SNOWFLAKES: I took a lot of grief - A LOT of grief - from a few people who had a problem with my **3/4 rating on the Kid Kash/Shark Boy/Slim J vs. SAT opening match of Week 9. HEY! Guess what Wade gave it. Go on, guess. THAT'S RIGHT, **3/4 - SO! I HAVE (AS MUCH OF) A CLUE (AS FAMOUS WADE DOES) when it comes to using the damned ratings scale, okay? So I *think* we can leave my ability to judge workrate OUT of any complaints from now on. THANK YOU.
DEDICATION: To my brother, who seems to really want me to keep recapping this show for some reason. Thanks!
THIS is NWA Total Nonstop Action #11, coming to you from the Stables in Nashville, TN 28.8.2 (but taped 21.8) and let's waste no time Taking You Back
...to Earlier Today, where Goldylocks caught up with Brian Lawler. What the heck did Jeff Jarrett do to get him so pissed off already? "You wanna know what Jeff Jarrett did? You wanna know what Jeff Jarrett did? I'll TELL you right now what Jeff Jarrett did--" of course, you know that he does NOT tell us because Jarrett punks him out and Goldylocks gets to say "GEEZ" - Jarrett promises Lawler's jumped him for the last time.
One fall, twenty minute time limit
THIS IS KID KA$H (Johnson City, Tennessee) v. THIS IS THE AMAZING RED (Brooklyn, New York)
referee: SCOTT ARMSTRONG
Lockup, arm wringer by Kash, reversed by Red. Reversed by Kash, Red rolls through and reverses. Kash rolls through, nips up and reverses, red to a hammerlock, chain wrestling to...a hammerlock. Kash with a waistlock and takedown, Red squirts out and floats over back to the hammerlock - Kash rolls over and reverses. Both men back up - Red up and over the back, there's a monkey flip but Kash lands on his feet. Kash ducks a kick - Red gutshot, right, right, into the ropes, dueling hiptosses fail, Red with a gutshot, leg over the neck, flippy flippy, shot by Kash, hiptoss, rolls back, Red sweeps the leg, 0 count, Kash quickly back up, Kash sweeps the leg, 0 count, back up - let's pause for INDY RESPECT! So Kash shoves him. Red comes right back with a slap. Grrrrrr. Kash runs into a drop toehold - Red with a side headlock. Kash powers out, leapfrog, armdrag. Red ducks the swing, hiplock, but Kash kicks him away. Red armdrag, Kash armdrag, Red armdrag - INDY RESPECT!! Kash makes the "little man" pantomime, Red counters with the "old hunchback" pantomime. Red dares him to try the Test of Strength. Kash shows off his bicep and offers the hand - then switches before Red can grab the knuckle lock. They dance a bit, then Kash stops and offers him the bird. Ha HA! Kash offers the Hand of Friendship, no hard feelings - Red takes it but kicks him immediately, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Red hooks 'em, Kash runs in and Red dumps him on the apron, back elbow, back elbow takes him to the floor - and here he comes with a somersault plancha...and almost crashing into the commentary table in the process. Red's up first, amazingly - chop, chop, into the barrier is reversed - and the Kash FLINGS a chair at him! Owch. Kash rolls in and out (as if Armstrong were counting), then drives the knee into Red - and rolls him back in - vaults to the top - flying sitout clothesline - 1, 2, Red kicks out. Kash has him in a Styles Clash position...but instead holds the stretch in what Tenay says he calls the K.O.D. - then pulls up Red for a powerbomb - elbowdrop - 1, 2, no. Triple ladder match tonight! Big slap by Kash in the corner - then adds an eyepoke. This raises Armstrong's ire. "What, don't do this?" and pokes his eyes again. A THIRD eye poke and Armstrong's really had enough. (Ha!) Into the opposite corner, Red gets the boot up, vaults to the top...and finds nobody to leap on, so he jumps back off and snaps off a flying headscissors for 2. Viscera by Red gets 2. Right, right, into the corner, but Kash gets the shoulder up. Red tries a tumbling run for no good reason and eats a second rope flying clothesline from Kash - but still manages to get out at 2! Kash with a twisting powerbomb. Kash stands on the throat. Slaps the back. Kask asks him to kindly get his punk ass up - into the ropes, Red ducks, rollup gets Red 2. Red dropkick. Red on the second floor - swinging DDT gets 2! Kick between the shoudler blades. Into the corner, Kash dumps him as he runs in - Red with a right - but too slow climbing up and Kash meets him there - shot in the back, another - both men on top - Kash with the overhead superplex!! West: "The Amazing Red was twenty feet up in the air!" Kash finally drapes an arm on him - 1, 2, NO! They take turns pitty-patting each other from their backs - oh, come on - finally, they stop bitchslapping each other and Red erupts in a series of kicks in the corner - running start - nobody home. Kash out to the apron - back in with a guillotine - Red totally tied up in the ropes but Armstrong counts anyway - 1, 2, no! Into the ropes is reversed, but Red's head is down and Kash kicks - Kash stairsteps up and leaps off with a plancha - 1, 2, no! Kash still in control - Red into the corner - Red gets the elbow up - Red going up top...Kash shoves Armstrong into the ropes, and into a crotchin' for Red (pretty weak). Kash with a right - setting up Red for something wicked out of the corner - spinning shoudlerbreaker - 1, 2, 3. (9:25) *** Tenay says that's called "Bankruptcy" - well, okay. Red does offer the Hand of Friendship after the match...Kash takes it but pulls him into a short clothesline. JOSE & JOEL MAXIMO hit the ring and show Kash what they think of that. Kash tries to kick them away, but as he climbs up top, they kick his legs out from under him (after some misfires and miscommunication) - finally the Maximos climb up and give Kash the Spanish Fly. Wow, that was kinda weak too.
