mismatches. Next week I'll try and wash that nasty taste from your mouths, fight fans, as I trace the Legend of the Gracies, with plenty of fightin' fun from Brazil's First Family of Fighting, plus an in-depth analysis of Rickson Gracie's wife's shapely legs! It don't get much better than that, and if it does, don't burst my bubble! $%$%$%$%$ SINGLES GETTING LUCKY! #$#$#$#$#$#$ Errata - Due to a minor error,
issue #100's list of 'Fights Ya Gotta See'
The Fight - Coutre’s boxing stance
looks stiff and unnatural, but who could expect anything more from an elite
Greco-Roman practicioner? Belfort looks *huge* for this fight, easily
bigger by 15lbs of muscle compared to his debut, with deltoids like grapefruits
and a neck wider than his head. Vitor strolls to the center of the
ring confidantly, waiting for Coutre to extend himself and become a target
for Vitor’s rifle counterpunches. Coutre remains conservative, so
Belfort decides to finish the fight in a hurry on his own. Belfort
lunges forward, firing a barrage of straight left-right punches while advancing
forward in a square stance. And here’s where things get interesting.
Because Randy Coutre hasn’t just been sitting at home polishing his wrestling
trophies and combing his scalp before this fight. He’s been watching
tape and working in a boxing ring, and you can tell this
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Samurai TV :
Strong Style- NJPW 2/14/99 - Super Juniors X : 2 out of 3 falls Shinjiro
Ohtani/Koji Kanemoto/Tetsuhiro Takaiwa/Dr. Wagner Jr./Kendo Ka Shin v.
Jushin Lyger/El Samurai/Masao Orihara/The Great Sasuke/Masaaki Mochizuki:
(REV RAY DUFFY!) There's problems at the start as Wagner and Kendo
won't shake hands with their partners. Sasuke, who's reformed from his
heel ways does a prayer when he's intro'ed and Ohtani shoves him because
he's not putting up with any of that peaceful Buddist crap in his ring.
Koji's League of Penises determine who's starting for thier team by throwing
Kendo and Wagner out. The former Sasuke-gumi do some triple teaming
on Ohtani and put him in the surfer boy to which Sasuke does the Delfin
pose. Of course, it's priceless when Sasuke snaps out of it and reacts
like his other personality took over his body temporily and he wonders
what the hell he's doing on top of Ohtani. After getting a pounding,
Ohtani makes the tag to Kanemoto who works on El Samruai a little until
ending up in Lygers corner and having Orihara come in. Kanemoto shrugs
off Mochizuki's kicks (because he's not from New Japan and according to
Koji that means he doesn't have to sell for you.) They do the "people's
drop kick" spot with Kanemoto holding Mochizuki in the camel clutch and
Ohtani running the ropes about 8 times before doing a drop kick, followed
by Wagner running the ropes and doing the roll into the drop kick.
Wagner gets in some shots on El Samurai and offers the tag to Ohtani but
pulls his hand away when he goes for it and tags Kendo. Sasuke falls
victim to Ohtani's boot scrape routine. Lyger and Koji mix it up a bit
Lyger gets the upperhand with some shotays but when he puts Koji up top,
Wagner runs in from behind and puts him on his shoulders. Lyger gets springdrop
kicked by Ohtani, MD-II'ed by Wagner and then moonsaulted by Kanemoto who
then slaps on the kneebar on Lyger's bad leg for the tap out in the first
fall. Koji's crew jump Lyger and keep him in the ring for the start
of the next fall and work over his leg. Lyger tags out to Samurai
who gets dragon screwed by Kendo and superplexed by Wagner, keeping the
momentum on their side. Samurai escapes a Takaiwa DVB attempt with
a reverse DDT but takes a flip bump after running into a lariat.