Watch that girl shake her ass - read the NWA crawl - they're both about as exciting...
NWA Wildside - 30 August - Cornelia, GA
NWA East - 30 August - McKeesport, PA
PCW - 31 August - Russ Haas Memorial Cup - Tom River, NJ
Backstage, Goldylocks has Sonny Siaki, who says....nothing. "Could you PLEASE turn around?" "Sonny Siaki will turn around when Sonny Siaki's ready. ... Comments, Goldylocks? You want Sonny Siaki's comments?" "Does Sonny Siaki need a Q-Tip?" "Heh heh heh - Don't get smart with Sonny Siaki, Goldylocks. If Elvis did anything right, it was that he slapped that wiseass Priscilla. Don't be a wiseass to Sonny Siaki or else you'll never have your way with Sonny Siaki again. As far as Monty Brown goes, yeah Monty Brown has been to two Super Bowls, but he's no Sonny Siaki. Sonny Siaki is bigger than the Super Bowl. Sonny Siaki is bigger than life itself. It's no secret, Goldylocks - Sonny Siaki has arrived. Sonny Siaki knows it, you know it, and the people out in pay-per-view land know it. Sonny Siaki's done. Say it Goldylocks, don't be shy." "Sonny Siaki has left the interview."
SONNY SIAKI (Memphis, Tennessee) v. "THE ALPHA MALE" MONTE BROWN (Buffalo, New York)
referee: RUDY CHARLES
But first...some words from Monty: "Jeff Jarrett...I see we're still playin' with chairs. I see you still like to hit people in the head with chairs. Jarrett, I don't need chairs - when I get my hands on you, I'm gonna systematically take you apart with my bare hands! You're right - you are the Chosen One - and I've just chosen to kick your ass and Alphabomb you straight to oblivion!" Siaki is...amused. Let's go! Lockup, Brown to the corner - clean break. Siaki tells Charles to give him some room - Brown backs off. Lockup - Siaki with a shoulder in the gut and takes him to the corner - shoulder - Brown ducks and slips out - right, right, right, chop, chop, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, into the opposite corner - no, pulled back to the original corner and Siaki goes up and over to the outside. Brown gets impatient and goes after him - Siaki manages a drop toehold into the barricade. Siaki takes control - stomp, stomp, stomp. Whip into the barrier. DOWN COMES THE JUMPSUIT! Siaki with a chop, chop, into the opposite barricade is reversed by Brown! Brown catches fire - chop! Chop! Forearm in the back - forearm - head to the guard rail! I wonder what Charles' ten count is up to HAR HAR HAR. Kick by Brown - into the guardrail - kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, chop, left, right, left, right. Siaki rolls in the ring OH MY GOD THEY'RE IN THE RING - Brown with a press - 1, 2, no. Siaki into the ropes - big sidewalk slam by Brown - 1, 2, no. Siaki into the ropes again, Brown with a back elbow. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. 1, 2, foot on the rope. Brown hooks that leg, but this time Siaki uses his arm to grab the rope. Brown with a right. Right. Chop. The pace is - yes - "deliberate." Into the opposite corner...leaping into a crossbody splash. Siaki falls to the mat - Brown waits for him to get up - right - into the ropes, gutshot, double underhook...and a suplex. Nicely done. Leg is hooked, 1, 2, Siaki rolls the shoulder. Debate won't work here, Monty. Suplex coming up - yessss. 1, 2, NO! Siaki won't stay down here. Brown winds up and pops him with the right hand. Brown with a chop - chop - aaaand a chop. Gutshot, another, forearm across the back. Snapmares him over. And now...he clamps on a neck vice? Oy. Tenay calls it a "half headlock half chinlock" but he ain't fooling me. I like both these guys but this match has gone on FOREVER. Arm falls once - arm falls twice - arm does not fall thrice. Siaki back to his feet - elbow, elbow, elbow breaks the hold, off the ropes and eats a Brown clothesline. Brown stomps on the head. Into the ropes, head down, Siaki FINALLY gets some offense with a DDT! Both men are down, though, so Charles starts the mandatory ten count. Siaki is up at five and finally starts to go to work - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp, stomp, stomp - and a stomp. Into the ropes with Brown, clothesline. Cover, 1, 2, Brown's out. Brown into the ropes, but he reverses, pulling Siaki into a suplex. Both men are down again and Charles starts counting. Both men up at five. Siaki right, Brown right, Siaki, Brown, Siaki's ducked, Brown lands, double underhook - tiger suplex! Right by Brown, Siaki into the ropes...scooped up on the shoulder...and swung into a uranage ("Alphalution"). Brown signals for the Alphabomb...but now JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out, distracting Brown AND Charles just enough for Siaki to come up from behind with an uppernut, then roll him up and probably also pull the tights for the 1, 2, 3. Wow, there's (10:13) I'll NEVER get back. *1/2 But now BULLET BOB ARMSTRONG & THE GUY IN THE BULLET MASK are out - Jarrett is held at bay on the aisle, and Brown is able to take some measure of revenge from behind - right, right, right, and so on. And THEN, from the crowd BRIAN LAWLER chokes Jarrett with what looks like Killings' belt (because they couldn't possibly afford another belt). TNA SECURITY finally manages to get ALLLL these people separated. "COME ON! I'LL KILL HIM!"
Your hosts are ASK MIKE TENAY & DON WEST DOT ORG. Who is the masked Bullet? Can you believe it - a triple ladder match for the X Division title is later tonight! Unprecedented! Goldylocks WILL interview Brian Lawler - look for him to start to tell us why he's mad at Jarrett, only to have the lights go out...and by the time they come back up he'll be STABBED or something
Backstage, with the cameraman on his back and with the camera tilted (I think), Goldylocks has Slash...and a friend. "Friend. Ha - there ARE no friends when you live in the womb of hell - there are only those like you. Those that revel in pain, soak in agony, and thrive on torture. My brother - his name is Kobain - the thrill of suicide is what he lives for. His own pain is his very ecstasy. Which comes first, Goldy - life...or death? Tonight, we might just find out." "In my dream, I overdosed from the sweet, sweet nectar of my own pain. I howl like a dog in heat at the thought of my own blood. You see, the game I play - the game of life...and death - either way, it's just fine with me."
One fall, Four team elimination match
BACKSEAT BOYS (Johnny Kashmere & Trent Acid) v. SLASH & COBAIN (482 pounds - members of the Disciples of the New Church) v. HOT SHOTS (Chase Stevens & Cassidy O'Reilly - 401 pounds) v. "COWBOY" JAMES STORM & "WILDCAT" CHRIS HARRIS (Nashville, Tennessee)
referee: Armstrong inside with another one outside
First off, I'm no JEREMY BORASH but I'm *pretty* sure it takes more than one fall to eliminate three teams. Secondly, the chyron guys again have their own ideas about how to spell a competitor's name - surely Courtney Love is already on the phone with her lawyers. I shouldn't have to tell you Storm shoots a gun and Harris makes a face if you've been consistently reading, right? All right. Next week is "Special X" - a highlights show featuring matches from the X Division along with new interviews. No show in two weeks "out of respect" (never forget), and THREE weeks from today will see a tag team "gauntlet for the gold" to take care of the (still inexplicably) vacant tag team titles - the order of which will be partly determined by THIS match right here. Got all that? Good. We start with Johnny Kashmere tying up with Cassidy O'Reily - arm wringer by O'Reilly, taking him down, nip up, chopped back down, nip up, chop down, nip up, chop DUCKED, Kashmere with a gutshot, off the ropes, jumps off his back, ducks the clothesline and comes off the ropes with a spinebuster. O'Reilly slaps him, slap, then tags Acid. Will the opponents lock it up? Well, there's six other guys Kashmere could tag, but instead they shake hands and fire up the crowd. Yikes - talk about stroking it! Block, duck, Kashmere with a suplex but Acid backflips out, Kashmere put in the corner, flying headscissors attempted but Acid cartwheels out to avoid THAT - they high five (INDY RESPECT!) but then Acid tries a clothesline - ducked - do si do - well, hell, now they're dancing with themselves - double dropkick on Slash to the outside and maybe they finally ARE using their heads. Kobain in - they duck his rush and he ends up in Storm & Harris' cornere, where he gets plunked - now the Hot Shots are in - O'Reilly eats a Yakuza kick, Hart Attack clothesline into a Boston crab into a legdrop, into a reverse camel clutch into a seated dropkick - that's the "Dream Sequence," says Tenay - more like a nightmare but eh heh heh. Meanwhile, Slash, Kobain, Storm and Harris have been brawling on the outside, so the Backseat Boys stereo moonsault from the top to the floor on them. Ah, screw it - it's six guys floppin' around on the outside - here comes one - here comes the last one - Chase Stevens with a shooting star press onto seven guys - wank wank wank. So much Total Nonstop Action not happening here. Finally we have two men in the ring - it's Stevens and Acid. Stevens with right hands - I can call those! Acid pulls up and pops Slash & Kobain - then catches Stevens with a kick - meanwhile, Slash tags himself in but Acid didn't see it as he was busy giving Stevens a Blue Thunder powerbomb - but all for nought as Slash is up from behind - Slash & Burn and 1, 2, 3 - see ya Backseat Boys. (4:14)
Slash isn't through - he quickly legdrops Stevens and covers - 1, 2, no. Tag to Kobain. Kobain top rope as Slash has him across his knee - that's the move we last saw as Too Much's Veg-o-matic - leg is hooked - 1, 2, Stevens kicks out. Into the ropes, reversed, reversed back into a knee by Stevens, forearm across the back, forearm, fireman's carry...into a jaw on the knee. Kobain falls to a place where Harris can tag himself in, so he does - duck, left, left, left, left, left, whip is reversed - O'Reilly tries a kick in the back but Harris turns round and pops HIM with a left - then turns back to eat a heel kick by Stevens. Head to the buckle, tag to O'Reilly - into the ropes, double gutshot, double kick to the back of the knees, sandiwch dropkicks - 1, 2, Storm saves. Back to the cover - 1, 2, kickout. O'Reilly argues the count. Chop, chop, Harris chops back, chop, left, eyepoke by O'Reilly. Into the ropes, Harris ducks - double backhand chop! So O'Reilly hits him in the nuts. Here comes a scoop...into the falcon arrow - and a quebrada, but he hits the knees! Two men down...Harris up and bowls him over with a clothesline! But too close to the corner and Kobain makes the tag - Kobain stomps, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, into the ropes, clothesline, stomp, stomp, stomp, elbow, into the rops is reversed, Storm makes the tag but Kobain still hits the knee - into the ropes, O'Reilly goes for a handspring elbow as Storm climbs the ropes, crotching him in the process - connects with the elbow, shoves Harris off the apron, climbs up after Storm - 'rana but Storm didn't go with him - O'Reilly lands on his feet - Kobain waistlock, back elbow by O'Reilly - Storm with the gutshot and tornado DDT (while Kobain...falls nearby, I dunno) - Storm covers - 1, 2, 3! The Hot Shots ARE shot. (7:55)