He escapes a powerbomb with a DDT and hits the swinging reverse DDT and
tags out to Lyger. We get all 10 men in the ring after a Lyger brainbuster
on Takaiwa leading to the partners going to the floor. Orihara does
a quebrada on Ohtani where he lands mostly legs on the railing. Lyger's
partners save him from the endless powerbmb and Samurai ends up playing
whipping boy to Wagner. Samurai escapes from Ohtani and Orihara and
Mochizuki work him over. Orihara hits the spider german and
Mochizuki hits a springboard drop kick followed by a german suplex for
two which Kendo breaks up. Orihara, still hanging upside down from the
spider german falls victim to Kanemoto running in and kicking him repeatedly
while he can't defend himself. The ring fills up again after Ohtani
reverses a Mochizuki dragon suplex with a german and hits a springboard
drop kick. Ohtani argues a near fall giving Mochizuki time to recover
and hit an ax kick and his run up the ropes enzugiri. Ohtani kicks
out of a dragon suplex at two. Ohtani ducks an enzugiri and hits the spiral
bomb for the win. The cool part of this is that Lyger, Sasuke and
Samurai had Takiawa, Wagner and Kendo all hung up in the corner, when they
turned and saw that Ohtani had gotten control, the men hanging upside down
pulled their legs out from behind and held them allowing Ohtani to score
the win. Post match Kendo gets in a fight with Ohtani and as Koji and Takaiwa
push him back, Doc hits the MD-II when no one is looking and they beat
it from the ring.
I've liked the 10 man tags better
when they go elimination style because it usually gives everyone a chance
to show off. I did think the finish of the second fall was pretty
cool.
WWF- DICK MURDOCK/ADRIAN ADONIS vs JACK AND JERRY BRISCO- MADISON SQUARE GARDEN: (DEAN RASMUSSEN!)- Talk about Old School. My childhood hero-worship of Dick Murdock is pretty well documented in this here running batch of posts so I won't bore you with more childhood sentimental waxings. Anyway, I was over at Tim Noel's house a while ago watching a bad PPV or taping the little Southern Champ Forum that we do or something or another and I was reading his copy of Meltzer's OBITUARIES and one of things that struck me about his obituary of Dick Murdock was that he said that in the biz Murdock was known to have thrown the best pulled punches in the business. Supposedly, he looked like he was potatoing a fella but he was actually barely touching him. When I got this tape from Jerry, I was SOOOOO stoked about this match and I was especially paying attention to my personal icon's punches- and yeah, they were pretty fucking great. The other thing about this match that is really outstanding is that Adrian Adonis is such a fucking great wrestler and fricking bumping FREAK. You gotta love that most people will remember Adonis- one of the greatest North American wrestlers of the last half century- as Adorable Adrian Adonis and his flower shop (THAT MCMAHON! WHAT A FUCKING GENIUS! NO WONDER I DON'T WATCH WWF!). here, he is in his element- a true ass-kicker and Old Style Heel- bumping like a freak and making everything look Ultrafine. Of course, the fact that they are wrestling the Briscoes make it that much cooler. This match brought back a flood of memories of a match structure that you never see in the US anymore. The first three quarters of the match is Murdock selling the leg and Adonis selling the leg. MEANWHILE, One can pretty much stick all modern tag matches in the US in the Face-In-Peril formula: the faces getting a little offense in, a face gets in trouble and there is a big heat segment leading to the hot tag where they go to the finish. OOOOOOLD SCHOOL is aLLLLLL different. Here Murdock tells the whole story of the match with ONE leg lock by Jerry Brisco. The crowd is into Murdock selling because Murdock makes selling the irresistable focal point of the match. Murdock makes you hate him and then you want to see him stretched by Brisco so Murdock fills every second of the hold with varying facial expressions and subtle body movements that convey his struggle to escape. Each near-escape and re-application of the hold tightens Murdocks grip on the audience as they are focused on Murdock's struggle and Brisco's determination to break Murdock's spindly leg. It is an art unto itself- as there is no hot tag to work for- just a section of the match where Murdock shows the world HOW IT FUCKING FEELS and that fact keeps the ACTUAL wrestling audience in the match more than fifty Dangerous Backdrops or a thousand CHARISMATIC HOT PROMOS ever could. Murdock makes the tag and Adonis is in the same predicament- as Jack really stretches Adonis a new one, leaning into the kneejoint like a sadist. Adonis is far more broad in his selling and the psychology is perfect as the broadness of his selling and the big bumps Adonis takes to get to the finish counteracts the smooth, subtle body of the match that Murdock and Jerry established and gears the crowd up for the man-sized finish. Murdock tags in and starts beating the hell out of Jack and- I SWEAR- it's like watching Fit Finlay in Europe, because Murdock makes it look fucking great and then he hits a fucking old school Elbow Drop and you realize that EVERYBODY this side of Stan Hansen's Elbow Drop just sucks dick. Adonis freaks as he flies into the corner in a heap. An Eye rake later and Adonis takes to the top rope and misses a Fat Ass Splash and Jerry goes for the Figure Four. Murdock is thrown to the floor by Jack and while the ref is getting Jack out of the ring, Murdock makes with the chair and Adonis gets the pin. This stuff was fucking great. All four of these guys were motherfucking great and I'm glad to say that I saw three out of four of them live when I was a kid (Murdock in Arkansas in 1978, the Briscoes in Norfolk in 1979) and that I lucked into seeing the actual Adonis on tape in Japan. Though not nearly enough. That'll be my project for 2000.