Slash in and stomping away - stomp, stomp, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp. Headbutt - make it four - stomp, stomp, stomp, now dancing on his chest. "C'mon, buckaroo!" Slash going for every orifice he can find. Chop! Into the ropes, running back elbow. Got him across the back - now into the helicopter slam - 1, 2, no. Head to Kobain's boot - tag. Slash kick, kick, Kobain stomp. Elbow by Kobain, through the ropes to the floor - climbing up top - somersault plancha from the top to the floor! Wow, that was unnecessary. Slash pulls up Kobain by the hair and rolls him in - then rolls in Storm for him to cover - Kobain makes the tag instead. Slash drops the forearm. Off the ropes - kick to the head. BRIAN LEE & RON HARRIS head to the commentary table to complain about the bullshit - but THEIR idea of "bullshit" is the fact that they're not in this match. Oh well, it's a start! Into the corner, Storm out, kick caught...Slash spins him around but Storm lands a back kick, then a spin kick! Both men are down and we got Lee & (Ron) Harris in the PIP. Slash grabs the leg and pulls him towards his corner - but Storm lands the right hand, frees himself and makes the tag to (Chris) Harris! Left, left, left, off the ropes, Slash ducks the clothesline but there's the Austin press ("Cat attack") and Harris punches him from the mount - that's six - Kobain tries a second rope elbow drop but takes out his partner! Kobain into the corner, "bulldog" out - 1, 2, Slash saves. All four men in the ring - Slash has him across his back, Storm heads off Kobain as he climbs the corner (of COURSE he lands his crotch!), Slash tries a clothesline but Harris ducks - into Storm's superkick! Harris covers - 1, 2, NO! Kobain gutshot, tries for a tornado DDT on Storm but Storm spins him onto the apron and superkicks him to the floor! Slash kicking Harris in the opposite corner - there's a whip, reversed, Storm goes for the "swinging noose" one more time but Slash counters and brings him out with the Diamond Cutter - 1, 2, Harris saves! EVERYBODY'S LEGAL in this match! Harris right, into the ropes, head down, Slash kicks, going for the Slash & Burn...Harris counters, Slash ducks the swing, Harris catches the pump kick - spun into a uranage - 1, 2, 3! Harris & Storm win! (12:52) **1/2 Lee and Harris immediately hit the ring and beat up Storm & Harris - now the BACKSEAT BOYS run out and THEY go down - here's the HOT SHOTS - but NOBODY is a match for the **awsome power** of Brian Lee & Ron Harris. Trent Acid tossed over the top to the floor - and there goes Johnny Kashmere. See ya Hot Shots. See, in the guantlet for the gold, it's all about throwing men over the top rope...and there go Storm & Harris.
Jeff Jarrett has made his way to Bob Armstrong's office. If he doesn't get his ship in order, Jarrett promises to take matters into his own hands. "Listen, buddy, don't tell me how to runs things, I'm running a tight ship here, and believe me, tonight you're gonna get everything that you deserve." Jarrett says he deserves a title shot AND a tag team title belt...and as for the surprise, he'll beat the masked man's ass AND reveal who he is to the whole world. "Listen, brother, I got bigger fish to fry than you...don't hit me again, boy, you gon' git it!" "You know what? I'm going to take care of your boy, your little surprise, and then I'm going to take care of you."
BRUCE v. THIS IS APRIL HUNTER for the Miss TNA title
"I just wanna thank all my fans here in Nashville for supporting Miss TNA. And, I have one thing to say - all the men want me, and all the women wanna be like me...just like Tenay's wife. As you know, I have a Miss TNA challenge throughout the world - any woman who thinks they're woman enough to be Miss TNA can have five thousand dollars and my crown. So some fitness girl, April Hunter, has flown here from wherever she lives to try to take my Miss TNA crown. Now she's a Miss Playmate, Playboy, whatever, but she's still not the woman Miss TNA is." "He's a homo!" "Thank you, thank you very much, thank you for your support of Miss TNA. Jeremy let's get April Hunter out here - if she thinks she's woman enough to take my crown, bring her out here." I may be going out on a limb here, folks, but I THINK Hunter wants us to look at her breasts! Staredown. They're chest to chest! Bit of bumping - I guess he's invading her personal space. Bruce removes his sash and then shoves her away before removing his tiara. Forearm by Hunter, chop, chop, into the ropes, Japanese armdrag, clothesline, chop, into the ropes, reversed, brought up but she headscissors him down. Bruce outside, Hunter after him but he gives her a hot shot to turn it around. Bruce back in - forearm to the back, stomp, stomp, hairpull takedown, ramming her head in the mat, scoop...and a slam. Pulls her up by the hair, front facelock, setting up the suplex....and there it is. Bruce adjusts his spaghetti straps, then goes back to work. Head to the buckle, again, again. Kick. Snapmares her over. Hunter tries to flair back but Bruce beats her down again. Hairpull takedown again. Slaps her, she slaps back, Bruce with a knee. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed, gutshot by Hunter, Bruce put into the ropes, he ducks, second rope as she puts her head down, springs off with a sunset flip for 1 (?!). Hunter ducks the swing, death suplex attempted but Bruce backflips out, landing on his feet - forearm in the back, pulled up by the hair, and thrown back to the mat. Powerbomb coming up...face fulla stuff, face fulla stuff, powerbomb and Bruce shows distaste. Cover - 1, 2, 3. (3:01) Bruce retains the tiara and sash...and for an encore, tries to remove Hunter's top. Why? Who knows. Anyway, SLYK WAGNER BROWN (who Tenay and West keep calling "Silk" - you mean I spell better than nwatna.com? - wotta shock!) comes out to put a stop to that and Bruce runs off. Maybe HE'LL challenge for Miss TNA? Probably not.
VCW/NWA VA - 31 August - Gloucester, VA
NWA Mississippi - 31 August - Magee, MS
Is it supposed to be sexy when she goes into ass convulsions? 'cause...eww. It's not. Hey I think they gave her a blow pop to keep her from sticking her tongue out while she dances!
Backstage, Goldylocks has Yang & Estrada. "Well, Goldy, believe me, we're not all shooken up about Sonny Siaki--" "Whoa whoa whoa - all SHOOK up - all shook up." "Huh?" "Never mind." "We're not all shooken up about Sonny Siaki - Sonny Siaki's been doin' his own thing for a while now. BUT! Sonny Siaki better not come crawlin' back to the Elvises tonight when he's lonesome tonight...baby." "Hey! Forget Sonny Siaki - if he wants to fly solo, then that's all right with us...hey!" Siaki appears in street clothes at this point. "What's up, fellas. Listen - no hard feelings. Now that Sonny Siaki is the #1 Contender for the NWA World title. But let Sonny Siaki tell you like Sonny Siaki tells all the Sonny Siaki fans out in pay-per-view land. If you say your vitamins and say your prayers, you'll probably prematurely lose your hair. Sonny Siaki has left the interview." Everyone registers confusion. Estrada's "Elvis with hairpick" is becoming truly amazing.
One fall, tag team action
SPANISH ANNOUNCE TEAM (Jose & Joel Maximon - Brooklyn, New York) v. FLYING ELVISES (Jorge Estrada & Jimmy Yang - Memphis, Tennessee)
After this match, Goldylocks will have an in-ring interview with Brian Lawler - and we'll FINALLY find out...yeah right. It's Estrada and Joel to start. Good God, they don't lock up for THIRTY-EIGHT SECONDS. Do we have that kind of time to waste? Maximo with a waistlock and takedown, floats over the headlock - Estrada out and hooks the leg for 1. Both men back up. Lockup, arm wringer by Maximo, kick, into the ropes, reversed into a fireman's carry but Estrada counters the toss with an armdrag, cover, 1. Legsweep by Maximo for 1. Estrada crucifix into a rollup for 2, Maximo with a bogus 2, Estrada bogus 2, both men up for INDY RESPECT!! I'm losing my patience and there are precious few people left in the building who are responding - indeed, at this point there are few people left in the building AT ALL. Estrada hits an Elvis pose, so Maximo kicks him. Kick, side headlock, gutshot by Estrada, gutshot, shoves him off but there's the shoulderblock by Maximo. Estrada drops down (why he had to backflip there I'll never know), Maximo up and over, ducks the swing, into the ropes, body scissors takeover, dropkick is swatted away by Estrada, elbowdrop misses, Maximo off the ropes but into an Estrada powerslam. 1, Estrada lets up - dropkick puts him outside. Jose in - Yang in and dropkicks HIM out. Elvises on the apron - double Asai moonsault! Yang walks over Joel's chest to get to ...well, back to his corner because he does nothing with Jose. Joel and Estrada back in - 1, 2, no. Forearm by Estrada, into the ropes, on the shoudlers - Finlay-esque forward roll slam, quebrada gets Estrada 2. Tag to Yang - kick, kick, into the ropes, flying side kick, 1, 2, no. Jose Maximo has not been in this match yet. Joel blocks the suplex, blocks, tries one of his own and Yang goes down the back, landing on his feet, dropkick, handstands back up, into the corner, backflip chest kick, Ten Punch Count Along, Elvis swivel, kick, tag to Estrada, front slam, Estrada in with - well, I think he wanted a springboard into a split-legged moonsault but he misses the rope so he just drops the elbow instead. 1, 2, no. Backhand chop, again. Into the opposite corner, but runs into a big kick. Maximo off the ropes with a flying kick - now scales the corner - missile dropkick to the back! Jose FINALLY gets the tag, five minutes in. Right hand, right, right (wow, no wonder he stayed out), right, head to the buckle, tag to Jose, kick, Joel puts him into the ropes, kick to the face, Jose off the ropes - Joel with a wheelbarrow slam of Jose onto Estrada - helps Jose backflip into a press - Yang saves at 2. Snapmares him over - off the ropes, dropkick to the head, 1, 2, no. Head to the buckle, chop, into the opposite corner is reversed, but Maximo gets the elbow up - taking him to the opposite corner but Estrada crotches him. Forearm across the back, then pulls him off the top with the neckbreaker ("Love Me Tender") and tags out to Yang. Yang stomp, stomp, stomp - snapmares him over, off the ropes, lightning leg drop gets 2. Neck vice applied - now a facelock into the suplex...hanging on for a neckbreaker. 1, 2, kickout. Yang applies the headscissors. West likes this match so much he's AGAIN hyping the triple ladder match! Joel in with a stomp but doesn't break the hold before Charles puts him out. Yang with a stomp. Tag to Estrada. Estrada mounts, right, right, right, right, right. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Front facelock - Maximo right, right, right, right, right, right, right, finally breaks the hold, powers out, but (wait for it) Estrada hits a shoulderblock. Swivel and a naughty move in Joel's direction. Geez, the commentators make such a big deal about the SAT being *flown* in to work. Yang with a neckbreaker across the top rope from the apron. Yang back in, stomp, and applies the facelock. Jose fighting to get back to his feet but as he does Yang elbows the back of his head - elbow, elbow, elbow. Tag to Estrada, scoop....and a slam, Estrada in with a Guerreroesque senton for 2. Right hand. Into the ropes, clothesline. 