Aja Kong / Bull Nakano v. Akira Hokuto / Shinobu Kandori - 3/27/94: (SCHNIEDER) The story of this match was built around the teaming of antagonists Hokuto and Kandori, and their interaction consisted of them slapping each other in the face to make tags (which is still one of the cooler Parjehas Incredibleas things ever). However what made me love this match so much, was the performance of Aja Kong. When Aja was in the ring was Kandori, she worked at an ungodly level of stiffness. Kandori is dubbed "the toughest man in women's puroresu" and Aja made it her personal mission to test that title. Aja kicked her right in her jaw while Kandori was sitting on the ground, and nearly jammed the point of her toe through Kandori's back. She also delivered some brutal looking punched to Kandori's face. Besides the interaction with Kandori, Aja also had some great series with Hokoto, as she proved how great she was at working with smaller wrestlers.
2/3 Falls WWWA Tag Titles: Jungle Jack (Aja/ Bison Kimura) vs. Manami Toyota/ Esther Moreno (Some time in1990): (DEAN RASMUSSEN) This match is cool in a couple of ways: Manami Toyota Is teaming with Esther Moreno from whom she copped a bunch of moves in the creation of her own lucha-filtered style and- respectfully to her mentor- Manami takes a back seat to the healthy highspot-addled young Esther- until the final caida where Aja and Manami take the forefront and hit the FREAKED-OUT "DIG THE NEW BREED" ending. Aja is still formative as she follows the lead of Bison on how to wrestle heel. The cool parts of this match involving Aja is that in the first caida, Aja basically wrestles Monster heel- beating on Manami, showing how strong she is, hitting lowgrade powermoves and I was beginnning to wonder where the amazing wrestler that became Aja was. The second caida- after the double Moonsault Finish on Bison (who I thought used to be hot (hey! she was hot in all those Jd' intros) and who was never that great of a worker, it seems)- the future Aja emerges as she starts by stretching the living crud out of Manami with a half crab and they maul Manami's leg for a while- but the Aja thing is that out of this, Aja sets up all the highspots of the match as a reaction to the matwork- as an escape, as a transition to Manami's offense- a transition that is based on the highspots of Manami and Esther against the matwork and strength of Aja and Bison. It's pretty cool stuff and Aja knew how to use this premise early in her career and by the third Caida she is wrestling against type as she kills everyone in the building with a ringpost Plancha. By the end, the super high-End finisher by Aja shows the first glimpse of the true awesome force in Joshi Puroresu that Aja would become- as Aja hits the TOPROPE LIGER BOMB and Toyota takes it like a QUEEN. Aja was showing even here- in her second year as a pro- that her grasp of wrestling psychology was fundamentally sound and she also shows that her ability to wrestle out of the boundaries of her size for the good of the match is proportional to her ability to face her own personal setbacks and social obstacles with boundless grace and courage. Aja fucking rules and we're lucky to be able to see her wrestle.
 DVDVRs #101 - 105 |
 main DVDVR page |