1, 2, no. This pace is awfully deliberate! Scoop...and a slam by Estrada. Estrada going up top...but Jose is up with an overhead kick! Now climbing up after him - on the top rope, Estrada wakes up and starts fighting back...elbow, elbow, tosses him over his shoulder and back into the ring with a neckbreaker ("All Shook Up")! Two men down, chant "TNA!" Tag to Yang - HOT TAG TO JOEL! Clothesline by Maximo! Chop, chop, into the corner, avalanche, into the opposite corner, boot up by Yang - but runs into a belly-to-belly overhead release suplex! Over to Estrada for a chop, Jose whipped into a monkey flip, putting him into into a spear by Joel! Maximos over to Yang - into the ropes, duck, split-legged double dropkick by Yang - clothesline for Joel, viscera for Jose, facelock on Joel into a sidewalk slam/neckbreaker combo - 1, 2, no! Jose saves and now HE'S pounding on Yang - scoop...and a slam - scales to the top - guillotine legdrop! 1, 2, Estrada with a seated dropkick to break it up. There's a DDT by Estrada. Off the ropes with a twisting moonsault off the ropes - 1, 2, Joel breaks it up! ALL MEN ARE LEGAL! Chop by Joel on Jorge - whip is reversed but Joel counters into a German suplex and bridge - 1, 2, and he just kinda lets up on him for no reason (eych). Joel ducks the swing - DRAGON SUPLEX - 1, 2, Estrada rolls a shoulder - tries again - 1, no. Joel STILL has the full nelson clasped in - Jose off the top with a missile dropkick!! Yang wakes up - gutshot for Jose, into the opposite corner, Super Kwang kick, climbs to the top...but Joel sweeps the leg to crotch him. Both Maximos up for the Spanish Fly but SONNY SIAKI runs in (aw, shit) and sweeps the legs, crotching BOTH men on adjacent top ropes. Yang puts Joel in position, then climbs up - Yang Time!! But he doesn't cover - in fact, Maximo is up first (what the hell) - Yang up, right hand, pulls him off the top turnbuckle with the same front facelock into the sidewalk slam we saw earlier - 1, 2, 3. Bah. (14:20) **3/4 Commentators wonder why Siaki would help out his teammates.
NWA Main Event - 31 August - Columbia, TN
NWA Hawaii - 31 August - Somewhere in Hawaii (I guess - they didn't say!)
GOLDYLOCKS comes out to Disco Inferno's "Jive Talkin'" Music - looks like this took place earlier in the show and they edited it in here. "How you doin' Nashville. The beautiful people of Nashville, I would like to introduce to you, and also interview if I may, BRIAN LAWLER. Brian Lawler come on out." Lawler still comes out to his funky, funky theme, although you wouldn't tell it from the look on his face. "Mr. Lawler, for weeks you have been, uh, running rampant. Looks like you definitely have some issues. And it seems as though those issues are definitely personal. Here's your chance, get it out in the open, what is goin' on with Jarrett?" AHHHH TOO CLOSE PULL BACK. "You know, first of all...what is your name?" "You know what my name is, it's Goldylocks, thank you." "Goldylocks. Goldylocks, I see you comin' out here every week in your little tight jeans...and your little blouse here - just open right here, showin' your...CLEAVAGE...I guess you think that this is a place to walk around like a floozy. Like a two dollar whore! Lemme tell ya somethin' - this right here is a *wrestling ring.* And there's NO place in a wrestling ring for a piece of trash like you, so get - out - of the ring NOW." Again, probably too close on the Goldy closeup, but maybe somebody wants her to look bad. She does that enough by trying to insist on getting a final zinger in by running her finger down his chest, then flicking it at him. He shoulda popped her one. "Hey ya buncha morons - I don't wanna hear no booin'! What I want right now is complete and utter SILENCE. That MEANS shut your freakin' mouths! I swear to God I will come out there and slap the taste out of every one of your MOUUUUTHS. Now listen to me - that tramp wanted to ask me a question about what I have against Jeff Jarrett...well I'll tell ya what, I am gonna give Jeff Jarrett FIVE SECONDS to get his ass in this ring right now! 1, 2, 3, 4...5. Just as I thought. He's nowhere to be found, is he. Well I'll tell ya what - Jeff Jarrett knows what he did...*I* know what he did, and I'm about to tell all you people what that piece of shhhhhhhh did." "Piece of what? Piece of what?" Ah, hell RON KILLINGS is out to be this week's excuse. "That piece of what? You thought I was at home with a damn concussion, didn't ya? You know what - it's gon' take more than a damn concussion to put me down! By God, I'm the damn NWA World Champ!" "Hey hey...listen...listen, bro, listen, I know what you're mad about. You're mad about me *accidentally* hitting you in the head with that chair. Did you hear what I said? Did you hear what I said? I said, 'accidentally.' I didn't mean to do it! I swear - I swear to GOD I did not mean to--" "Shut the hell up! I was hit with a chair, and you know what, Lawler - you were the son of a bitch swingin' the chair. There is no room for accident." "Listen, dawg - listen listen listen listen listen listen man! It's me'n'you dawg! It's me'n'you! We homies! Come on now, hey - hey - you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time." "You know what - you're ALWAYS in the wrong place at the wrong damn time - and right now, you are in the damn Asylum - you are in MY house - you are in the wrong place RIGHT NOW! And I promise you, Brian Lawler, before it's all over, before it's all said and done, your ass is gonna know what The Truth is all about." "Hey man...oh man, it ain't gotta be like that! Truth - it ain't gotta be like that, man! Listen, this is personal between me and Jarrett - this has something to do with my girlfriend sittin' over there...hey. Hey. I don't know if you know that, but that's my girlfriend right there." Lawler has spotted the guy next to her in the front row with a camera, apparently. "You takin' pictures of my girlfriend? He was." He denies it but she nods. Lawler leaves the ring and hops the rail, then shoves him out of his chair! Tenay says it was an "NWA assigned photographer at ringside," but he's on his back now - Lawler back over the rail, grabs the girl and they both head backstage. Umm....I mean, WHAT A PAYOFF! WOW!!
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Jeff Jarrett faced the Bullet - and found out it wasn't Bob Armstrong - then the show ended!
JEFF JARRETT (Music City, USA - 239 pounds) v. THE BULLET (Parts Unknown - 240 pounds)
Jarrett gets the early stomp, stomp, then throws him outside - right, right, right, to the rail, to the rail and OVER the rail (wiping out a few ringside fans in the process), chair WHACK, head to the rail, right, chair to the back, chair, chair, I wonder what Charles' count is up to. Chair. Right, back over the rail, right, right, right, over to Tenay to tell us he's sick and tired of "this NWA crap" - well, that makes two of us. Finally back in the ring - Jarrett with a right. Into the ropes, reversed, Jarrett slides under but Bullet throws a left, left, and a right. Off the ropes with a kneedrop. Into the ropes, atomic drop. Pumphandle (this offense looks familiar, doesn't it?) but Jarrett goes down the back and lands on his feet, then uppernuts him. Jarrett into his kneepad and comes up with handcuffs. Bullet cuffed to the top rope - will Jarrett unmask him? I'm sure he won't, this week. "Now it's time to find out how this, who this little surprise is. So I'm gonna bring my little friend in the ring, introduce you to the chair, and then...we're gonna find out just who in the hell you are, Mr. Bullet." Of course, at this point BULLET BOB ARMSTRONG is out - right, right, right. Charles holds him back but Jarrett goes for the chair - WHACK! We cut to the crowd to possibly avoid seeing a bladejob but in here they also finally ring the bell (DQ? No contest? 3:43) N/A - Jarrett right, stomp, stomp, stomp. Bullet's grabbed the chair and throws it at Jarrett but misses. He's still cuffed. Right by Jarrett, right, right - sure enough, Armstrong is bleeding - no wonder he wore a white shirt tonight! Jarrett adds a SECOND chairshot - timmmmber. Crowd chants "one more time" which says something about them, I reckon. Right hand. Zoom in on the blood, wouldja? Jarrett calls for the mic. "Now that I've kicked Bullet's ass like I said I was going to, it's time to find out just who YOUR ass is." But *now* TNA SECURITY shows up and holds back Jarrett - oh, for the love of Mike. Editing kicks in again and...
We head back to our commentary team, and Don West's Hard Sell. West asks us to please not go away because the triple ladder match is coming up! Man, I was GONNA stop the tape and quit, but I think I'll stick around!!!!!
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week for Highlights of Lynn & Styles' ultimately futile Best of 3 series. WOW! there were so many more people there when this show started!
Your Main Event - Triple Ladder Match for the X Championship
THIS IS JERRY LYNN (challenger - Minneapolis, Minnesota) v. THIS IS A.J. STYLES (challenger - Atlanta, Georgia) v. THIS IS LO-KI (champion - Brooklyn, New York)
referee: ANDREW THOMAS
Man, we're really running out of show here... Staredown. Ki goes for Lynn to start, and while they trade blows Styles...disappears? Chop by Ki, chop by Lynn, right by Ki, ah Styles is going for a ladder. Ki and Lynn decide to try to dropkick the ladder into Styles, but he raises it and they both go under - Styles swings back with the ladder - Ki ducks but Lynn does not. Ki with a back kick to the ladder to take down Styles, and the ladder lands on him after he goes down. Ki and Styles in - double chop by Ki, chop, right, double chop, forearm in the back, into the ropes, reversed, but Ki springs off with a flying tomahawk chop. Right hand by Ki, Styles answers with a right, chop, forearm, forearm, Ki ducks the enzuigiri, Ki with a big kick to the jaw and down goes Styles. Lynn on the apron and Ki meets him there - right, right, tries the head through the ropes but it was a fake - Lynn misses the legdrop and Ki kicks him through the ropes after he lands. Ki off the ropes with a flying kick to Styles. Stomp. Over to Lynn and brings him in the hard way - but Lynn lands on his feet - gutshot by Lynn, forearm, into the ropes, reversed, ducks the kick, Ki off the ropes, Lynn catches him and spins him into a backbreaker. Styles is up and Lynn has his back to him - Lynn manages a collision, though - gutshot, right, kick, into the ropes, big back body drop. Snapmares Ki over - surfboard coming up - Ki manages to get Lynn to let go of his arms, but all that does is put him in perfect position to take a Styles bulldog off the ropes. Styles stomps Ki, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Lynn kicks Styles down. Lynn going for the suplex - and getting it. Lynn going for a Liontamer - got it! Did Styles tap? Ki kicks Lynn's expose chest - again - monkeys up and KICKS him down! He's let go of Styles for sure. Stomp by Ki. Picked up and kicked down again. Ki scoops him up - and slams. Kick Styles. Styles into the opposite corner - there's the kappou kick! Five minutes in and no ladders in the ring yet. Ki directs his attention to Lynn - double chop - into the opposite corner - Styles picked up, gutshot, clothesline on Lynn, Styles picked up in the Ki Crusher position - but instead used as a battering ram to take out Lynn! But all three men are down from the big collision - now Ki rolls out and collects a ladder. He's in perfect position to get dropkicked - sure enough, Styles hits the baseball slide dropkick into the ladder and into Lo-Ki. Lynn meets him on the outside, but before he can do anything Styles is off the apron with a forearm shot to Lynn's back. Styles sets up the ladder using the ring and the safety rail to hold it up - dueling suplex attempts by Lo-Ki and Styles and it's Ki settling for the big chop...but Styles counters with an enzuigiri and Ki goes down. Lynn over to Styles - gutshot - suplex attempt is blocked - rib shot by Styles - thrown into the ring apron and Lynn hits hard. Styles drags Lynn into position, then climbs onto the makeshift bridge...but Lo-Ki joins him and now they're trading slaps and chops - Styles with forearms, Ki with a chop, Ki with headbutts, LYNN on the ladder...all three mean leap to the floor, Ki and Styles headbutting the ladder on the way down! Lynn removes the ladder from its perch and places it in the ring. Styles grabs the top rung before Lynn can grab it - there's a tug of war for the ladder until Lynn relents - so he can baseball slide dropkick into Styles' gut! West: "This type of a contest should be outlawed! It shouldn't even be allowed to be done!" Tenay: "DON'T SAY THAT! Then we won't see it!" Lynn brings the ladder into the centre of the ring and stands it underneath the belt. Lo-Ki in the ring - kick, kick, Lynn off the rungs - Ki forearm, forearm and Lynn's down. Ki folds up the ladder...then thinks better and starts to reposition it - but Styles is up behind him - forearm in the back. Right, Ki right, chop, Styles chop, right, right, right right right right right right HE'S FIRED UP whoops Lynn just pasted him with a right. Lynn goes to work on Styles - stomp, stomp stomp stomp. Lynn makes the heavy metal face! Right hand, Styles right, Lynn, Ki chops Styles, chops Lynn, the runs into a double hiptoss onto the ladder as it rests against the top rope! Lynn clotheslines Styles. Lynn places the ladder against the corner. Lynn with a limp as he moves back to Styles - forearm in the back. Lynn shoots Styles into the corner - Styles steps up the ladder and springs off - backflips over Lynn - gutshot, tornado DDT attempt but Lynn stays on his feet and reverses into an overhead suplex onto the ladder!! Lo-Ki trying to rub his back - he's back up now - over to Lynn with an uppercut kick - is he trying to cover? Thomas points to the ceiling by way of reminder. Ki whips Lynn into the corner - going for the Tidal Crush but Lynn catches him - wants a powerbomb but Ki reverses to a huracanrana, sending Lynn crashing into the ladder! Styles is up - grabs the ladder - runs into Lo-Ki. Ladder placed underneath the belt - Styles climbs the rung - the rung - the run - Ki up the other side, right, right, Styles right, Ki overhead kick (wow!) and Styles ends up hung up by his boots. He's easy pickings for Ki's kick, kick, monkey up and KICK to the face and Styles is a tangled mess at the bottom of the ladder. Ki starts the slow climb as Lynn stirs...Ki reaches but Lynn is up from behind with a forearm, forearm, climbing up after him - and suplexing him off the ladder! Who's up first? Styles. Chop for Ki - kick for Lynn. Styles climbing the ladder - he can almost touch the belt...but Ki grabs the trunks - forearm in the back - Styles with several right hands - but they BOTH crash to the canvas! Two men down, Lynn ready to climb the ladder...but Ki and Styles BOTH push the ladder over and Lynn conks himself on the turnbuckle on his way down! (See, THEY miss Owen Hart, too!) Ki decides to bring in a second ladder while Styles tries to get the first ladder positioned - Ki decides he better hit the ring - Styles with a back kick for Ki - pulls him to his feet - chop - suplex coming up - no, blocked, blocked, boot to the midsection by Ki - uppercut kick - into the ropes but Styles springs off the second rope - and gives Ki a slop drop! Lynn back over to Styles with a kick, right hand, limping fiercely now...elbow, Styles swings and Lynn ducks, Lynn with a waistlock - Ki tries to spring off the second rope as Styles breaks free - but Lynn catches him and hits a running Ligerbomb! Styles is out to bring in that second ladder now - tossed over the top and landing on Lo-Ki's head! Styles in - second ladder stood up. Lo-Ki from the outside brings the THIRD ladder into the ring. Lynn up - kick to Styles, Styles kick, chop, Lynn chop, Lynn right, Ki climbing up, Lynn up after him - forearm in the back, Li straddling two ladders as Styles shoves down Lynn - Styles up the centre ladder and Ki is to his left...Styles right, right, elbow by Ki, head to the ladder, draped over the top of a ladder and Ki climbing up above him - DRAGON SLEEPER from the top of the ladder!! But now Lynn climbs up after both of them - right for Ki, right, right - each man on a different ladder now - Lynn trying to shove both ladders on either side of him - Ki topples - Ki stands on the top rope and bounces his ladder back to the centre!! Styles tries the same - and goes SPLAT on the outside when he fails to be as dextrous as Lo-Ki. Ki and Lynn trading blows - Ki moves to the centre ladder and his is shoved aside. Lynn right, Ki right, Lynn takes his head to the ladder and pulls him over and into position - can it be? CRADLE PILEDRIVER from halfway up the ladder!! That's gotta be it - Lynn starts the slow climb again as we take a look at the ceiling of the building - Lynn reaches up - we're so late into the hour that the cable is actually unscrambled at this point...which kinda gives away that Lynn has the belt! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a NEW X Champion! (20:05) ***1/2 Credits are up and *immediately* we're out.